For any of you ladies out there reading…
Please allow me to cut to the chase and lay it out for you.
Your marriage potential starts to drop like a stone once you hit your 30′s.
By the time you reach your late 30′s it’s over and done. So please don’t for one second believe you can outplay mother nature’s hand when it comes to the limited time you have on this earth.
Here’s another unfortunate lady who squandered her most precious years in her 20′s and now has deep remorse at not having a husband or a child.
I’ve condensed her quotes below.
During my 20s, I put in long days as an aspiring journalist, and at night I partied with the best of them. In my mid-30s I battled an addiction to alcohol but have come out the other side smiling and sober.
Like a lot of women my age, I’d thought 30 was probably an ideal age to settle down. But once I hit 30, it’s was if I hit an oil patch and the years just slipped away. The men I dated either weren’t at the same life stage as me, or simply didn’t have the money to commit to a baby.
Some friends have playfully suggested that I’m like one of the cast from Sex And The City — deliciously wicked, fashion-conscious and caring only for short-term flings. But where’s the fun in that?
We are designed, as human beings, to reproduce. Our instincts are primed for parenthood, our bodies built to carry and give birth to babies. To my mind, to fail at this is to fail at being a woman.
I’ve realised that children give the most mundane day focus, structure and love. They can light up like beacons as you walk into a room — as my beautiful five-year-old niece did last weekend.
But as I approach 40, the landscape is not promising.
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When I peruse the classifieds on Match.com, you’re struck with the number of women in their late 30′s, 40′s or even 50′s who list having a child as a preference. Of course, I’m only looking in Southern California, with its rather unique “culture” of looks vs. substance.
Western Feminists would consider what this woman has said to be heresy, they would state that she’s accomplished a lot more and been a lot more than any of her “poor” oppressed ancestors. Having children they say is simply another form of oppression and why should she want to oppress herself.
Feminism’s greatest “accomplishment” has been to fool women in the West that acting like a man and being like men, and their reward will be to be just like men. Nature of course has other ideas and doesn’t reward this sort of idiocy.
This woman was another sucker who bought into the “dream” that women in the West can have it all. Well, this woman found out she can have it all, nice shoes, decent apartment, a career and most of all an empty heart where a child was supposed to have been.
And modern feminism seeks to punish anyone who dares voice the regrets this woman has voiced. Just ask any feminist about this article and you’ll get the terms “mixed up” and “confused” to describe her plight.
Unfortunately, this is the price millions of western women are going to pay in the coming decades for biting the poisoned apple given to them by their wicked feminist sisters…
How GRY what a heretic you are for saying that women are becoming more like men and visa versa
And what happens next to these women is becoming to painfully obvious for society to ignore.. hence this article and more like it.
I realize that many women feel panic as they get older. There are tradeoffs to be made with work and family, each person must choose carefully. My Russian fiance is thirty, she thought that work would satisfy her but as she approuched thirty she wanted a family more and more. Gentlemen, don’t overlook women in the 27 to 32 year old range. They have seen how hard and lonely life can be on their own, They are mature and ready to be a great wife. Yes, women that are younger than 27 can be great but I think that a 15 year age gap is pushing the limits of compatibility, in general.
I concur. Although there are always exceptions this is pretty solid advice.
Very true. I’m getting a lot of interest in that age range. It seems there is some realization coming to light that career cannot replace the happiness of family. The ones who are wise and mature start looking in their early twenties and get settled.
“But once I hit 30, it’s was if I hit an oil patch and the years just slipped away.” No better way to put that.
GRY, if you are open to it, I’m in touch with couple ladies in their mid to late twenties.
Those old timers here may recall Aunt Natalie who have mentioned of starting a site. Well look her up, she’s got it going and I must say, its excellent.
-M
I was sitting a lecture once given by a very well known demographer. Anyhow, from his studies he noticed that there was a reversal in trend of young girls saying no to careers and rather be wanting to begin families. He made note of this. NOW, the very interesting piece of information from this is that this man is very well connected in government circles since they regularly make use of his data analysis. And he was told not to make public his conclusion in the concern that the populace may take note and make further gain in momentum of this undesired trend.
Ponder for a moment that notion. Why would the government be against the idea of women not wanting a career and wanting instead a family. Always, follow the money trail. What is the government’s source of revenue? Income taxes. Primarily through the populace’s income and secondarily through corporation’s earnings. What happens when there’s less people working => less revenue source, less money/power.
For a long time now, I’ve always been wondering why the government would be funding feminist studies in all these universities. They’re just awful aren’t they? It is because it is supported for a stated purpose. An investment in future revenue stream.
Did anyone read the Willie Lynch letter posted by Greg Gregory? Here is an appropriate quote for the propagation of propaganda: “You must use the FEMALE vs. the MALE, and the MALE vs. the FEMALE.”
Now tie in also the thought of what John Perkins author of “Confessions of an Economic Hitman”, tells us. That the government can and does act in its self interest for purpose of material gain through use of subversion/propaganda. Of other countries populace, government, yes resounding yes. But what of its own population? I’m afraid yes as well.
You might find a read of Heigl’s (SP?) Thesis and Antithesis very useful in that matter of understanding…
That is a complete truth, imagine the movies, serials, literature and philosophical work that is just cut by that and fuels this stupid conflict,get this income out it is a lot only to think of what real income is that would be lost, Also feminism if you watch carefully exist everywere in any western culture from tv to books and plays, surprisingly even to historic novels in some form or other it does. For my way of thought the whole reason that this happens is the fact that our elite made of ultra rich entepreneurs and to be more precise bankers,( you posted an article in which the rockfellers openly to a friend say that they revenued feminism), want only but only profit and fuck up with society to achieve ypu said that in other article. the whole point is ruined lives both of women and men and most of all lives taken before even having a chance to exist at all.
As I say and dont overreact to this the whole problem is Capitalism(not that communism was proved better) ,Everything for the money that’s the motto! They dont care to destroy society just to have money. As i believe when the french executed their king they started exchanging in europe the old social elite of landlords with that of enterpreneurs, the difference? Landlords to the healthy extent desired balance to insure their income for many generations while NOT making money fast but in progress of generations the whole thing got out of hand when industry came and so their income was not enough to feed both them and the people who had to live with minimal money not enough for rent and a bit of bread which lead to their demise. (Big)Enterpreneurs care only for fast profit and do everything for it. The difference? Obvius the worst unethical thing a (land)lord would do would be to murder his family to take everything(if he killed by any way his renters he would lose what he had for obvius reasons) while our (big) enterpreneurs destroy society , choose whose best not whose complete clean nobody is but somebody must be on top. How this thing comes here? Well whose responsible for the fact that men of my generation cant find women , and for the fact that after the 30′s we have just declination on society.
nikostratos,
I’d like to add a thought or two to your last couple of comments. First of all, don’t think I am in disagreement with rw_man’s perspective or your take on it, but rather wish to point out a few key points to consider.
Certainly it is historically accurate to say that the wealthy elite of the last century supported feminism. The facts speak for themselves. The support was both financial and socio-political in nature, in that millions of dollars were put into the hands of feminists as well as politicians and courts that backed the feminist organizations.
However, one very important breakdown in communicating this idea is in definitions, starting with the word, “entrepreneur”.
The Rockefeller(s) most complicit in funding feminism, along with dozens of other power mongers, are/were NOT entrepreneurs. A true entrepreneur is a wealth “maker” not a wealth taker. The ONLY Rockefeller that I know of who was an entrepreneur was John D. Rockefeller, born in 1839. He was a self made man who rose to fame and fortune despite a snake oil salesman father who was rarely home and kept at least one other wife somewhere on the road. Every other person carrying that name by bloodline is a panty waste shadow of J.D. (We certainly wouldn’t consider Paris Hilton an entrepreneur, would we? The spoiled little rich grandchildren of real men of vision are NEVER anything like their forefathers)
We should also look more closely at capitalism as a form of commerce, NOT a form of government. Capitalism is an economic system which funds the growth of a given people. In and of itself, it is nearly harmless. It’s a tool of free people to assist every individual in sharing prosperity based on their own efforts. A hammer is a tool used for building wooden structures. However, if I sneak up behind someone and plant the hammer head 3 inches deep in the back of their skull it has become a deadly weapon. That doesn’t mean that the hammer is dangerous or evil, only that it has been misused. When enough people misuse the hammer in that way, everyone becomes fearful and angry about the lethal nature of hammers. They are wrong to do so. Our “hammer” is being SO misused that it no longer resembles an efficient, well designed tool.
How does this all play into feminism and the current state of affairs? The power hungry rich kids who funded feminism used the weak knowledge of their victims to sell them on abuse, rather than use, of the power which a free, “capitalist tool” represented. Modern NA women, raised on the lies of their mentors, demand everything and offer nothing in return. This entire welfare mentality was set up to teach dependance on a few to guide the many. Feminism, welfare, divorce for profit, etc. are all part of the same bill of goods.
Nobody has to “like” an entrepreneur for their success in life, but we should respect them for putting out the effort required to gain it. It is ONLY through a free market economy that they were able to do so. No other economic system ever devised will let a person start with nothing and find a path to financial freedom. Don’t condemn the carpenter who properly uses his hammer to build financial security.
The entire federal electorate of the United States, plus the supreme court, consists of less than 550 people. If you include the top ten percent of special interest lobbyists, you may add another 50 names. So 600 people control over a trillion dollars of losses daily (usdebtclock.org) while the other 312 million people in America throw up their hands and say, “There’s nothing I can do about it”.
The same entitlement mentality of the feminist has permeated the thinking of average NA citizens as a whole. We have become a nation of welfare seekers. Through uncontrolled immigration (both legal and illegal) mindless liberal politics, wholesale pandering to a handful of special interest groups, and the removal of power from individual states and municipalities, NA has become the joke of the world. We are a product of our own making not because of entrepreneurs and capitalism; but because of our apathy and our laziness.
Hi Richard, by enterpeneurs in greece we would describe everybody who has an enterprise or bank or ships and by enterprise everything that gives you money, and by enterpreneurs i ment BIG enterpreneurs who got money really fast and by not legal means in greece most of our newer enterpreneurs that manage to be well financed are that type so i do not mean anybody who may be the “carpenter” but the one who has the “BIG carpeting industry” that sells worldwide NOT just in one country hope this solved the misunderstanding , now about capitalism as much as any other economic system it is a socio-economic system that also alters the people to survive and exist, it was once a tool now a flood uncotrolable as the years pass, apathy and lazyness are products of capitalism without them it would not exist live and breathe, because from lazyness, apathy and boredom we just buy and buy things running the system. Just to say something truth to hit that system and communism altogether BOTH make the same GRAVE mistake: the resources are stable, just to prove that the “hammer” is not well-made try to read both philosophies in their own ways they say it. my problem is not hte system just the people controling trilions proving that just 600 people are enough to make things a mess proving the problems of the tool which also creates economic crisis by its own(ask every economist they will say it). Just to end this quick my problem lies to the people responsible for keeping the bad tool on the market, the problem is that every “tool” of our age has proven ill-made, but that doesnt mean keep the tool on the market just because 600 can profit and ruin our lives in the process.
Somehow I came across this link:
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/life/2010-04/09/content_9707047.htm
Yikes!
Anna M.
I browsed the article by Qi Zhai and then decided to go back through it a bit more thoroughly. It is a pretty good piece but is clearly a very modern, post feminist, young woman’s take on a situation which is much bigger than such a short article can fully cover.
A few points to consider;
Percentages of Western girls in any one of these clubs compared to local girls, as well as the same type of break down for the guys. Mere disproportion of numbers creates a dynamic all it’s own, and that would be true in any country. While I have never been to Beijing, I have visited Hong Kong and parts of the mainland. The clubs we attended had very few Westerners anywhere to be seen, and they all (men and women alike) seemed “less involved” as far as mingling with the locals. However, Western women are generally more aggressive than the locals whenever they are traveling, and I’ve seen that in every city that I’ve ever been to. That’s part of the problem with Western women. Most cultures are not impressed by aggressive women, especially when the aggressive nature is complimented by arrogance and a clearly visible sense of self importance.
Also, the entitlement mentality is quite evident in NA women while traveling. Whenever they find themselves NOT being fussed over, they start whining about how ignorant the locals are for failing to recognize “who they’re dealing with”. It is very sickening for me to be in another country and watch NA women acting as if the entire planet owes them their undivided attention. That attitude is visible from extreme distance in a culture where such thinking is almost unheard of. Yet these NA women turn it back on the locals as a shortcoming of understanding or intelligence.
Switching the shoe to the other foot, watching foreign women in our clubs and social environments, the same NA women are angry and threatened by “outsiders” and are very quick to condemn the visitors for violating some sacred grounds. Again, quite sickening to observe, but very common behavior.
I disagree with that the role media plays in the perspective Qi Zhai adopted while researching this article, because the social network has far surpassed conventional media for “enlightening” today’s younger jet set. None of these 20-somethings are crossing the street, much less the globe, without some sort of current generation, high speed, do everything, palm sized communications device. There is NO mystery about what to expect upon arrival at Beijing or any other major city in the world. To suggest that there would be any surprises, is simply ludicrous. Two touches of an “i-screen” or similar unit will put you directly on the dance floor of nearly any club or disco on the planet, in real time. One more touch of the same screen and your favorite drink will be set upon your chosen table and waiting for you seconds before you walk in the door. There is just too much information around for any of these gals to be unaware of any dating or pick-up situation, anywhere.
I certainly do not feel bad for the Western women who travel to some far off local and then end up feeling “ignored” just because every guy in that region doesn’t rush to please them. It is long past time for these NA women to remove their heads from their rears and get a grip on the simple reality that most men, throughout the world, are NOT impressed by self centered arrogance and hard nosed attitudes.
Thanks, Richard, for your take on the article. I myself feel very embarrassed by how we Americans/American women represent ourselves when abroad (I guess I still have some sense of patriotism). I pray that we can change things. If we could only look past ourselves, reach out, and try to have the mindset of service to others instead of ourselves, I think everything would be ok.
God help the USA.
–Anna M.
Anna, in fairness to North American women, I think this idea of privilege goes far deeper than nationality. Give any girl around the world physical attractiveness, money and all the other things the world deems important, and she’ll act like a spoiled goddess if she doesn’t have the proper grounding. The same, or worse, could be said for men.
I think you touched on the most important anchor, and that is a degree of selflessness or unselfishness or the ability to see the worth and value in others. Faith or religion brings that perspective to many, but I have seen it in those who profess no faith or religion. In those folks, it seems to be a remarkable combination of genetics and nurture or the good fortune of a healthy home life when young.
Earlier in the week, I read an article about character. The writer pointed out the well known fact that character isn’t built through pleasure and surplus, but through trials, tribulations and scarcity. She pointed out that the best friends, the best human beings and the best leaders are those who have persevered through intense loss, hardship and adversity or those that have an understanding and appreciation for those challenges.
Several years ago, I had the good fortune of sharing a twenty minute car ride and visit with the late Sam Walton; who at the time was the richest man in the world. I might add that I was just starting to build what is just now a one-horse farm, so I was probably one of North America’s poorest. To say that he was unaffected, understated and down-to-earth is a true understatement. He asked me sincere and probing question after question, offered support and some praise. When we parted and he told me to come see him if I wanted to sell some plants, I felt immeasurably enriched. One doesn’t have to be worth billions to have such a positive impact on others, Anna. As you know, all it takes is the ability to see beyond one’s own nose.
Great story, Sam. You are very right. I certainly do not point to our American nationality as the culprit for our societal problems. I guess I am just saying, as an American, I want to be proud of my country as any person in the world wants to be proud of his/her homeland, and it is becoming increasingly more difficult.
Like you, Sam, I think a lot of the problems we are dealing with are spiritual in nature, but I agree, I have met many people who are not particularly religious yet more loving, etc. than some who profess a particular faith. If we could all just realize how much we truly depend on each other, and treat each other with respect and kindness– what a different place this would be. I guess I am trailing off from the article, but somehow this all ties together. I guess it would be great to read an article about how wonderful western women are, how kind and thoughtful they are, how well educated, etc.
But I am an optimist in the end, and I believe we can do it…and it starts with me.
–Anna M.
Anna,
I sure agree with your position. I want very much to be proud of my country and my heritage when I’m out in the rest of the world. Lately, however, I tend to not say much about where I’m from.
Even though I’ve always had a burning curiosity regarding other lands and other cultures, it is even easier for me now to listen more while saying less.
We simply have too much (of everything) in NA and for that reason we feel that we “need” less, including (all too often) other people. Be it the lack of spiritual grounding, which we all used to have instilled in us from birth, or the socio-economic failings that have everyone so edgy, or political confusion that we can not seem to escape . . . NA people are tense and irritable these days and our entitlement thinking has given us the image of spoiled little rich kids throughout the world.
My hopes and prayers are that we will somehow find honest leadership in our political process and a fervent return to traditional values that were the core of our nation in the past. Not one of us can “do it all” ourselves, but of course it all begins with each of us.
Keep your positive outlook. That is very important to everyone.
Hi, Richard and Sam. Couldn’t agree more with the idea that much of the problem is of “having too much” and feeling entitled to even more. As Sam wrote, “character isn’t built through pleasure and surplus, but through trials, tribulations and scarcity.” What with the economic downturn of the past few years, I’ve been thinking a lot of my grandparents, who survived the Great Depression. How very thrifty they remained, 3o and 40 years after the Depression ended. They didn’t waste, were careful of resources, no matter how much money they had in that bank at that time,didn’t need name-brand everything to make them feel better about life. They knew a little discomfort, a little going without, wouldn’t kill you. My grandfather, born in 1903, was too old to be drafter when WWII broke out, but especially as the child of German immigrants, he wanted to demonstrate his loyalty to the U.S. So he volunteered to serve as a guard several nights a week at the local airport — that was after working a full time job. And he was happy to help. Nowadays, the attitude would be, Hey, I’m too old to be drafted — lucky me, it’s not my problem.
For a long time in America, at least since the ’90s, it was seen as silly, sort of paranoid, to be thrifty and not indulge yourself whenever you could. Yeah, I know that’s a generalization, but the prevailing attitude was, Don’t worry, there will always be more — more money, more jobs, more credit, more time. Spiritual grounding was something we’d evolved past, supposedly. So anyway, I think about them a lot and try to live more like them. One of the reasons I enjoy visiting this site (No, I’m not in the market for a Russian wife! ; ))is to “listen in” on others who wouldn’t think I was some hopeless throwback! God bless.
Renee,
For any of us who remember parents or grandparents who spoke of “real” lean times, it seems that we would naturally appreciate the possibility of having to do without, even if it were caused by something far beyond our control.
When the great depression hit, most people (80 to 90 percent) were working for themselves in some capacity or another. Those who were first hit and worst hit were the ones that had already gone to the cities to take part in the “second” industrial revolution. Steel processing had become faster and better and Ford came up with the idea of assembly lines. Having a “job” was the new direction. Nobody saw anything like WWII coming because “The War to End All Wars” was still a recent memory.
After seeing the effects of a Wall Street collapse between two world wars, one would think that we might all understand how delicate the balance is between having nearly anything verses having barely enough to get by on.
Most of our NA peers have never seen real tough financial times. The ones who seem to complain the most feel that they have been slighted because their parents broke up and left them with only two year old video games and conventional picture tube televisions. Not only that, their first cars were almost 10 years old! (Pitiful little fools)
My daughter turned 12 yesterday and despite still not getting a cell phone or iPad, she went to bed last night saying it was the best birthday of her life. (well, getting our first snow of the season on her birthday helped a little bit)
I think that the responsibility is ours, to not let young people think that they are entitled to anything beyond our love and guidance. If we remember the power of the word “no” our children might have greater respect for us when we say “yes”.
Anna,
There are plenty of articles of that sort, I remember reading something like that about Moscow few years ago.
I wouldn’t say that expat women feel invisible here, and the best explanation I’ve heard so far is that men are simply going after something more *exotic*.
Kisha,
I’m really curious about your comment regarding men there ‘looking for something more exotic’.
There seems to be an abundance of beautiful, educated, well balanced women already there, and the expat females are not what the local guys are looking for, so what is it that the men in your region “do” want?
We have beautiful women in NA as well, as do many other countries, but we lack any large percentage of women with traditional values and a realistic image of self worth.
Do you think that the general feeling among women throughout the world is that they must “settle for” a man at home rather than seek a good man elsewhere?
I know that women here frequently use the term “settle for” when discussing men. It is a huge part of that “me, me, me” thinking which has come out of the feminist movement. Additionally, we have young women now who have never had the benefit of growing up where there was a clear presentation of the “other side” of things because feminism has been around and well rooted for over 50 years.
Do you see the likelihood of cross-cultural dating and marriage as a “came and went” sort of chapter in our history?
Richard,
I think you misunderstood me. It’s the expat men that are looking for *exotic* partners.
Expat women are generally after a long term/same social class relationship and most of them date expat men. Occasionally they may go out with Russian men, but that generally does not last (for many reasons).
My personal opinion is that women would rather “settle for” a man at home, rather than seeking a good man abroad. Also have to define what is good. Cultural differences can be massive.
Cross cultural marriage will, however, increase with globalization. But it will be become less traditional.
I’m 19 and all the intelligent, wonderful ladies don’t want to do anything serious. One of my co workers says she “isn’t looking for anything.” and has been single for 4 years but, she is a fantastic person. I guess i’m ahead of my time for most guys. My best friend did find a fantastic girl that works very well with him and they are on the same path.
I’ve been told i’m very mature for my age many times by my mother. I feel like i ‘m ahead of the women in my age range on life. Some have aspirations to be in a serious relationship but those ones tend to be very controlling and i can’t have a serious intelligent conversation with. They also can be cold which doesn’t work with me as deep down i’m a pretty emotional guy.
I want to travel to see what it like and become aware of cultures other than our own here in the United States. Whatever i get out of it will be worth it.
Having read some of the replies in The Mail, I was quite shocked, some of the men replying were really shallow, replies such as “she’s no longer interested in your money now that her looks have gone” well to start with, the guy needs glasses, her looks certainly haven’t deserted her, yes her biological clock is ticking, I can understand where she’s coming from as a 45 year old male who’s never been married & not even managed to hold down a relationship in his life, okay I didn’t party with the rest of them, I couldn’t, it never appealed to me.
I don’t know about this lady, but I am now in a job that doesn’t allow me a life, a job where more of us are single or divorced, but the job situation in not just the UK, but worldwide, we are lucky to have a job & be able to keep a roof above our heads, for this, we have to sacrifice having a life, being able to hold down a relationship, or in many cases, being able to find time to get into a relationship, although our biological clocks don’t tick in the same way as a ladies, men still get old, we also get to the stage where we realise that we can’t have children, we will be too old to go running around a park or running behind a pushbike when the stabilisers come off, in my case, I’m not capable of fathering a child, yes I do think that I lost out there, but as I have never been successful in relationships, it makes the loss of not being able to father a child that much more bearable.
I do hope that this lady finds what she’s looking for before it’s too late, I can only wish her luck…….
Another point that I’d like to make is that this young lady advises other ladies not to screw around in their 20′s? For a lot of people, I don’t think that they are ready for marriage or commitment until maybe 30+, the friends I have that married in their 30′s have a much more stable marriage than those who married younger, the majority who married in their 20′s, more so their early 20′s are now divorced, I think that there is too much stigma brought on by peers to settle down & get married, have kids etc before we get to our 30′s, my family don’t talk to me because I’m single at 45, they are homophobic & believe that if you’re not married or haven’t spawned a child by 30 you must be gay, so as far as they’re concerned I’m gay & that’s an embarrassment to the rest of the family.
Whilst I do agree that a ladies biological clock ticks by quickly, that they need to move quicker than a man, they still should be able to have a life, not leave school/college/university & think right, now, settle down, get married, have kids, blah, blah, blah, women need to have a life too or they end up resenting their own existence.
I agree they can still develop their lives. It seems Russian women can do all this while partaking in a relationship. Doesn’t mean you have to have kids tomorrow but, you need to start somewhere. I hope the best for this girl but she’ll just keep making excuses until one day she 30 and thinks, what the heck was i doing. I see know problem with people getting married young but they better realize the commitment, sacrifices, and maturity that is needed. Not too many people in their early 20′s are ready for that in this country. Also realize it is not a joke and takes lots of work, some bad times, many good. Not that i have seen a functioning marriage where i live. 90% of my friends parents are divorced mine included but, they are still friends. I see very few people together that work well and not just staying in marriage while it is clearly dysfunctional.
Also know my friends sister who is to get married shortly and she should not be marrying this guy as its not gonna work they have too must dysfunction and the guy its too immature. Too much give on her part and receives nothing in return.
know to no*
Having looked on some dating agency sites, there are quite a high percentage of Russian & Ukrainian ladies who are divorced in their early 20′s, a very high proportion who are divorced, so I don’t think it is the case that women in the western world are immature or not ready, I do firmly beleive that all of us need to live a little before we get tied down to marriage, mortgage/rent & kids, I don’t think that is any kind of excuse.
Alike to you, my parents divorced, they stayed in a dysfunctional marriage for years, the majority of my friends are divorced, a vast majority of people I know in general are divorced, my own sister is divorced, that is why I beleive that we all need to live a little before we get tied down, as we already have an overcrowded planet, perhaps those who do marry late in life ought to consider going down the route of adoption if they really feel the need to have children, there are more than enough children in care worldwide. I don’t believe we need to make excuses for trying to live a little.
I see no problem with that. I almost got caught up myself with something like that but, its not for me right now. Instead of that i ended up with no relationship which in the long run was much better. I learned a lot from that one.
Relationships need to develop (i see no problem to date 5 years then get married and such, at least thats my plan), the people need to develop and learn who they are and what shortcomings they may have. Learn about themselves and learn to love who they are. But, what i see is in one person in particular is that they get the idea that it impossible to have fun while in a relationship. If you can’t i figure you should find a new one. I myself am still figuring out where my life will head and i’ll willingly test the waters. Have to learn what you don’t like somehow.
On a side note i see many people rushing. My best friend got engaged after 5 months of dating. My ex gf looks like she shall be doing the same shortly (close friend of mine). I make it clear to them to be aware of what they are getting into and its not a joke and needs to be taken serious.
Adopting kids seems like a great idea that i never thought of, just another thing to add to the possibilities list. I like to keep an open mind in life.
Tanner, I know your story all too well, I have lived it all my life. When I was your age, I asked my H.S. sweetheart to marry me, saddly she said no. My friends all tried to get me back out dating again. I was still crushed I guess, but I did try. I dated a couple of women off and on over the years, but everytime I popped the question, “no” was always the answer. It has been 28 years since I graduated H.S. and I am still single, never married. I wish you the best in your journey, but now, I am to old, and I have been deprived of love too long. I have leukemia, and I am no longer in remission, so yes I will die alone, and yes it is to late. Ladies, choose well. Thank you for reading, goodbye.
Tanner, I know your story all too well, I have lived it all my life. When I was your age, I asked my H.S. sweetheart to marry me, saddly she said no. My friends all tried to get me back out dating again. I was still crushed I guess, but I did try. I dated a couple of women off and on over the years, but everytime I popped the question, “no” was always the answer. It has been 28 years since I graduated H.S. and I am still single, never married. I wish you the best in your journey, but now, I am to old, and I have been deprived of love too long. I have leukemia, and I am no longer in remission, so yes I will die alone, and yes it is to late. Ladies, choose well. I never was the richest guy on the block, money and looks were never what I was searching for. I to this day, do not want to marrry someone because they pitty me, so they will all find out soon enough. I don’t see myself as being shallow, just unwanted. Thank you for reading, goodbye.
Rich,
What you’ve shared is not rare or even uncommon. Many young guys take their high school romances and feelings of love with them throughout adulthood. (It is unfortunate that we don’t have classes in relationships for our young people) We all have the ability and the inclination to transfer our earliest thoughts of love into our adult perceptions of that emotion. That is a mistake that most of us can’t avoid.
Another part of that situation is when we take the object of our first love and use that person to evaluate and assess each successive relationship. I speak from too much experience on that note.
Whatever your condition and position now, and without any sort of condescending rhetoric intended, I believe that the only time that it is too late for anyone is the day they finally pass on. I have witnessed terminally ill patients finding romance when they had very little time left, and I don’t believe that such things are all just someone “feeling sorry” for them.
Everything that I thought I knew in high school became much more clear when I was in my late 20s and early 30s. Then most of that was cleared up even more in my 40s. Now, as I am running out of birthdays in my 50s, I can say with complete confidence that things in life get clearer with age, and I suspect that when I get to my 60s they will bring some enlightenment as well, should I be around to see them.