I was at an office the other day and I saw something that just moved me..
It made me realize that there was another kind of picture that I needed to add to this mosaic that I’ve been trying to paint for you.
On the floor where I stood, there was what seemed to be a lone cleaning lady moping the hallway of a long office corridor.. She was wearing a long bright blue apron that all cleaning ladies typically wear here. She and her worn out mop were busy dealing with the grime that was dragged in from the street due to an all too common lack of paved roads and walkways. If it rains like it did on this day then there are always muddy foot prints to follow and this young woman was unfortunately having one of those days.
This is a commonly viewed scene that is a part of everyday life in Russia..
But what struck me was this..
I could not help staring in wonder at how incredibly beautiful and angelic this young woman was.
She was probably about 26 years old, 5 feet 7 inches, with a delicate and upright ice skaters figure. A tightly braided mane of golden hair reached halfway down her back and would sway in time with the mop that she was swinging from side to side.
Her marble blue eyes focused downwards towards a toddler who seemed more doll like then the 4 year old that he probably was. This child was anxiously clutching his mother’s leg eagerly wanting more of her attention.
She paused and stooped down to meet his eyes to say something. Only the boy could hear what she was gently whispering.. Whatever was said between a young mother and her son had an instant soothing effect.. And a precious little smile just lit up a dark hallway with the clear glow of peace and contentment.
As is customary here with divorced women she prominently wore a single banded ring on her left hand to show the world her status. For an American or Western woman a ring on this finger symbolizes her status as a wife. But in Russia it means that she is a wife no more.
Although there are many women of such beauty in Russia.. this young lady was clearly one of the stronger ones.. she possessed a strength not just in her ability to survive but also a determination to hold onto a clear sense of feminine grace in the face of such daily hardships.
Because of my time and experiences in Russia.. it really wasn’t hard to “read” who she was. You can tell alot about a woman by the way she patiently treats her children.
On one hand she was obviously someone who was very beautiful and vulnerable. A woman who was likely born into difficult circumstances which hasn’t yet given her a real break..
But nonetheless.. this young lady possessed a quiet resolve to move forward anyway she could in order to protect her young son. I once thought that storybook scenes such as this were only created from the imagination and skilled hands of a fine porcelain china doll maker..
However on this day I was again reminded that life only reveals her true treasures when you least expect it.
I know that this woman would be considered lucky if she took home 150 dollars for a month’s work. Thirty days of pushing a mop around some dark corridor along with a bucket of black water.. but at that moment with her precious son.. none of that really seemed to matter..
She had a job to do.. a mouth to feed and an eager young mind to fill.
For even if this young lady never had a good man in her life..
Soon she would have to do her best to teach her son how to be one.
(to read Part 1 click here)
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My wife tells me that Russian mothers are the best in the world. And she says this with a “better not disagree with me because I can tear you to pieces in a debate” look. I am starting to believe her. The way she disciplines her child and mine is really a study in composure, calmness yet sprinkled with a parent’s determination that her will be done. And my kids accept this and walk away knowing that this was the right thing to do but most of all, they understand that they are loved. It’s a weird feeling, one that I remember from my mother along time ago. Even though my wife and my new daughter have a better life, she continues to instill the value of hard, honest work and stresses the value of education to our kids. And she keeps me in line too.
I recently found your blog and find it quite infomative, thanks. This American is a bit confused when you state that a single band on the woman’s left hand (third finger?) indicated that she is divorced. Does any ring on the left hand mean divorced, or only one without a gem? It appears that Russian culture does not have the same norms as American (Western) culture with respect to engagement/wedding rings, true? What signs/symbols are used to indicate ‘single’, ‘engaged’, ‘married’, etc? What would I, a Western Culture man, look for so as to no offend or make a faux pas?
You really have to see a Russian mother in action to appreciate it. I have never seen anything like it – I was talking to my father about this (now age 71). He spent over a year in Russia and commented ‘yes, I know what you are saying, then he paused for a moment and said, American women used to be like that’.
He did not say it in malice, he said it with a sad tone of voice. The other thing I notice in Russia is women will go out of their way to say hello and give a little hug to a stranger woman’s baby. And the mother let’s them.
As for the strength of the woman you described, that is the norm. Contrast that to the normal American woman who is self centered and demanding in the extreme. Thanks for another excellent post.
By the way, how is your site traffic?
Thank you for the comments gentlemen. Just trying to tell the story the best way I can..
Kzarz all I can say is that you are lucky man and I really do appreciate all of your comments so thank you.
David. When a Russian women is married she will usually have a very simple gold ring on her RIGHT ring finger.. If she get’s divorce then out of deep tradition she will switch that ring to her LEFT ring finger.
Also don’t worry about making any faux pas.. they will know you are a foreigner and will accept you for who you are.
Rule buddy.. good to see you again.. Your father’s generation really had it right didn’t they? He truly understands what our society has lost.. and I can easily identify with his sadness.
The site traffic is stable but could always be better.. I am way too “controversial” for most sites to recommend me so the only way this is going to grow is if guys like you just simply continue to spread the word like you have been doing.
We will get to where we want to go I’m sure..
Even if we do it one man at a time..
This site is very beautiful. I really enjoy the writing and the topics to discuss
Thank you very much Richele..
The appearance of this site is only a modest fraction of what you would actually see if you were to come over here.
If beauty and grace powers the inspiration of men through the ages then this country is rich beyond compare. And this treasure needs to be recognized, cherished and protected.
You can help best by spreading the word.. Emailing my links to any group of your friends would be extremely helpful.
But in the mean-time keep reading and posting!
Cheers GL
just wanted to add about being married and wearing a ring. A lot of married couples dont wear rings at all, simply because its not the main indicative of the fact that you are married, its the way you act, the way you carry yourself, that will show that you are married. What really blew me away, is that here, in US, married couples wear their rings while being in an unhappy marriage, or even while cheating. What’s the point, I ask, why is that status so important, if what you have is not…
Hi Natasha,
Thanks for the additional insight about the rings which I also find to be true. Please keep posting and sharing!
Cheers, GL
I have been living in Russia for a year and soon to be married to a Russian national. The Russian culture is unbelieveable, a wonder. We will stay in Russia to live.
Before she met me she worked everyday, took care of her mother and son while living in poverty. It was difficult for her to put together the 20 rubles a day to take the bus to and from work. I have never met anyone so strong in character before.
We now have a new apartment, a car (she has learned to drive which was a dream of hers) and she is going to school in the fall and will go back to work after completing her courses.
There is a lot for me to learn yet about their culture. I have gone astray from what she expects my behavior to be and have been “guided” back to reality by her.
I displayed a small amount of jealousy, okay a little bit more than small. When we met she told me right off the bat that she can be jealous of me but I can not be jealous of her. I took that to me trust me but she is going to keep her eyes on me. She has told me Russia is a very dangerous. I know she wasnt talking about crime (I actually think Russia is safer than my home country). Her teaching is strict and I doubt I will ever make the same mistakes again.
Naturally for me and my cultural upbringing, one of my biggest concerns is my future wife having an affair. She is so clever, has a wonderful personality and is simply amazing..and she has the freedom to go out with the girls and I have no idea what they do…..she is also 19 years younger than me. Insecurity abounds within me. Deep down I know her character is flawless. My head knows she will not cheat on me but there is always the nagging doubt. How can I get it to go away?
I was wondering if you could expand on your comment about a high percentage of Russian women cheat on their boyfriends. Why? And explain by what you meant this cheating maybe not sexual? Emotional cheating?
I would like to end by saying thank you. Having been on hundreds of different sites I can truly say your site is the best. By far. I am going to take singing lessons so I can surprise her next Womans Day!!!!
GL,
I read somewhere that some Russian women who are in relationships think that it is acceptable to go out with their girlfriends to clubs to flirt and dance with other men, and that in some areas this is almost a cultural norm.
Is this true? And, if so, how prevalent or ingrained is it?
To me, active fidelity and loyalty are paramount, and this type of behavior wouldn’t be acceptable under any circumstances, regardless of interpretations or rationalizations.
Thank you,
John
Hi Rich,
First off..
There’s alot of Russian Women out there who have been brought up with the idea that if their man shows jealousy towards them that it’s a good sign and shows that he “loves her”.
In my mind this is one of those cultural characteristics from this part of the world that is NOT a good thing. It’s immature and is based on some pretty childish, game playing, co-dependent stuff.
This is not what a real relationship is all about.. And I would not add any fuel to this fire.
Most of the time jealousy is a sign of a relationship deficiency in trust, communication and security in one’s self.
I for one don’t play that game.. and I don’t recommend that you do either and get some control over your emotions and drop the jealousy..
In my mind you have absolutely nothing to gain by it and much to lose.
From what you’ve written I really can’t make a judgement call on your fiance or her character. You have given me absolutely no red flags on her behavior but to be perfectly honest you have given me a red flag on your own..
And this is based on your jealousy that you are talking about.
If she’s responsible enough to take care of her mother and son all throughout and during periods of economic hardship.. then in general there is less to worry about because she has much to lose without your love and support
I’m going to tell you to relax and chill out Rich..
Russian Women have a very strong social bond with their girlfriends and this is something that you shouldn’t mess with. It’s keeps her balanced, happy and in touch with her identity as a woman.
Read my last post on the 5 Rooms.. If you focus on that then you are on the right path. If not then relationships can encounter distractions and problems and you are both going nowhere.
One last thing..
There is a HUGE difference between the responsibility that a Russian Woman feels towards her husband as opposed to just a boyfriend.
Unless there are serious marriage plans in the works or they are living together.. I personally have never given any Russian girl’s boyfriend any serious consideration as to having a monopoly on her. This is no different in the West.. Dating is dating.. It’s a process of meeting, socializing and experience that is supposed to lead us to finding the right partner we wish to build a family with.
A Russian Woman is either committed or not. And her having a “boyfriend” doesn’t really mean anything because in the social hierarchy of things.. Not having a “boyfriend” is seen as a social blackmark. So many younger girls especially in the 18 to 20 year realm are very eager to be tagged as having one.
However, there is no way you should take this information and apply it to a woman is supposed to be your future wife.
In my mind if you wish to start your relationship off with suspicion in the absence of any red flags then you are already screwed.
I’d recommend that you watch or read the classic story of Othello..
If your looking for betrayal you will always find it even if it doesn’t exist.
Good luck to you..
GL
Hi John,
Read my previous answer to Rich..
You either capture a Russian Woman’s heart and respect or you don’t.
Are there “Bad” Russian Girls out there who will cheat on you? Absolutely.. But you should try to be astute enough to avoid the materialistic flashy girls who crave attention because they are either very young or lack a solid identity as a mature person.
As a rule of thumb I would just try to avoid girls that regularly hang out in clubs in the first place. This is true in Russia and for anywhere else in the world as well. Yes there are exceptions but not that many in my mind.
Find yourself a traditional, responsible and hard working gal who is trying to make her life better and has a real identity and you can’t go wrong.
Stick to the 5 room master plan that I wrote about in my latest post and lead the way as a Man and you are good to go..
Good luck..
GL
Hi John,
I was married to a russian woman from Moldova for 13 years, and observed her cheating on me countless times, a colleague of mine whose wife originates from St.Petersburg has similar social habits, sure a bit of space of your own and some socializing amongst your own friends, but to do it under the guise of working late is nothing more than lying and deception, a trait that seems to just that little more prevalent amongst ladies of Russian descent.
Too many can’t see the potential of a good, solid relationship, what two people can achieve. As individuals we can do amazing things, but two people working as one to achieve a common goal, borders on unstoppable.