70 Years ago in her native country my Grandmother was a young impoverished and abandoned girl.
She had no education nor cultivation of any kind.. but the one thing she did master was survival and obeying the law of the streets in the town she lived. A brutal place where the cost of life was cheap.. and the cost of death was often much cheaper.
As fate would have it she managed to get a young Man to fall for her. A young man who was to be my Grandfather.
At the time my Grandfather came from a wealthy and well known family. And this family was horrified at the thought of “That Woman” being part of their clan.. They did everything they could to humiliate her..
And they succeeded.
Because from that point on.. the red hot irons of shame, poverty and ignorance was excruciatingly and permanently branded into her soul..
And tragically it burned away what little compassion was left for a girl who was never shown any.
The status, ego and contempt that her new family possessed were used like clubs against her.. And so with this.. she understood that the only thing that really mattered in her life.. for the rest of her life..
Was to go and do the same..
When both she and my Grandfather immigrated to the US the existing shame of being a poor girl was only compounded with the material richness she witnessed around her.
So the only thing she could do was to go into deep denial about who she was or where she came from. And this denial took the form of something that she was well versed in and actually very “comfortable” with.
Ego and Contempt once again became her companions.. but this time it was her turn to wield them.
Ego for the imaginary Socialite she pretended to be.
And..
Contempt for any others immigrants like her who came from the same background.. and a special kind of contempt was personally unleashed by her against the women..
Women she regarded as being “lower” then her now that she was something “special”.. now that she was an “American”..
Women she was secretly and pathologically afraid of.. Because since they came from the same land…
Maybe they knew the truth..
Maybe they would expose her for the scared little poor girl she really was..
A little girl who was still desperately running like hell in her mind even though she was in a safe physical place and no longer had to.. A little girl who couldn’t stop running because she DIDN’T want to stop.
Being that little girl on the run was always going to be her preferred IDENTITY of choice… and sadly she proved it..
It was sad to watch this hatred flow like a flood and sweep everything away in its path..
For no matter what love my Grandfather gave her.. the pain she carried from her past was far too great.. She may have slept with him but she really only made “love” to the evil twin companions in her life…
Although Mr. Ego and Mr. Contempt were really hideously deformed trolls.. In her eyes they were tall, dark, mysterious and handsome figures that promised her heaven.. but we all know that they only delivered hell.
Unfortunately for my Grandfather he learned way too late the meaning of the well known phrase..
“You can take a girl out of the streets.. but you can’t take the street out of the girl..”
So as you read this you might be asking the following questions..
- Was there a happy ending to this story?
- I wish there was..
- Do we have women like this in Russia?
- Absolutely.
- Are they in the majority?
- Thankfully No.. I feel that they are a smaller minority… But nonetheless they are a LOUD minority because they have a real need to brag about themselves and to show-off how “Americanized” they are from the rest.. not in the funny innocent way that is common and charming.. but in the slanderous contemptuous way that makes you immediately think.. “What’s wrong with this girl?”
- Do these women turn into Feminists?
- In extreme cases you will have a small percentage of these girls actually becoming just another angry American Feminist. So this is why finding a Girl with a good identity is so important. It’s only because of this “loudness” that it is worth taking the time to take note of who they are and to sort out fact from fiction in terms of what the larger population of Russian women are like.. or are not like..
- How do I look out for them?
- First
- Read my previous post on how to evaluate the Emotional Maturity Level of a Woman.
- Second
- Be especially aware of any misplaced accusation being directed from one Russian girl to another.. Because more then likely you are actually witnessing a classic psychological phenomena called “Projection” which simply means that they viciously accuse other girls of doing EXACTLY the same things that they have totally done themselves in order to secure their residency status in US or the West.
- Third
- Realize that any girl that starts with a solid, happy and positive identity here in Russia will keep that identity intact overseas. Be aware of what her relationship is like with her family… especially her father if she had one around. I actually have a friend who is a behavioral expert and a professional hypnotherapies. He tells me that the very first thing he always finds out about a girl he might date is what her relationship with her father was like. To him it’s really that simple.. Green Light or Red Light..
Although there are always exceptions with women who have risen above any difficulties.. obviously the happier and more peaceful her overall upbringing was the better everything will be for you and her.
Now that you’ve read what to look out for let me share with you one other insight.
The concept of “Losing Face” is something that I only thought existed in Asian cultures. Well I was wrong.. because it firmly exists within the ancient cultural norms for Russian Women as well. This issue of shame is a BIG DEAL amongst them and I could easily devote a few chapters on this subject alone.
For now I just want you to know that although Shame may be an unpleasant emotion it serves as a key driver for both positive and negative behaviors amongst Russian Women.. It’s generally positive when it’s acknowledged and out in the open because it’s more balanced with their natural sense of “Self-Pride” and drives them to want higher standards for themselves.
It’s completely negative when the shame is buried which in turn drives a pathological need “to be” or “to look” perfect at all costs.. This is when the lying and the deception starts kicking in. And even though every girl knows that lying is “bad”.. to girls who are in denial about themselves.. looking “bad” in their minds is a far worse crime.
So can you see how the emotion of shame could be easily aggravated for any girl from a not so great home who also grew up in near poverty?
Can you imagine what her thinking is like when she goes to another country and sees millions of other women who are “wealthy” by her previous standards?
Can you see how a small percentage of these girls would want to disassociate or cut down other girls coming over from the same background?
Or ESPECIALLY to cut down the Men who wish to be with these other Women?
(of course the twisted irony is that she has the same type of Western Men in her life as well)
My Russian Guy friends in Moscow also tell me that this type of attitude is noticeable with a number of girls who come from poorer parts of the country to live and work in Russia’s biggest city. They actually have a name for this and call it.. “The Moscow Effect”.
You starting to get the big picture?
So Finally.. in a nutshell all you really need to be most aware of is to just look out for any Russian girl living either here or there who answers the following page..
“Paging Miss Ego.. Please pick up the nearest white courtesy telephone…”
“Paging Miss Contempt.. Please pick up the nearest white courtesy telephone…”
And if you hear a woman picking up the receiver and answering…
Just make sure you hang up and walk away..
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Posted first time and my post did not go through, so I’m doing it again… if it’s a double post apologize in advance (luckily I saved my long post because I know how these sites can be).
This isn’t really in response to the post, but just a comment on this blog in general.
I read all the previous posts and all the comments on it and many times I wanted to express my opinion on the subjects that were discussed but I’ll try to summarize it in one post.
Just a little background: I am a Russian woman who spent 10 years living in America. I am 24, so basically my life has both Russian and American influences, but I still identify myself as Russian. All my friends are still Russian, and I never really felt very close connection to any American acquaintances.
I had many conflicting feelings reading your blog. On the one hand I agreed with many of your points about the Russian women. They are feminine and yet they are strong, they value important things in life, and they have not been exposed to some of the extreme feminism here in the West. It’s interesting, but when I was a teenager I was really influenced by some of the messages I was receiving: career is the most important, sex is meaningless etc. When it came down to it I realized that it just didn’t feel right. Even though I have a good job now, I realize that it is just a job – a way to make money – and the most important thing for me is to have a family. I don’t think I will ever quit my job completely, but I would happily take some time off to have children and go back to work once they are old enough. If that delays my career a bit, it’s no big deal, I don’t even WANT to be in a high position. (By the way I realized it around 22, so your estimate on when the girls become more mature was correct in my case).
I think there really *are* some women who are career driven and focusing on their careers makes them happy but I think for the majority of the women it’s probably not true. I think Russian women are more likely than American women to realize that.
There were many things, however, that did not feel right to me. First of all I did not understand your feelings towards most American women. I really don’t think most of them hate men, constantly try to compete with them, and only care about themselves in the relationship.
I think a lot of them are very nice women and care a lot about boyfriends or husbands. Many of them are good mothers as well and love their children with all their heart. Unfortunately I haven’t talked to with many mothers in person, but one time there was an internet discussion on Slate regarding the importance of motherhood and *all* the mothers on the forum said that their children are the best things in ther lives. All the women that are mothers at my work express a lot of joy in their children, talk about them a lot, show pictures, talk to them on the phone. One woman who had a baby and then had to go back to work spent time crying in the ladies’ room because of how hard it was to leave the baby. If a man makes enough money to support his family then the solution would be easy but not everyone can provide enough for 3 people with the costs of living here.
I think there are many wonderful women in this country as well, and I think you are being too tough on them. Many of them do want to have children and many of them love their husbands and want to be good wives, but it can be really hard. My boyfriend does not make enough money to support both of us but when we talked about this we both agreed to work something out should I choose to quit my job for a time after having a child. I think one difference between Russian women though is that they consciously think about being good wives (it is a matter of pride) while American women do not consciously think about it, but I am sure they all want to be. And I am sure there are many beautiful American girls, here in New York there are a lot of models, while in LA there a lot of aspiring actresses etc. The best looking girls I know are Russian but that’s because I mainly spend time with Russian people
Second, I understand you are generalizing, but I just want to say there are plenty of Russian women who have many of the traits you dislike. Basically you paint a really idealistic picture. When I was growing up there I have seen some bad mothers, women that constantly had fights with their husbands, who didn’t take care of their physical apperance, etc. I don’t think any of my friends’ parents were divorced though. When I went back there for a visit, my cousin’s daughter’s friend came over (she was 10), and her drunk grandmother came to pick her up, and she was mad because she was worried about her and she actually hit her on the head really hard! I just could not believe it and I really felt helpless because there is nothing I could do. I am just saying this that there is the “other side” of Russia.
Third, I think it’s a good thing for a woman to realize her responsibility to have a family but I think men have the same responsibility. For a women it is especially important because really she should have the first child before 30, but I think for men it is important as well. I just think there are right times in life to do certain things, and while men don’t have the “ticking clocks” in my opinion there are still right times to start families etc. I hold my father as the ideal man. My parents got married at 23, had us at 25 and 28. In his 30s my father was already a family man. Honestly, as a daughter, I am so happy that they had me so early. Some of my friends’ parents are older and they are already in their late 50s, they are starting to have some health problems. My dad is turning 50 next week and it scares me! I really do not mean to offend the older men here, but my thinking is, if you are 30 or more you should start thinking about having a family now. Your kids deserve spending a lot of time together with you. My grandfather, my boyfriend’s father died in their late 50s (my children will never know their grandfather – I cannot imagine that) – it is scary how many health risks there are even at such young age. I think this is something to think about.
Ok this turned into an extremely long post, but I spent a lot of time thinking about everything that I read on this site. I apologize for my digressions and possibly some bad grammar – English is my second language after all
I hope I did not offend anyone – it was certainly not my intention.
Before I fell in love with my wife, I met with her parents, her brother and her friends. Instinctively, I was searching for her “identity” and I found it in her relationships with her closest circle of people. What I found is that her concept of love and commitment extends farther than my “western” notion. That she can hold such love for so many people and that she can and will do anything for these people is something to behold, admire and envy. I still don’t understand why her first husband did not see this her. Oh well… his loss, my gain.
I think many bad marriages and divorces would have never happened if people followed your lead Kzarz. Had I met my ex-wife’s family, I would have known then and there not to marry her. This advice should be impressed upon every boy and young man.
Taras
Unfortunately, I learned the hard way. I had met my ex-wife’s family and I instinctively knew that something was terribly wrong but as they say, love is blind. In my case, love is blind and stupid.
Thank you for your comments, Taras.
Yes, it is, and it was blind and stupid for me too. But we learned our lesson so things will be better next time. I hope other younger men read this thread so they won’t make the same mistakes we did.
Taras
Hi Russian Girl,
For some reason your post got caught up in the spam filter and I just found it now.. Sorry for the delay in your post..
Thank you for your honest, thoughtful and balanced feedback..
Yes you are absolutely right about a number of wonderful American Women that are fantastic mothers, wives and women in general. And if you check out my FAQ I talk a little about this.
However.. finding eligible ones is a different story all together for most men no matter how “good” they are.
What i’m trying to emphasize on this blog is the much greater range of options they have in another part of the world. Places in the world where there are more thoughtful and considerate ladies like you.
Russian Girl you mentioned that you are 24 now.. I am certain that as you start to explore life a bit you will start to see significant areas in the US where the well is poisoned as far as eligible and qualified women for marriage are concerned.
It’s not just American Men that have this opinion but thankfully there are significant numbers of US women that feel this way also and are not happy with the anti-male group think that is so strongly being promoted in our culture.
I strongly welcome the thoughtful and polite posts you’ve put up even if you disagree with various points.. that’s no problem because I think we both learn from this.
Please visit us again..
Cheers GL
Guys I agree love is blind I as well married for all the wrong reasons and my life has been hell. I didnt think i wanted to marry again, but I have a love for Russian woman. I’ am ready for a real lady……………
[...] his “Rich Girl.. Poor Girl..“ GL quoted, “you can take a girl out of the street, but you can’t take the street out [...]
Hi, I am writing a paper and its about a 10 year old girl, in poverty, living in Russia. Since it is a group paper my portion is about what this girl might go through emotionally. This is actually harder than I thought. I am Hispanic and I don’t know much about the Russian culture but I am willing to learn. So I am wondering if anyone here would like to help a little. Thanks.
Hi Jackie,
This is a deep subject and deserves a one or more posts. Poverty and Russian have been long term bedfellows historically and it brings out certain personality and character traits over time. I’d recommend that you start your search or investigation on what young girls from small remote Russian Villages have to go through in their daily living.
I will say this.. Russian Women can be very good at quickly shuting down their emotions in order to keep on functioning in a hostile or difficult environment. In the West there is an emphasis on free expression while it is not the same in Russia. Because of this a Russian Women will create a private “inner world” for herself that serves as her sanctuary and her hope.
To rw_man and Russian Girl:
In USA,the most liberal and feminist “fortress”are the pacific west coast,specially California,San Francisco and Oregon.
New York,New Jersey,Washington are very liberal.
The most conservative,profamily and best place in the entire USA is the south,with the conservative fortress,Texas.
The center is more conservative than coasts too.
Protestants women maybe the bests of USA,cared of family,withouth too much influence of feminazism.
The problem would be if they copy the “progresist”protestantism of Europe(Lutheran Church,Anglican,etc)and receive influence of feminazism.Maybe the best to stop feminazism is Christianism in USA.
What a pity that ACLU has a real war to stop christianism.ACLU is a real damage for democracy and Constitution,they suck,they support abortion,”gay marriage”,children pornography,etc.In some states,they have a lot of power and influence.
To protect family,real american women with family values,STOP THE ACLU!
Krasnaya Armiya,Chyornij Lenina,
You are very correct about areas of feminism and liberalism in the US. There are many centers of ultra liberal feminazis and anti family beliefs, which you have named and even more. And you are exactly right about the ACLU. As an organization the claim to defend the US Constitution and Bill of Rights above anything else, however they refuse to give equal protection to conservative beliefs and Christians who are ALSO covered by those documents. It seems odd that fairness and equality only applies to you if you are on THEIR side.
I don’t think we have reached the point of no return in North America but we are very close. The same might be said for the rest of the world today as well. Family values and personal dignity are outdated concepts. With only a small handful of true patriots and believers in living justice, it will be very difficult to reverse the current trends. Each person must surround themselves with like minded people and groups in order to keep and build their dreams of a better world.
What you have said about the ACLU and all of the immoral philosophies that they support are only a small piece of the massive puzzle depicting our doom.
The US government is in complete disarray and is perilously close to complete anarchy and collapse. The world has never seen a socio-political meltdown like the one we are on the verge of now. Rivers will run red and bodies will burn by the thousands if this madness does not stop.
But . . . . hey . . . . have a nice day . . .
Greetings Richard:
It’s nice to talk with you,the ACLU is almost unknown around the world,except in close “progresist”circles.
Look at my nick website.Until now is working.
I have tried to find info about ACLU,but some webpages with not so good info about it,but “misteriously”they are clossed.
Try to http://www.aclusux.com and there are many pages closed there.
Positive Law allows even the worst dictatorship,like the worst times of Stalin and Hitler,ACLU is 100% Positive Law,to believe that man creates law is dangerous.
Karl Schmitt,Hans Kelsen have harmful views that now inspire ACLU to destroy Constitution,because “we create law”,so family”is an artificial subject”.
First the family,then the personal freedom is weakened.
Democratic Party is everything less democratic.They should rename as Social Fascist Party of Bussinessman(Rockefeller,Rotschild,Soros…)
Republican Party under Bush was corrupted and dangerous things like Patriot Act destroy the freedom.Bush was almost fascist,not only in politics,even in the economy,with America’s growing corporate state.
I think the freedom values in GOP,are too dying,mixed with bushism or McCainism(very agressive).
I don’t like Sarah Palin either ,she would be a mess,she is a madwomen,she would destroy completly the conservative in the world,stupid EUpeists were extremly antiBush,only imagine Palin…..
So the “progresists”use Bush failure to take control of the people,like specially Obama Youth.
A bunch of fanatics youngs who don’t know nothing except the life of their Fuherer.
(my nickname is a parody of the famous bolshevik song “White Army,Black Baron”,it’s “Red Army,Black Lenin”)