God bless you Dr. Laura..
She is one of the few women out there who can really call it like it is..
Her latest book called “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” should be required reading for any woman that wants to get married. It is filled with timeless wisdom that certainly echos what I’m trying to get across on this site as well.
One of the key things that really struck me was her comment on Men’s sexuality during her interview on FOX News with Hanity and Colmes..
Dr. Laura: You see, one of the things you said — one of the things you said a nice guy, a real man. Real men want a real lady. A guy will do anything available to him. My mother and father taught me that at a very young age. My mother said one time “a guy’s not going to throw many females out of bed if they’re willing to be there.” That’s the reality of male sexuality. But a male — a man does not want to marry that. He wants to marry somebody he can put on a pedestal, be in awe of, respect and admire. And my upcoming book in January, “The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriages”, is a lovely book about the healthy, beautiful ballet between a man and a woman when they do it right. (to check out the entire interview click here)
What could I possibly add to that?
Honestly not a whole heck of alot..
Except that if you actually wanted to a FIND woman like this..
A Woman with whom you could put on a pedestal..
A Woman with whom you’d want to approach on bended knee and ask for her hand in marriage.
Well.. I think you guys know what to do… 
Please enter your email for special updates, news & upcoming offers 
Do we really need to put another human being on a pedestal?
I find Dr. Laura refreshing in an age of moral relativism.
Vper1..
If you can’t do it for her.. then she can’t really do it for you now can she?
I think feminism is definitely over rated. Men do really respect “real women” of the nature Dr. Schlessinger described and yes, men want to marry women who they can put on a pedestal and admire. On the contrary, most men who marry hot women find the respect for their wives rapidly diminishing once the sex part becomes routine.
Two people who are better conversationalists than sex partners will always have a better married relationship.
Excellent point RW!
That is a VERY important point for all of the men here to know – especially when it comes to Russian women. When you love, adore, and cherish a Russian woman – when you “put her on a pedestal” – the love you will get in return is ASTOUNDING.
… this should, of course, be the case with any loving relationship — 50/50 — unfortunately American/Western women have developed a false sense of entitlement that makes this exchange a novelty. I’m not saying that it can’t be found in the states, but won’t be easy.
Badkow – you are also righ on the money!
Anything that stands the tests of time has a solid foundation. Sex, looks, money — these things will not support a relationship that should be based on love and companionship.
Unfortunately many men don’t realize how to hit that curveball until it strikes them out a few times.
I’m coying this message from another discussion group (with minor editting):
In May of 1955, Houskeeping Monthly published an article called
“The Good Wives Guide.”
Here is the complete list of the things this publication said that
women should do for their husbands.
*Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a
delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of
letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are
concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home
and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
*Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed
when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair
and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary
people.
*Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring
day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
*Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part
of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over
the tables.
*During the cooler months of the year, you should prepare and light
a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached
a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After
all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal
satisfaction.
*Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all
noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to
be quiet.
*Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity
in your desire to please him.
*Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him,
but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first -
remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
*Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
*Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out
all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone
through at work.
*Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair
or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready
for him.
*Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a
low, soothing and pleasant voice.
*Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment
or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such
will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You
have no right to question him.
*A good wife always knows her place.
I have many mixed opinions about the “Good House Keeping Guide”. Some aspects I actually find offensive – such as the idea that the man’s topics of conversation are inately more important than the woman’s – utter tosh.
It’s also good manners to ring home and let your Lady know you’ll be late for dinner / not in, so she doesn’t waste her time and effort for no reason. It’s a matter of respecting those efforts and showing you’re away she’s making them.
However, a couple points ring true for me:
“*Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him,
but the moment of his arrival is not the time.
*Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.”
An ex-girlfriend of mine, whom I lived with for a year, just never understood this.
I cycle to-and-from work, so usually knock on the door to be let in, instead of faffing with my bike and bag trying to get my keys and she would always be home before me, so could let me in.
I asked her time and again to not bombard me with things the moment I stepped in, infact, just to keep the conversation to a minimum until I’d put my bike away, had a shower, changed and just generally got my head right after a long day and work and a solid hour of cycling.
Whatever it was that needed to be said, 30 minutes was not going to make any difference.
Once I was ready, I was more than happy to listen to her and converse and I *wanted* to hear what she had to say. But she just never understood I needed a bit of time to prepare myself and get out of work-mode.
Sorry, I meant “you’re aware she’s making them”. Typo’d.
hi rw_man,can you help?
i dont know if this the correct way to contact you but here goes anyway!
ive met a beautiful russian girl and im hoping to meet her in january in st petersberg, however im having a real struggle trying to find internal flights for her.she is in azov and the nearest airport is rostov, any ideas?
gb99
“we are a generation of men raised by women.” the only way for US to get out from under that stigma is for women to realize THEY are the ones who are wrong.
I wouldn’t say wrong, but misguided.
So, what does ‘being a Lady’ mean in Russia? What would a ‘Lady’ in Russia expect from a ‘Gentleman’? Would she be offended (like an American witch) if I held the door, offered to help with a heavy package, pick up the tap, or basically conducted myself as a Gentleman a al Cary Grant, John Wayne, etc?
Hi DLS,
I want you to completely eliminate any idea of potentially offending these ladies by acting like a Gentleman.
All the old rules apply here.. opening doors, helping her with her coat, walking next to here on the street side, offering your arm for her to cradle when walking across the street, carrying anything heavy for her, pouring her drinks, basically anything that you can imagine that shows real consideration and respect..
THIS IS THE PLACE TO DO THAT DUDE..
And on top of that.. you will enjoy the heck out of yourself when you act this way and you will never grow tired of it..
Study up on your old etiquette rules.. You will be very glad you did. Cheers, GL
I see a great deal of confusion among men in the west about etiquette and manners.
The arguement made by feminists was that it was a systematic method of keeping women supressed. Wrong. It is a sign of respect and high regard for others.
I come from an Italian family and was raised in the concept of ‘Gentiluomo’. Which means gentleman. Also it means a man who comes from a good family. Many of my ex girlfriends didn’t understand the concept, were uncomfortable or they thought it was antiquated or oppressive. Some were arrogant enough to believe they would change me from my outdated Mediterranean influenced views.
I ended a relationship with a girlfriend within 24 hours of being publicly criticized by her in front of friends and strangers. To be honest, I was in the wrong. My excuse was that there is a time and place for correcting an error. In private and not in public in front of strangers. She was completely dumbfounded by the break up. I would never be critical of my significant other in public.
My fiancee and former Russian girlfriends understood and appreciated the concept of Gentiluomo.
I just have to chime in here…I met a woman a few years ago who by all accounts (initially at least) was the kind of woman any guy would “put on a pedestal”, AND I DID! This woman was self-employed (making roughly twice what I do), owned a modest but cozy home, a practical car, was pretty, had a great personality, and at 40 had the body of a woman half her age. I could not compliment her enough. I was always telling her how smart she was, how good she was at her job, how pretty, etc. But I discovered early on that I could do no right. I was a bad father, not as skilled at work as I believed I was, didn’t handle my clients well, etc. The list of my “infractions” is too long to list here. Needless to say, I am now looking for my partner abroad, because I know first hand that a woman here who seems too good to be true, usually is.
RW_Man, Joe,
Thanks for the info. Living near the People’s Republic of Seattle I’ve learned that, at least here, behaving as a Gentleman is ‘bad’. Not that I particularly give a D—. If the fembots don’t like it then tough (I confess to enjoying it when they get mad). Nice to know there are still places where Ladies appreciate Gentlemen. Hmm, would Italy be one of those places (the one Italian woman I’ve met, married!, would definitly be considered a Lady)?
People’s Republic of Seattle..:) It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so true unfortunately.. DLS when you come to Russia you will go into major “Detox” from what you are used to and it won’t be painful at all..
Ansel,
Well unfortunately that was “Placing on a Pedestal” version 1.0.
Very buggy and crashes your system.
Version 2.0 in the form of a good Russian Woman is the way to go.. So make sure you get the upgrade soon!
I know what you mean about the People’s Republic of Seattle. Sometimes I visit the campus of The Ever Gregarious Socialist Collage (TESC), because I have a friend there, and I’ve noticed that women act much more to my liking there when I am wearing a black leather jacket. They like bad boys, not gentlemen.
So chivalry and honour are not dead? And where might they be appreciated? Almost sounds too good. So many stories of heartache and mistreatment. Is there no way to stop the insanity in America?
Is this attitude of our society so ingrained now that it cannot be reversed? I’m beginning to think RW_Man is correct. The only way to get away from this lunacy is to move to the country of the lady you find. But what if she DOES want to come to America? Is ready and willing to leave her family and friends?
Hi Canajun,
Actually the only thing you really need to do is to BE with the right woman and then it really doesn’t matter where you are. Moving to Russia is not for the weak of heart I assure you but finding someone who loves you is a much easier transition.
I been in the company of a certain italian man 1-2 times a week. He is married and I am married. I felt an instant attraction to this man the first day I met him. He stares deep into my eyes, is this something all italian men do to all women? He is a true gentleman and knows how to treat a women. I have been married for over 20 years and he has been married for 10. Boy, I feel like this man could have been my sole mate. I have never had an affair or even remotely close. How do you deal with these feelings? It is tearing me up inside. Do I confront him about this or leave it alone?
In answer to your questions: remove yourself by every means possible at any cost from his company. Permanently. Then focus yourself on your husband, giving love, forgiveness, trust, respect, honor, playfulness, affection, and anything he may be needing or wanting from you. You just may see that deep look from him that you’ve been missing for 20 or so years.
And why? Because you’re a woman, who by the very asking of these questions, indicates that she wants to be a good woman.
So go and be one.
Yes, doamna, YES INDEED.
Dusk to Dawn, no matter what you are feeling is going on between you and the Italian man, the truth is you ARE married and those feelings belong to only one man . . . your husband.
Do not become the statistic if you can remain the exception.
We are all susceptible to the exact same thoughts and desires. That is why we marry in the first place. The self expression of intimacy is given to one with whom we are comfortable and confident. Then with time we all can become complacent and feel as though the romance is slipping away. When this happens your eyes pick up on signals from others that have been all around you for the years you have been married, but that you have not noticed so much. Now you get in a position of closeness to a man who may be a wanderer and his attention is focused on you. While you may merely be repetitive, he may see your weakness and vulnerability and decide to take advantage of it.
Get out of that position at all cost and refocus your attention where it belongs; on your husband. Talk with him and explain that your heart’s desire is to always remain faithful and that you need to have some more of the passion back in your marriage. Then tell him to buckle up and hold on because you are going to be the most romantic and passionate woman he has ever seen you to be. Slip him love notes in his brief case, write sexy little notes in the steam on the bathroom mirror while he is in the shower. After making love, let him get on with whatever else he was going to do later and then start undressing him again. If you have to explain yourself, then it has been too long since the two of you have had enough intimacy. Just tell him that men you meet from time to time are showing you some attention and it makes you filled with desire for him. If after a few weeks of this he says to give him a break from all of this, go and get a calendar off of the wall and bring it to him with a pen and ask him to circle the next day when he will be ready to resume. Remind him that there is a five day limit.
Have your affair with your husband.
My comment is related to the main topic, and not to the recent question and answers (which are also excellent).
I agree completely with both the article and GL’s points.
My only concern is about definitions, and how the same idea, in this case “placing on a pedestal”, can mean different things to different people.
Many women need to be able to look up to men before they can respect and love them. They want the safety and security of a relationship in which they surrender to powerful men who will possess as well as treasure them.
That women want to relinquish control can be seen in how they seek to surrender themselves to “bad boys”, at least until they learn to distinguish between weakness and strength, between thugs who are domineering and controlling, and real men who are dominant and in control. In the meantime, a real man can help by emphasizing strength (with caring and kindness!) first, and saving the “nice guy” for when he will no longer be mistaken for weakness.
Unless the masculine role is natural for her, a woman will start to despise being put on a pedestal and lose all respect for a man who worships her. The reason is that she cannot look up to him if he is looking up to her for direction or validation, and his ambition cannot elevate them if she is his highest goal. This might be the situation described in Comment 14.
A man who is not careful could inadvertently make his woman feel expected to provide direction or leadership. And women can dislike this even in unintended forms that a man might not recognize.
For example, a sweet woman who enjoys simple pleasures once told me that she hates how her husband always asks “What would you like to do?”, on her birthday. “Why can’t he just toss me over his shoulder, tell me to get ready to enjoy myself and carry me out the door? And then I would give him that line from [the movie] Pretty Woman: ‘In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.’”
Having equal value as people does not mean having the same needs or capabilities.
A woman wants a man who has purpose, principles and a positive vision of life. She wants to be cherished for her contributions to achieving that vision, but she does not want to be the vision.
Her man should learn her unique needs and traits, and be accepting and supportive even when he does not understand them from personal experience. And he must never allow himself to fall into the bad habit of nitpicking differences that are trivial and unimportant to him, because his criticisms will not be trivial or unimportant to her.
So, I would move our definition toward meaning that you devote so much time, energy and attention to bringing happiness to your woman that she becomes absolutely certain that you belong on her pedestal.
Agree with this 100%