Pick any city in Russia or the FSU.
Go to any of the many beauty contests that are sponsored there and you will see a whole bevy of incredibly beautiful ladies who are just oozing with femininity.
Now since I’ve been to a few of these events myself, I’ve always noticed one interesting fact:
Many of the ladies in the audience are just as beautiful, if not more so, then the ones on stage.
Now I’m not trying to knock the girls with the confidence to strut their stuff under the spotlight… but that’s just the point I’m trying to make.
Because the more reserved and shyer girls (who vastly out-number their more confident sisters on stage) are the ones who usually need to compete for attention, even if any one of them could walk across the street and bring traffic to a standstill.
In any case here are some great photos from Dimitry Chushkin taken in the modest little city of Voronezh:
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Nice, I think I definitely share the same taste in girls as you. I really think the pics you post of the russian chicks are much more appealing than the “hot” girls in other blogs. Anyways any tips for finding these girls in USA, especially in DC, would be appreciated
An employee of mine showed up to work this morning with her a** hanging out through an 8 inch tear in the back of her jeans which went unnoticed until she bent over in front of me revealing the color of her underwear. I immediately went to the toolbox to see about remedying the situation and came back with a solution… duct tape. After I handed her the roll she couldn’t believe I was serious. A few minutes later she told me she was having trouble and asked me if I would put the tape on for her. I want to assure everyone I was a complete gentleman and used the back of my hand to apply the… (not really). I told her to just get herself covered up. Chalk up one more use for duct tape.
I personally prefer a woman of more modest apparel.
I exchange messages with a young Ukrainian university student and model from time to time. I have no romantic interest in her and vice versa, but I thoroughly enjoy trying to navigate the cultural and language differences. Since I strive not to generalize, I initially assumed she had a poor sense of humor, but I soon realized that I did not understand or find any of the jokes humorous people in that region told regularly. I’ll post one of her jokes below and her attempt to explain it to me.
He: – marry me?
She: – No!
He: – On no, and no trial. The guys in her car.
Well UTB usual joke …
UTB as well, she does not want to get married to go, but the guy loves her so much that he is ready and will marry …
type wants to whatever she was his wife …
Well ..
not much ..
but is soon shows ..
I would appreciate any definitions of the acronym or abbreviation “UTB”. I have yet to decipher that one. If you can explain the joke to me, I am anxious to learn! Meanwhile, please enjoy any swimsuit/bikini adds you see in Eastern Europe or surrounding regions this spring. This sweet girl is featured in a bunch of them and does runway modeling as well.
So did anyone else catch the segment on men going abroad to find wives on NBC Today recently? Here’s the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkI-L0zxxFM
–Anna M.
I just watched that clip, thanks! That segment let much to be desired. If only GalacticLove and his wife were on that show, they could explain the real reasons why Western men go overseas, with eloquence and some statistics, to boot.
I also noticed that they were not being entirely honest about their reasons for going abroad, instead citing that it was more “economically beneficial” to go abroad for love…which basically makes no sense.
–Anna M.
Anna, I wish more was done to put down the arrogance and condescension of those using the term “mail order bride”. I finally understand Rw_man’s perspective on the issue completely. The man that owns the dating service should have been better prepared, too. I agree that he was anything but eloquent.
It is common for Russian women to protest a compliment about their looks, they will say “I am just a normal Russian girl.” Gentlemen, this is the modesty you want. Forget about how short their skirts are. My fiance only left me alone in public twice in two weeks and both times I was approuched by women. My advice is to be nice and dress nice, the women will be looking for you. Yes, I am offended by the idea that I am desperate and have a mail order bride. I went to Russia and then later Urkraine to find my dream girl. By the way I went to vist the same girl in Ukraine but I did not have to have a Visa and prices are cheaper than Moscow. We toured Ukraine for three weeks by train. This was a blast and a great trip, why not make this fun?
Man! Russian women are so hot, but it is soooo cold over there. I guess the women are really starving of attention.
I saw a Russian women sitting in a Starbucks in Washington DC. She was in a class of her own. The guy she was sitting with had this shit eating grin on his face. Like he won the lottery!
She probably felt like a kid in the candy store seeing all these gross, obese women in DC. In Russia, she is invisible!
That is precisely the problem of many not just Russian but FSU women who chose to immigrate to the USA.
FSU ladies are naturally beautiful, they know how to look after themselves & their appearance. By that I don’t mean that I would want to see women dressed in skimpy bikinis or stripped naked, I like to see a lady dressed comfortably for herself whether she’s dressed in a pair of jeans & a shirt, a business suit, a smart dress, as long as the lady is comfortable.
I’m an american living in Voronezh and I somehow stumbled onto this website. I’ve been living here for several years studying Russian at вгу and I can say that I truly love living in Russia. I actually know most of these girls in these beaty pageant photographs and as beautiful as they are they are quite common here. I agree with most of what I’ve read on this site but on a selfish level I’m a little bit sad that others are finding out my secret. Ha Ha! Oh well, it was only a matter of time I guess. I love you Russia!
Hello, it’s me again. I’m back in Russia. I hope to write some more truthful comments about Russia in the near future, however much I am hated for telling it as it is. It’s been more than four years now and I hope some people (even one) appreciate my honesty and truthfulness as I don’t mince my words.
Stuart, sorry to bother u, but if this country has so many bad sides why u live in Russia? I live in Germany and I had extremely hard time here esp. in the beginning. Ive met indifference, bold racism, rejection. So what? This is what happens to allmost every foreighner. I consider myself lucky since I found a job, a place to live and a few good friends to share enjoyable moments with. In Russia i was never noticed by men. Here I get asked out a lot, but often find out the guys just want sex with me. So I havent yet met my special one. Is this a reason to hate Germany? Certainly not. If I had been unlucky its all my fault I just need to focuse on the positive side and keep going.
And who really needs the bitter truths about Germany? Nobody. At home I say everyone I`m all right cause I get good education, work with interesting ppl and keep chasing my dream – to create a family. If I dont manage ill just come back
THere are millions of lonely women in this world, Stuart, and none of them complains
If u have any particular problems in russia why dont u ask for advice? I read some of ur posts, it seems like ur really being negtive about our women
So if u experienced smth particularily bad in Russia u can ask for advice, maybe sum russians on this site will help u
I think many ppl forgot how difficult it allways is to adjust to a foreighn country and to survive. Living somwhwere is not like tourism, u know
Lisa,
Just before reading your entry I was watching another video of a presentation made by the late brilliantly articulate Anglo-American writer and atheist Christopher Hitchens. Though I am hugely biased, I think Christopher’s vociferous criticism of religion and faith centered excessively on the fanatical, overbearing extremists of Christianity and Islam that most all of us find repulsive.
That’s another subject for another place and time, but I couldn’t help but notice the similarities between that topic and our own personal experiences with foreign cultures. I think you have done a remarkable job of analyzing your personal encounters and experience and refusing to denigrate an entire country or culture because of the negative aspects of those encounters or collective experience. For instance, in the case of men with “dating” motives that differ from your own, you have observed a universal phenomenon best identified with human nature and not the culture of a specific country. At any rate, I commend you for your positivity, maturity, and open mind. Even at my age, I find it hard to be so philosophical, especially when my feelings have been hurt or when my intentions have been grossly misinterpreted.
At the same time, I admire Stuart’s honesty and courage. My best guess is that his experience has been horrific primarily because he is a complex man with strong convictions, relatively unique interests and ideals, and a nature that takes time to appreciate. Surprisingly, I think he is in a good place to find companions of a similar bent, but it will take work. Residents of Moscow are criticized for their materialism, their low appraisal of the worth of the individual and a multitude of other things, but a 9,000 year history of hardship and extraordinary challenges has produced a people with an amazing literary bent and a depth not often seen in modern times. Stuart, as always, I extend you my best wishes and again express my hope for your happiness. Take care.
Thank you sir
SAM! Why have you left Facebook!?!? Your presence has been missed! xx
Hi Uly!
Thank you very much. I miss you and your posts, but, basically, I needed a break, and some time in the great wide open. For this time of year, the weather has been fabulous and I have had a great time being outside with the trees and bushes. I’ll have to stop by your site and keep up. Thanks again.
Thank you for your reply. I hope you will understand me better than you do. That’s all I can say to you.
Hi Stuart,
I enjoyed your comments and found them truthful indeed, so please keep posting!
I shall inform you of the goings on here. It’s been extremely cold here recently. I’ve still managed to get out and meet new people every week, though.
I wish you wouldn’t put these Russian women on a pedestal so much- they seem to take to heart the nonsense they hear! Sometimes I’m glad to be a foreigner in Moscow, not having much popularity with the locals. It wasn’t like that in most other countries I’ve lived in. Russia is one of those places where being or at least behaving like a gentleman doesn’t carry much weight. Remember most people here in Russia had parents who were part of and afraid to oppose the most wicked system ever devised by mankind- Communism! Most don’t want to talk about what happened, partly because most of the atrocities were covered up. Moscow is a rough place with rough people with rough backgrounds- that’s the truth!
Stuart,
I don’t doubt what you are saying, but I look at Moscow in the same light as New York, London, Paris, Bangkok or any other enormous city. The worst of the worst in today’s world gravitate to those places to reap easy pickings from the ones who have legitimate reasons to live and work there.
Moscow should not be looked at in the same light as cities of developed countries as it doesn’t compare.
Stuart,
History has shown that the two primary types of people that move into the cities are those who seek to work hard and lift themselves up financially, and those who seek to take advantage of the first type. That trait is common to the major cities of the FSU as well as it is in the major cities of every other industrialized nation.
Certainly there are huge differences from one country to another and I’m not implying that Moscow is “just like” all the rest, but hard workers and the scammers that follow those hard workers around come from every country on Earth.
By conservative estimates, the crime families in Moscow are responsible for nearly 40% of the financial transactions. Many people would say that it is more like 80%.
My point is simply that organized crime, political corruption and every other form of human debauchery can be found prevalently in all large cities.
Stuart,
Russian women expect men to be gentlemen, so holding doors, offering a hand to step out of a car or a bus is just normal.
I have not noticed many men carrying women bags around (if any) in London where I currently live.
And people on tube are pushing each other just the same. And would not think to move their bag off the seat if someone else is standing in front of them.
Not true. Certainly not in the Moscow area. Most women and men shove other people around like animals fighting for their dinner. Watching the underground on the first train in the morning is like musical chairs. It’s shocking to watch rivers of people in the Moscow underground. But the London and Moscow undergrounds don’t compare. People are selfish about leaving their bags on the seats here too. I’ve noticed men carrying women’s handbags for their wives and girlfriends here, something I would never do, even if you paid me. As for flowers. A bunch of roses costs about 1500 roubles. Money wasted. Women here are often grateful if you open a door for them but not in England. But they hardly ever say spasiba here, which seems like they are rude. People here push in queues as if they don’t care about anyone except themselves. In England they are most respectful in this aspect.
The only difference that in London people have a habit of saying “sorry” it doesn’t mean that they are.
You are not holding a door for a woman just to hear her say “thank you”, are you?
Agree about the queues though.
My point was that people in big cities are selfish, and they are selfish everywhere communist or not.
LOL communism is NOT one of the most wicked systems ever devised….id say thats capitalism, whicbn has the power to augment human greed…Notice its not russsia that has been wandering the world with its armies but the capitalist US and lately EU
Go to former soviet countries, and many people now yearn for the return of communism…considering that their ‘emancipation’ has brought hardship and a loss of social benefits of communism….
brian,
Just curious how long you’ve lived in the FSU and what area you are in.
As far as “the capitalists wandering the world with its armies” is concerned, you need to learn how to distinguish between economic systems and the politically driven military goals of any given national government. The two are not at all the same and shouldn’t be viewed as if they are.
To learn about world economic agendas and how the military can be linked to financial domination, look up and study the life of George Soros. I don’t mean the sugar coated, what a great guy he is, Wikipedia version of his life.
As you acquaint yourself with the people of the FSU I believe that you will find that the only people who seriously long for “the old days” under a Communist government are those who never had much before and still don’t now, or else a few people too young to remember first hand what that system was like.
Most (if not all) of the FSU people I’ve communicated with over the years have NO desire to return to the equal sharing of poverty and misery.
Communism killed more people than any other wicked system known to mankind. When I look at the old babushkas selling pickled cabbage outside the underground in the freezing cold I don’t think to myself, those damned Americans/Brits did this. I think, poor people have never known the blessings of living in a relatively free, democratic, prosperous country because of communism.
Babushkas sell pickled cabbage because their state pension is peanuts. Most of them probably could have lived in far better conditions if communists were still around.
Hello Stuart,
As always, I appreciate your willingness to share your experiences and opinions in an honest and forthright manner, but again, I want to encourage you to invest the time needed to meet quality people and gain their trust. As you know very well, we can debate the merits of various economic and political systems and cultures until we’re both old men, but the opportunity to enrich our lives via good relationships of all kinds remains.
Online social sites have been roundly criticised, and they are a poor substitute, in my opinion, for true personal interaction, but I can say without reservation that my experience at Vkontakte has been immeasurably rewarding for me. Each day I communicate with boys and girls and men and women from St. Petersburg to Sakhalin Island and many, many places in-between. Like millions of people before me, I have discovered that there are a multitude of voices in that region and that someone invariably comes along that destroys my attempts to generalize and catergorize by region, age, sex, status, etc. I have been charmed by sweet souls from Nizhnevartovsk and Krasnoyarsk and soothed and reassured by patient and kind folks in Moscow and St. Petersburg, and, yes, I have been cursed and hurt by a mere handful of people from those places, too. Some “friends” resist my overtures, but regularly, people write and ask for my advice or opinion or help. They share their lives and passions with me. Gorgeous paintings, drawings, songs, poems, photographs, videos of performances, graduations and family events fill my “box”. Just yesterday, I was brought to tears by one beautiful young girl’s expression of love for her humble home. She paints like Rembrandt, and looks like Lena Kansbod, but she’s happiest when out on some mosquito-infested lake on the taiga fishing with her dad and cuddling with her mom by the campfire at night. She’s wowing them all at a university in a larger town, but home to her is still her parents’ place. She’s just a kid, but she told me that only love can save the world, and she and I both know that the old Russian writer that said that was right on the money.
I shared all that, Stuart, just to say that jewels remain. I don’t need to be on the ground over there to say that with certainty. They are here, too, but that’s another story. Best of luck, Stuart. Please keep grinding.
whether russian/ukrainia women are better than those in the west depends on how they are measured. Certainly my experience is that they are by and large beautiful graceful and more accessible than similar women in the west.
Chatting with one, on a site, who is gorgeous, she was surprised when i said she should be a model…she isnt.
Its a pity the man made obesity crisis in the west and a very self centred culture has made many women here less attractive.
This is unrelated, but it hit me while reading these blogs:
I love your analogy of how women have changed from a role of supporter to competitor in western culture. I think men have continued a role or ‘protector’.
My ex-fiancee wouldhave the hardest time getting me coffee when she was getting one for herself. It took a long time for me to get her to talk about it and piece it together, and the jist of it is that she didn’t feel she should do something for me that I could do for myself, and if she were to do something she didn’t want to do then she would be compromising who she is as a person.
I think a lot of people would agree that a women cooking for her man is, unfortunately, seen as degrading. But, here’s the interesting part:
Is it degrading for a man to fix a broken light switch for his woman?
This is such an obvious example of how society is broken, I can’t believe I didn’t realize it earlier. I mean, seriously, why is it degrading for a women to help a man in her traditional role, but if a man helps a women in his traditional role than it’s all good.
There’s even an evil little twist in pop culture to this, on TV you see the single career woman asking her manly neighbour for help all the time, only she’s not sleeping with him so the neighbours just getting used for his natural desire to protect women (by fixing their shelter).
PS – just found your website, and I can’t tell you how happy I am to realize why dating in north america just doesn’t add up. I will be buying your videos, partly to see them, but mostly to support this website!
Kevin,
You have hit on a simple truth that most (by far) people in North America do not understand. The lie of feminism says that; a) men should always help out women, whether they really need it or not, b) that women are “conveniently helpless” when they think men should serve them and c) that a man who expects the same considerations from a woman is just a manipulative pig. That garbage has permeated our culture since shortly after the end of WWII.
However, the very worst reality in what you’ve said is that North American women today think that getting your coffee (or whatever) while they are already getting their own, is some sort of self degradation perpetuated by the inherent laziness of all men, which is just more of the lie that is the feminist agenda.
If I was in the same room as you and was going to get a refill of coffee, I would ask if you or anyone else wanted more as well, since I’m getting it anyhow. That’s called common courtesy and has nothing to do with a person’s gender.
But please remember that anyone who is under 50 years of age in North America has been raised in a polluted society where they have had almost no example of men and women treating each other with dignity and respect. The poison of feminism is deeply entrenched in every area of our lives. To suggest that anyone has been “missed” by it would be a dangerous error. We all have to live with and fight against the perception that everything women do is great while everything that men do is a screwed up mess which has to be “fixed” by the right woman.
You are fortunate to see what you have seen. I feel good hearing you use the term “ex-fiancée” with regards to a woman who has the type of attitude you’ve described.
I agree with your views on feminism except where Russian women are concerned. I believe they (most of them) want their cake and eat it just like the western women. I disagree with just about everyone regarding the view that they want western men for love and marriage, though. Not in my experience, they don’t. I have the feeling that they much prefer a man who looks Russian, speaks Russian, behaves Russian, has Russian values, attitudes, is Russian educated, but conveniently has a E.U. or U.S. passport. I think the old saying goes something like, if she looks too good to be true, then she probably is (too good).
hey Stuart
you are SO WRONG. You either hang out with 16 y.o. high school students or supermodels from Rublevka. I know not one single decent russian girl who would mind start a relationship with a foreighner who has serious intentions. For a russian woman a man who wants to get married and start a family is like a man made from gold. From my own experience and the experience of my best girlfriends – all 20-26 y.o., very good looking, university educated and working women – they d LOVE to date a man, even a man from a foreighn culture, who has serious intentions.
but probably supermodels are a little more picky. try dating someone more easy going and down to earth. try not to tell everything about you and your intentions on the very first date. treat her as a friend first, but dont forget to say many compliments – and shes gonna signal you when she s really interested in you.
Lisa, if you can find just ONE Russian woman who is willing to date, romance, marry etc, from who I am as a human being, then I shall eat my words. In the meantime, let me give my true experiences to people who want to hear the truth about what goes on in Russia as I live there and don’t write about what Americans or English people tell me but from what I see here and now. I’d love to believe what I read on the dating websites but it’s just not true for the most part. Please show me your evidence of these women. Show me and I’ll eat my words! I live 10 kms south of Moscow and will give you my number if it helps! I’m not afraid of being proven wrong.
btw beuty comes in different shapes and colors. the problem that many russian guys make is that they ALLWAYS go for the prettiest girls. by pretty they mean not just a cute face and a slim, good figure. no, they want a woman who is dressed in gucci and D&G, makes lots of money, drives her own car, wears tons of make up and has polished nails. those women arent the only beauties out there, stuart. you r lucky u didnt see them in the morning without make up. A cute, shy librarian from a provincial town is actually much prettier then any make up covered model and is going to age much more gracefully.
and no, we dont prefer russian men. they have disappointed us way too much. they can easily dump a good girl because she “doesnt have the status”, “is not prestige”. a 30 y.o. russian man considers a 25 y.o. woman an old maid. how unfair is that?
I would recommend you to look for intelliogent, good looking women who speak English, had been abroad, are 22-28 y.o. without kids. they would understand your culture much better and not frak out at certain misunderstandings. there are TONS of such women in moscow. Oh I dunno, go to literary clubs, english language clubs, where they watch foreighn movies, take a spanish or a photography course. there are so many of decent women out there and so many places to pick them up, especially in moscow
The impression that I’ve been getting on here isn’t that russian women prefer western men, after all genetics makes us pre-disposed to be attracted to people who look like us, and while russian women are beautiful they are a different kind of beautiful then say Irish women.
It sounds to me like what they really value is a stable man that can provide food and a safe home, one that won’t divorce them after having children and not pay child support. I would not be surprised to find out that you are right and they prefer russian men, only that russian men like this are literally 1 in 10,000.
For myself, I personally prefer a women with freckles and brown hair (Not Red!) but I can see myself being very happy with a russian women because of the traditional family values they have that are absent from every Irish/Scottish women I’ve met
Just a quick follow up for Stuart, can you elaborate on your cake metaphor?
I am very interested in hearing about all experiances with russian women, not just the good ones.
It’s easy for me to start thinking of them in a perfect way, but that can be dangerous, especially when I haven’t met any…
The first thing that comes to my mind when meeting a Russian woman for the first time is often how nice she looks and how I’d like to marry someone like that. Then I start to talk to her and try to get some sort of interesting rapport going. The atmosphere often freezes as I wonder if she’s trying to hide her feelings under a veil of repressed emotions and torture. As I start to reveal my true opinions and values, I soon notice she expects a barrage of compliments and becomes uncomfortable with my sincerity and shows a fake shock at my relaxed sense of humour and attitude. I often become bored with her as she disappears into the back of my mind and she leaves with a sense of shock and bewilderment at the strange man she has just met.
It’s just that Russians don’t like small talk Stuart. Russians simply do not find silence uncomfortable. What we may find uncomfortable is lots of questions from a person you see for a first time. Sounds like you just don’t bond with people in Moscow well.
It sounds to me like you’re getting the hang of the culture , Stuart.
In reference to relationships of any type over there, I constantly hear the phrase “step by step”. Once you gain the trust of some of those folks, I think you are going to be amazed at what you will find. An Englishman moving to Moscow is akin to a small town American boy moving to his country’s cold white North. I can tell you all about that. I wouldn’t expect you to be meshing with the team without some painful and frustrating experiences first. Humor never hurts anything either.
Please keep us posted. The world needs this kind of interchange in the worst kind of way. If we address the challenges we face successfully now, it’s going to take a cooperative effort.
P.S. I got an invitation to Velicky Novgorod this morning, and a promise of homemade meals and guided tours. I might just do that one day. I’ve already promised to sing at a double wedding in Sumi, dance at a ball in Kharkiv, and play with some kids in Krasnoyarsk. If people are nice to me, I figure they are nice to others. Hang in there, Stuart, and as they say here in the South, “Keep Grinding!”
Sam,
Love hearing about your invite to Veliky Novgorod. That is the city I was planning my Russian trip to a couple of years ago. They were celebrating their 1,150th anniversary as a city and the time when I was trying to get there was during their celebration of children. My plan was for my daughter and I to spend 3 or 4 weeks there, until problems with the ex brought things to a screeching halt. The city is one of the oldest and most historic in the whole country.
Here in North America we think of antiques as being 150 to 200 years old. There, 500 years might be considered a break in period. What a wonderful place it must be.
Hope you make it there, my friend.
Thank you very much for sharing that, Richard. Thankfully, the people of Eastern Europe and Asia seem to be avid photographers, so I have spent many hours admiring gorgeous pictures of incredible wrought iron work, intricately carved and sculpted monuments, sturdy buildings, and indescribable natural beauty.
Below is a link to some of the art work of my friends at VK. With the exception of one person, each artist is university age or much younger. This is just a sampling, I remind you. https://picasaweb.google.com/114125708212214251218/DropBox?authkey=Gv1sRgCKy40Z_B182CDQ#
Richard,
As I said, the link is just a sampling of the art and caliber of people native to Eastern Europe and Western Asia. I could quickly upload many more examples. Personally, I believe that every individual is of infinite worth and value, but to those of more liberal worldviews, this link should begin to dispel the arrogant notion that these people are in any way needy or inferior to their Western counterparts.
Thanks again for your good wishes.
hi stuart,
I like to think of things in terms of graphs, like putting women on a bell curve with supporter on the left and competitor on the right. This website talks about how this bellcurve has shifted to the right, towards women being competitors like men, because of the feminist movement. While its great to hear that the bell curve is still rooted firmly in the supporters side in russia, it’s been mentioned that the feminists movement and MTV has taken root in Russia.
My point is this, how do we tell if a russian women maintains traditional values or just says they do because it’s what we want to hear?
I have it engrained in my brain that 95% of beautfiul women want you to spend all your money on them. Again, it’s like a competition, and the more then can get you to spend, the more they win.
Rationally, I really that russia is a different culture, but I still see these beautiful women and see ‘high maintenance’, I can’t help it.
As previously mentioned, there are bound to be some russian women that are looking for a rich western man to buy them furs and jewelry, so how do we as men find this out?
This is hard for two reasons: 1. western girls I can size up in 2 minutes, but with the cultural and language barriers I wouldn’t know the first thing about judging a russian womans intentions, 2. If they are looking for money then won’t they just tell you what you want to hear?
An idea I had is to not ask leading questions like: do you cook and clean? But instead asking something like: What do you want to spend your days doing?
Also, thanks to Kisha, it’s good to know to start things off slow. How do you get to know someone without small talk, and what do you mean by small talk? Personally, i don’t like small talk either, but i do like conversations with valid questions and some kind of depth.
Is small talk asking what your favorite colour is, or is asking about her ambitions small talk as well.
I’ve hung out with international crowds before and I find that being modest, polite and fun almost always works. Still, it would be great to hear about other cultureal challenges so that we can be aware of them.
Sorry for the long rant….
kevin,
Your entry doesn’t sound at all liker a rant to me. You have legitimate concerns and you have aired them clearly. So let any interested parties on the site weigh in on what they think and see if we can be of any help.
First of all, from my perspective, the primary reason that younger people are worried about how to “find out” if someone is being totally honest, is because the modern norm is a few months of dating/sex and then marriage. NO ONE can “know one” very well in so short a time span. People just aren’t that simple. We ALL have quirks and idiosyncrasies which take time to come into clear focus for those around us. That’s just how it is so ya’ might as well acknowledge the fact.
One of the primary reasons that marriages used to last 40, 50, 60 or more years was because the couple GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER before getting married. They knew each others’ families, friends, activities, hopes and dreams – and then they shared them all.
In 1950 it was normal to date for a couple of years before marriage. Most of those marriages have lasted. Now days, two people meet at a club, go home and get naked, hook up a few more times over the next few months and then decide it’s cheaper to share a living space (and easier to get laid if they do) so they get married. Then within a year, for some “completely unexplained reason” they’re only together when they have to be, they argue about nearly everything, and then bitch to their friends about how much the other person has changed. Believe me, I have seen this play out dozens of times just in my area of acquaintance so you know it is happening hundreds of thousands of times everywhere else.
Is there a question that you can ask someone to find out if they are just planning to take you to the cleaners? In a word, “NO”. Would a crook tell you that they intend to rob you blind? Not too likely. And what about asking an honest person? Well, they would probably be offended or insulted. If you are still getting to know them it is an unfair and undignified thing to ask and if you already do know them, the question shouldn’t need to be asked at all.
You find out such things by getting to know them. That takes time. In our iTouch, microwave, instant everything world, we simply don’t want to take the time to really get to know someone, but that is THEE ONLY WAY to ever know if that person is right for you, and you for them.
There is no shortcut to a successful marriage. And then, once you have said, “I do”, the real work begins. Now it’s time to stop the courting and start the performing. It’s time to be a real man; to put your woman first and mean it, to listen when she talks and know that what she said is valid (and that it WILL come back up again) and also that she wants, needs and deserves a say in the running of your home. However, here again, we run into some of the problems associated with a post feminist world. Very few women will acknowledge or accept you as the “head of the household” in today’s world. Whatever the culture, you had better KNOW how she feels about the ultimate decision making falling on your shoulders. A real woman wants a real man, but if she is giving you the responsibility, you had best be ready to handle it. A strong woman may give you your place in the marriage, but she no longer “needs” you to fill it. If you don’t take the reigns and keep a good hold on them, you will become another divorce statistic. That does not mean that you are a totalitarian tyrant. Couples who work things out together, generally stay together.
I don’t think that talk is ever “small talk” unless you are insincere when you speak it. Remember that the intellectual relationship will often precede the romantic one. At least if you are entering a relationship with a real woman. They will want you to be more rounded than knowing the scores of every major sporting event of the season, or knowing what’s on tap in every pub for 20 miles in any direction. Any woman who isn’t interested in your knowledge or ability to hold an intelligent conversation is a woman you really don’t want to be around for very long.
The key is be yourself and if someone doesn’t like it, don’t worry about it. You should never try to be what “she” or “they” want or expect you to be. People either like you for exactly who you are or they never will no matter what. You surely don’t want to end up married to someone who couldn’t care less about who you really are at the end of the day.
Hi Kevin,
Small talk is when 2 people are talking about something equally unimportant for both. Or in other words subject which doesn’t worth being raised at all so meaningless it is.
For example “It is really nice here!” “I really like the colours they used for the curtains, very sophisticated” or “It is a fantastic wedding/party etc I am very happy to be here” , “What university did you go to back home?” when you can say for fact the person would not care if you didn’t even go to secondary school also things like food, some people like to talk about food in a way “The best steak I’ve had was in Goodman’s it’s fantastic!”. It is basically when you feel that the person is not asking the questions that would help to learn more about you as a person but going through some list.
Believe me, I’ve had all kinds of meetings with all kinds of women, from all ages, backgrounds, nationalities and mentalities. I’m not getting any younger and have a realistic viewpoint. I’ve come to the conclusion that Russian women just don’t find me (and I’m not such a bad example of an Englishman) attractive. Other nationalities are easier to date and marry, in my experience.
Just wanted to make a quick post in praise of these women. I had never seriously considered the stories about FSU/Russian women true until just recently. Ladies that truly are feminine, family minded and gorgeous…Yes they really are out there but you might have to cross an ocean to find them!
I’m a 42yo divorced father of two young daughters and am a very family oriented man. I had grown tired of the women in the US who only want to be friends with benefits or afraid to commit to marriage. I had a German girlfriend last year and she was a refreshing change but she also was not interested in marriage… Then I looked farther East and wow!
In January a lady that I had been dating told me she wished I would put on a little weight. I’m 6′ 178lbs. A recreational triathlete so very athletic build.. that did it for me. Enough of these frumpy American ladies who think they have a penis.
So I started communicating with a handful of women and finally have narrowed it down to one young lady in Ukraine. She seems like a really nice person and yes she looks like a barbie doll… 30 years old and educated. Only time will tell but I am going to visit her in the next couple of months.
We met through a reputable site that pre-screens the women and offers to match you or you can find your own. You pay a little money for this but I highly recommend this route if you are serious.
I am learning Russian and the culture of Ukraine now… this blog is also great!
Hello Mike. You were very lucky, or maybe just a good flirter, Mike. Maybe I should go to the United States of America to find those women you speak of. It’s a long way from Moscow, but might be worth the trip. I’ve been in Russia for too long now, and I’m not getting any younger or any closer to my own family. They say it’s the land of opportunity.
Hey Stuart
dont be mad at me, Im not trying to contradict u. U might be unlucky but many, MANY western men in russia have tons of women and therefore are called “sexpats”. I dunno, how old are u? I constantly hear from russian men how tired they grew of women wanting a relationship with them while they just want sex. “there too many of them I cant make a choice” – thats what they say
maybe u should simply try finding a british woman in ur own country? why have u been unlucky there? If I had lived in moscow I would have introduced u to a couple of my friends.
Its funny and sad how thousands of women in this world cant find a mate and have to share 1 alkoholic husband for 5 girls. and on the other hand there are still men who cant find one single women.
Lisa,
It really is a disappointing fact that so many people “claim” to want a true, loving relationship, yet never seem to find “the one”.
Could it be that the girls over there in the FSU are as confused about what they really want as the girls here in NA? (I am really just asking what you think about it, not trying to imply anything)
In the news story rw_man posted under “Polygamous Russian Women”, the woman telling the story is, as she says, young, smart, attractive and single. I’d say she is very attractive, has a great career in broadcasting, and certainly appears to be a “good catch” for any man. Why is she not married, if that is her desire. I’d date a woman like her in a split second. Do you think she is actually looking for a husband? Is she simply putting a good show for her job? Can you think of any reason why she wouldn’t be swamped with gentleman callers?
A few years ago, here in the Vancouver market, the word got out that a local, young, pretty, single, TV newswoman had posted a profile on one of the more popular dating sites. It really stunned me to think that she would ever have needed to do so, yet she explained to another TV interviewer that men simply “assumed” that she was “un-datable” because of her prominence in the media. But she also said that most of her single friends felt the same need to “advertise” their availability. I know that newswoman and have seen some of her friends. Most of her friends are typical, modern NA women with a chip on their shoulder and a welfare mentality, but she has always seemed to be a very level headed, and compassionate girl. (by the way, she found a fellow and they get married the next year)
Do most of the men there feel that beautiful women are “out of their league” like so many men here do? Are most of these very pretty professional women more stand offish than they claim to be?
Surely I am too old for a 28 year old woman no matter how worldly or professional she is, but are there no 30 to 40 or 40 to 50 year old women equally searching for a meaningful relationship if those statistics are true?
I’m just curious about what you think about all of this. It really is a very major undertaking for somebody there or somebody here to just take off and go to the other country on the mere possibility of finding romance. And if romance does follow, after the initial novelty has died down, what do you feel are the chances of these very long distance meetings becoming life long marriages?
Thank you for all of your great thoughts and opinions.
Dear Richard,
I ll try to explain from my point of view and the experience of my friends, hundreds of women I had met during my life in my hometown and in moscow – the reason why so many decent educated russian women stay single:
1) russian men dont want a woman older then 25. they are allways looking for the youngest and prettiest, unmarried women over 30 are considered old spinsters in russia – many men are afraid those women might be infertile
2) russian men dont want women with career. russian women are generally more educated then the men. as a professional german teacher myself I wouldnt might settling down with a nice russian man even if he was an electrician, plumber, sales assistant, as long as he doesnt drink vodka and wants a family. but most russian workmen drink vodka daily after work and consider it an obligatory to get drunk on weekends. educated women seem “too intelligent” for them
3)the office workers and men with successfull careers, on the other hand, prefer not to choose a successfull women if shes older then 26. they want a girl with a status, but it better be much younger student or model. successfull russian men of 40 – 50 easily settle down for 18 – 25 year olds, i know such cases myself.
4) russian men have so many options choosing women that they micht not settle down till 30. often they have to get married sooner if their girlfriends get pregnant but thats another story. so, the best marriage age for a man would be 30 – 40 or smth, cause he allready had enough of the playboy lifestyle and wants to settle down. but in that age gap men are rare in general in russia, since so many of them had allready died because of alkoholism. so younger women (20 – 25) and older women (25-35) have to fight for the men in that age group. and of course the men prefer the younger women allways
those are the reasons why there are son many single women in russia aged 25 – 35
you asked about older women. there are lots of them. some have been married and have kids, some dont
are there nice, pretty , intelligent women aged 30 – 50 who want to marry? YES
and since russian men in that age hardly exist those women have a hard time finding a man. check out the statistics. women in russia in the age gap 30 – 50 outnumber the men almost three times. russian men dont even consider a woman over 40 as a potential sex partner (why if there s so much young meet around?)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_Russia
you asked – are there many decent women in ur age gap, who could be ur potential partner? yes
can anybody guarantee you that ull meet the woman of ur dreams in russia? no
older women might not speak english or understand western culture
but if they ll ever marry u then certainly because of u, not to get the papers
even younger women leave russia for foreighn husbands mostly to be happily married, not to simply leave russia – cause living in a foreighn country is allways tough
the older women dont care much about foreighn countries at all but they would do anything to be with a amn who makes them feel like a woman and move anywhere in this world and even leave their old friends.
of course all what i SAY COMES FROM THE VOICES OF SINGLE WOMEN I MET
If u ask married and happy women, they ll never stop praising their russian husbands (the few decent non drinking men that are left out there)
my own mother who is 58 and looks great for her age, recently married an 81 y.o. college professor. no joke. she was a widow after my dad died since the age of 30 and nobody even aproached her assuming shes too proud or too good for them. now there finally came a guy, brave enough, who stepped out and made the move. and for the past year they ve been totally happy. he s neither handsome nor rich but she loves him
here s the link to a british guy who lives in russia and shares his thoughts in a blog
http://www.england-moscow.com/
he gives lots of advise about the women too
btw russia is not the only option. the are many well groomed and youngish looking women over 30 in chech republic, poland and eastern germany. I ve met them and they look fantastic. they have a lot of men there too, so I dont know wheather getting a woman there would be easy
in thuringia (a state in eastern germany) are LOTS of amazing looking women aged 30 – 50, but they have the men also=) so its not like russia
I hope I was helpfull and sorry for the huge post=)))
Lisa,
I find your comments fascinating, do you mind me asking what part of Russia are you from?
I really find it all hard to relate to, maybe it me being a moscovite maybe something else. Never had i had a feeling that I was too old for dating or that I had to consider dating below me to find an a mate who would be interested in past the prime age of 25 me. Alcoholics , plumbers or factory workers , they just never asked me or any of my girlfriends out thus I can’t even remember seriously considering anyone like that.
Lisa,
Thank you very much for the detailed reply. I am thrilled to get your input and have learned a lot from what you’ve shared.
A very sad point in my mind is what you have said about the view of professional men in Russia toward professional women. It must be kind of hard for a woman to be very well established in her career, or to have much status if she is only 18 or 20 years old, yet at 26 or 28 she is considered old. It seems that the working class men want their Vodka first and a bathing beauty second, but a wife who is not smart enough for a career. For the guys like that in America we say, “he wants a mother in the kitchen, a waitress in the den and a prostitute in the bedroom”.
Over here in NA, many men of my age talk about young women in a way that might suggest much desire, however, most of them wouldn’t step out and try dating anyone half their age under any circumstances. They talk a big talk but don’t even take little steps on the same walk. We have many more middle age women seeking young men here now days than the other way around. Almost no women my age would consider dating me because I am simply “too old”. The funny thing is that most of the same women look much older than me and are in much worse physical condition than me and most of all act much older than me. I can’t help wondering what sturdy young men will being saying “yes” to them.
I don’t desire a woman who is too young and I respect the women who say that age is not important, but I have been with young women before and it really isn’t practical. There is so much vigor in youth which is restrained in later years for several reasons. For example, at 18 or 20, I raced motorcycles on dirt tracks in the summer and frozen lakes in the winter. It was very exciting and I dearly enjoyed it. Would I do that now? No Way. I still love being out there watching and hearing the action, but that torch has been passed. I still put on my leathers and jump on a Harley when the weather is nice, but I won’t offer to race the next bike that roles up next to me at a stop sign as I did in my 20s and 30s. And I won’t get out one of my motorcycles for a New Year’s Day breakfast ride when there is snow beside the roadway or in the pouring rain as I used to do every year.
Of course there is never a promise of romance in traveling around the world, but my work has taken me to several places where romance just happened by being there. Most often it seems, the romance was heightened by the fact that it was a temporary situation. The feelings from some of those encounters still remains, but that is why we call it romance, I guess.
It still appears that for many of us men to test the theory that Russian women have much more to offer than the women here in North America, we must schedule some time and buy an airline ticket to the FSU.
Thank you again for sharing your thoughts.
I’m 48.
Lisa, it’s not a matter of luck at all, it’s to do with being liked. If most women don’t like someone in a particular place, country or region after going out or trying to go out, it means just that- that you are not accepted because they don’t like you. I believe that nationality is important- your nationality creates an impression- mine is English, and it has a lot to do with it. Those stories about western men having tons of women in Russia are for those who enjoy fantasising and willing to waste precious time and money in coming to Russia only to find out it’s just a load of old gossip. Readers of this forum, don’t you believe it, for God’s sake, it’s just not true. I’ve been here for over five years now, and the vast majority of young Russian women are unapproachable and inaccessible, especially to western men. I’ve also lived in Ukraine where it and other European countries. The excuses I’ve been given from them are never-ending. Don’t feel sorry for me, though as I am not some sort of freak or wierdo, just the type of well-travelled chap you may find in some parts of England some sunny day. I may point out that I don’t take drugs and don’t touch alcohol, so in case you’re wondering whether I’m deluded or can’t think straight, judge for yourself.
hey Kisha
believe me, im not a russian women advertiser=))or a scammer
Im originally from volgograd
what i said was true about me, my best friends and many other single women i met
my comments may sound bitter, cause I have bitetr experience in my own family, have alkoholics amongst our relatives, and later went to a college filled with women
it was normal to have 300 girls and 4-5 men in my year at our faculty
I KNOW that there are happy russian women out there older then 25, who can marry and have boyfriends
but all ive ever heard from our provincial guys was “shes not young enough, shes not pretty enoough”
i did have boyfriends myself and i tried to be a good girlfriend, but they never cared for me and MEVER wanted to marry me
my last russian bf told straigt in to my face, he ll never settle down for a girl outside moscow, he said i was too provoncial.
right now Im dating a british guy here in germany, and the difference between him and the russian guys is striking
ive been unlucky in russia, i feel quite different here
if u are luckier and have good expeirience in russia im very glad for u
may i suggest, u probably have studied science or technology? they still do have some good old real russian men in those polytechs=) my mom married a proffessor in physics from our town, so i d know
but my experience has not been good. ive lived on the single planet
all my life – now the things have changed finally
sorry for my grammar, i never care about when I write on forums
Hi Lisa,
Thanks for being open with me. I understand you situation very well. Unfortunately most of central Russia and espessially Krasnodarskij kraj are by far the most neglected and poorest region in the whole Russia.
One of my childhood friends is from that region (small military town) her reports were unpleasant.
Sorry to hear that about your last Russian bf. That is nothing more than a socialist times anachronism, where people from Moscow felt precious.
I had expirieced however things totally different to that, as most of my boyfriends were popping the question at the early stages of our relationship.
You are quite right about my background I did do a degree in mechanical engineering. And out of 300 people on our course there were about 25 girls. We were loved cherished and respected. That was the place where i learned to be friends with men. I later went to a humanitarian uni to do a degree in translation and men to women ratio there was different. About 8 guys for a group of 80 girls. But even then the guys were just NORMAL.
As for professional Russian men I know, they are all married to NORMAL women, who happen to be their peers and of the same social class. Unless you are talking about the “new Russians” type, who happen to be the same uneducated Vodka drinkers but in a different disguise.
hey Kisha
yes, Im glad to hear a more positive look at the russian male female situation from you and glad that there are some decent russian guys out there. I suppose russian proffessionals do tend to marry their peers, but how often have I heard the phrase “she s 30. shes desperate. im only 35 y.o. man, i d rather date a college student” i guess my own negative expeirience makes me to see everything in the bad light, however every time i visit my home town, i realise that i am right in my assumptions – it just strikes me how tough it is for the women in our country.
Richard, if u ever decide to go to russia or eastern europe, i advise to make aquitances with the local ladies on the internet first. like sam told – on those websites. dont be afraid to have many options and meet several women.
I am the type of person who doesnt believe in internet romance
its best to become good buddies on the internet, share opinions on several things, then meet each other, hang out together and then realise whether the magic really happened or not=))))
i hope ull find someone in ur country or somewhere else – men who are willing to love all deserve to meet someone
Feminism is the most deadly poisonous ingredient for any relationship, it always leads to failure. That’s why I recommend staying away from feminist countries including Russia if you want to find a suitable marriage partner.
Good gravy. It really is all about getting out of Moscow and Saint Pete, isn’t it?