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Russian Women Secrets for Keeping a Man Happy… in a Tabloid!

06/12/2012
By

 

Weekly World News is the type of tabloid that the Men in Black would read to track down the various aliens and mutants hiding out on earth like the infamous Bat Boy.  

Now as interesting as this may be they actually found the wherewithal to publish key excerpts from a book for Russian Women “He Will Never Leave You.

I was pleasantly surprised to uncover a real trove of feminine wisdom that is already an open secret in Russia.   You see most Russian Women know these key points but I believe that the author was recording these cultural gems of feminine advice into a published book for the sake of posterity.

Unfortunately this rag didn’t get me any closer to finding where Big Foot and Bat Boy hide out…

But it certainly did refresh my existing knowledge as to why traditional Russian and FSU Women are so great. :)

(BTW the advice on Vodka, Fighting and Flirting are questionable and more then likely a little tongue in cheek)

RUSSIAN WOMEN REVEAL SECRETS FOR KEEPING A MAN HAPPY

By Foxington Delaware on June 12, 2012

For generations Russian women learned how to treat a man from Russian philosopher, Yuri Kurinksy, and his book Maxims for Loving A Man. Not to be outdone by Asian Women (who have their own book out now), Russian women have now put their wisdom into a book, He Will Never Leave You, hoping to help women in their relationships.

Here’s just some of the winning advice Russian women have for Western women so they can be successful in love and marriage:

ACT LIKE A WOMAN – Men, especially Russian men, are manly and tough, they don’t want a woman to act stronger or tougher than them. Stop acting like the person in control. You can BE the person in control without acting tough and cold. Be soft and sexy AND in control. Much smarter that way.

TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR SEX LIFE – Men think about sex a lot and want sex a lot – so give it to them, because you want it, too! But you don’t have to wait for them to take the lead – you should be the one to initiate sex and take the lead in bed. He will love you for it – and he’ll never want to leave you!

BE A HOMEBODY – Learn how to sew clothes, clean and make delicious meals (from scratch) for your man. Take care of him and he will take care of you – in more ways than one.

ONE GLASS OF VODKA A NIGHT - Have one glass of vodka with your man every night. It will soothe both of you and put you in the mood. Russians have long known the power of vodka and there’s no better aphrodisiac.

NEVER CONTRADICT HIM -  When you are in public, never say anything that contradicts your man. Men hate to have their woman disagree with them in front of others. Keep your opinion to yourself in public, but when you get home – you can tell him what you really think and feel.

HAVE A GOOD FIGHT – Every now and then have a good, loud yelling fight. Nothing physical. But if you really yell at each other, and are very passionate, it will ultimately lead to the bedroom, where you will have great sex.

SHOW HIM RESPECT! - We Russian women laugh at western women because they have a total lack of respect for the men they love. If you don’t respect him, why are you with him? He is your man and he deserves respect – give it to him. If you do this one simple thing – he will never leave you.

HOLD YOUR GAZE – When you are speaking to your man or listening to him, make sure that you keep eye contact. This will assure him of your attention and your respect, which is empowering to any man.

FLIRT WITH HIS FRIENDS - Russian women love to flirt with men, and there’s no reason to stop when you are married or in a relationship. It will make your man jealous, and keep him fighting for you. NEVER have an affair, but you can flirt. It’s fun.

STOP WHINING! - Western women are always whining, moaning, complaining. Stop it! Toughen up. If you have a problem, solve it on your ow (or with your girlfriends), don’t keep whining and complaining to your man. He’s tired of listening to your complaints – he really is.

ALWAYS DRESS SEXY – Men are visually oriented and your man wants you to look hot all the time, so do that for him. Even if you have to wear high heels around the house just to make him happy – do it. Be sexy for him – all the time. And always stay in great shape!

BE STRONG, INSIDE AND OUT - This may seem to contradict #1, but you have to be soft and strong. Men hate weak women. You should be physically and emotionally strong. Lift weights for your muscles and develop a stoic, cool emotional attitude. Men will love you for it.

(Click here to read the original article)

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49 Responses to Russian Women Secrets for Keeping a Man Happy… in a Tabloid!

  1. Sam R. Ogilvie on 06/12/2012 at 8:30 pm

    I like the advice about respect very much, and I think couples should agree to treat each other with dignity and respect from day one. The most repulsive thing I see regularly is couples ridiculing each other in public. As far as I am concerned, it is unacceptable and should be nipped in the bud immediately by either offended party.

    • Richard on 06/12/2012 at 11:46 pm

      Once again Sam, I’m with you. The public berating of one another makes me want to smack BOTH people. The one spewing the garbage and the one who sits there and takes it.

      I’m not sure what the situation is like down by you, but up here in the Seattle/Vancouver market, it is very common for younger adult women to put down their date in front of her other friends to “keep the man in his place” sort of, and the guys are emasculated enough to roll with it since there’s the inevitable promise of sex at the end of it all. It sickens me to no end.

      • Tanner on 06/13/2012 at 1:25 pm

        As a young guy myself. I have experienced this. But, i will having nothing of it. No thanks i’m not going to let someone walk all over me, and i let them know that.

        I’m not sure what to think of the flirting with friends but, not all flirting is harmful. I know some people who do it just to annoy there significant other. Not sure about the fighting. Life is much easier without it for sure.

        The respect one and looking at me when i’m talking is a HUGE thing for me. If its the only thing i could have thats it.

        My lady listens to what i have to say. Well not that we have disagreed yet. Weird. But, i know i can talk and not worry about how i will be ridiculed like i normally do. It’s a very comfortable environment. She also doesn’t complain about the things going on in her life. Another amazing plus.

        Other points you can’t go wrong with.

      • GRY on 06/14/2012 at 6:20 pm

        This is very typical in the US and Canada, it’s almost standard operating procedure as far as younger “empowered” women are concerned. And lest you think you can talk back to them and argue I over heard a pair of women in their early 20s telling each other that if they’re “dates” stepped out of line with them and objected to such treatment, they would call the police and lie about feeling “threatened” by the men and have them hauled off to jail!
        Women here know the police are more likely to initially believe them and the guys would have a hell of a time explaining themselves out of that mess.
        I couldn’t believe I had heard it but seeing the attitude of modern feminist raised women I can believe they have absolutely no ethical restraint or moral compunctions.
        This is how many modern women in the West view men, as something disposable and to be regarded with contempt at best.
        I’ve experienced similar treatment when I was attending a university level course a couple of years ago and I was in my mid 40s when one of the women in the class started to openly insult me in front of the other students. She had a look on her face which dared me to do something about it. I didn’t because universities have very stringent sexual harassment rules and even a false allegation would’ve gotten me expelled until the matter was resolved.
        This is attitude of many of today’s western women, it’s the reason why I will choose never date here and would rather remain alone until the end. Better solitude then to live with the Devil.

        • Kirik on 06/20/2012 at 7:24 am

          While it’s possible that not all women are “like that”, it’s quite difficult to accept that when we don’t see any of the women speaking up and saying “that’s not right.”

  2. Richard on 06/12/2012 at 11:55 pm

    I really enjoy these tips, however, I can almost hear the screams of agony from NA women if they read this. The feminazis are surely going to jump all over this and tell the world how disillusioned these ‘poor little Russian women’ are.

    Good! Let the nay-sayers cackle.

    It’s too bad that NA women don’t understand the difference between earning the love and respect of a good man verses demanding it from every man on Earth.

    There is a wonderfully clear reality sewn into these tips and it’s one which all thinking women should be excited about. It’s the secret which genuine, passionate, intelligent women have known for hundreds of years. Did you all spot it?

    “Be soft and sexy AND in control. Much smarter that way.”

    That pretty much sums it all up.

    • Renee on 09/27/2012 at 5:34 pm

      Richard, I think you are being a little unfair here. While I would agree that this is a distressing trend among many NA women (especially those in their 20s and younger), it’s not that way among all NA women. The only time I’ve objected to dressing in a sexy manner for my SO is when he wants me to wear high heels — when I walk my dogs! I do not have cutesy little yap dogs that can fit into a handbag. I have a lab and a husky mix, and they like to move! If I wore stilettos then, I would probably end up with a broken ankle. Frankly, I think it’s an absurd request on his part. However, I just smile and say,”Get real.” That’s not too harsh, is it?

      • Richard on 09/28/2012 at 12:54 am

        Renee,

        Just so you know, I think that there are a lot of men in NA who know just as little about being a real man as there are women who don’t know how to act like ladies.

        How you dress for the person you love is between you, but high heels to walk large dogs? You aren’t being too harsh. I’d tell him to try it himself first.

        I try to never say “all” but instead lean on “most” when I’m generalizing about types of people.

        That said, if most NA women took the time to understand and follow some of the practices that make foreign women so appealing to NA men, they just might find the road to happiness a bit less bumpy.

        • Renee on 09/28/2012 at 6:30 am

          I completely agree. There needs to be a support group for non-feminist women in NA! Especially in metropolitan areas, if you were to articulate some of the principles in that article, other women would SO look down on you! You would be viewed as a brainless “Uncle Tom” (well, the woman’s equivalent!). Men wouldn’t defend you, because they’d be afraid the feminist horde would turn on them next for being unenlightened. You know how the left just loves tolerance and diversity! It’s tough enough being a Republican in the NE. Anyway, I liked the article very much; it helps to be reminded.

          BTW, I agree, too, with what you and Anna said about the Internet and privacy. Still don’t have a Facebook account,myself, because the idea of strangers being able to look at photos of me and my family, learn personal info, be verbally abused by mannerless bullies, kind of freaks me out. It’s appalling what many people will put out there about themselves. It increases my respect for Jaqueline Kennedy Onassis, a woman who kept her mouth shut!

          • Richard on 09/28/2012 at 1:31 pm

            Wow, you admitted to being a Republican. That’s probably more bold than starting a support group for non-feminist women.

            So how might we bring the message to NA women that it really is more than alright being a traditional (real) woman in today’s society, and that doing so might even have the huge added benefit of attracting a good man?

            The reaction from feminists doesn’t matter since we already know that for the most part they don’t seem to posses an open mind among them.

            There are millions of wonderful young ladies around NA who just need to know that it is perfectly okay to believe in femininity over feminism.

            And then how do we also retrain the thinking of young men that they can be themselves rather than pounding their heads against the wall wondering who they are supposed to be today, or tomorrow, or the next day?

            We could be on to something here.

  3. Anna M. on 06/13/2012 at 6:09 am

    Hmmm. Interesting set of tips. I agree with most of them, but I’m not sure about the “pick a fight one”, “drink vodka with him” (I don’t drink), or “flirt with his friends”. Other than that, I agree with all of them and they are listed as well in my collection of Christian femininity books. I also have picked up some great femininity books from the 1960s and before which I study regularly. The women of the past have so many great tips, so I always keep my eye out for such books at yard sales and such! My favorite book is called “Always Ask a Man”(Ha!). It has the most fabulous wardrobe advice!

    –Love–
    Anna M.

    • Sam R. Ogilvie on 06/13/2012 at 10:04 am

      You are a wise girl, Anna. I can’t imagine such a positive outcome from drinking and fighting, and the flirting part is especially annoying to me, any man I know and completely intolerable to most all the Russian women I know.

      Recently, I added the best friend of a friend at a popular Russian social site. Because I am not there for romance, I have felt no remorse at complimenting folks coming and going and chatting daily with several different people of all ages. Well, I was more than surprised to find that my long-term, trusted friend and my new friend had both removed me from their friends list late one evening. Elena, my close friend, was hurt by the fact that I added her best friend, and had the gall to compliment her academic achievements. She told me that American men are no better than Russian men and to forget ever enjoying her cuisine and a visit to her guest house. My trusted advisor, “O”, once a resident of Moscow and now a resident of a small town in Florida, told me that such a response was typical from a Russian girl who felt she had a special friendship with a man, and that she had even struggled with her husband’s banter with other women in restaurants, etc. In fact, she felt so strongly that her husband has discontinued any conversation, beyond business(ordering food, etc.) with women in her presence. Again, that’s just a personal experience. Regardless of how widespread such feelings are there, I can’t imagine those girls would expect their boyfriends and husbands to find their flirting with men acceptable at all.

      This is off topic completely, but interesting I think. Having grown up with a completely and peculiarly American moral mindset, I was very surprised at how many Eastern European women post nude(at least topless)photos of themselves at Vkontakte. I was even more befuddled when I discovered that such a practice is no indication at all of loose morals or a wild lifestyle. In fact, I have found the opposite to be true in several instances. I have always been suspicious of any purported differences of significance amongst people of different cultures, but the idea that Europeans have very different ideas about nudity than Americans has been proven true in my limited experience. Because of my cultural background, it really seemed odd to me when a girl/woman that I have exchanged a multitude of messages with and who has posted literally dozens of nude pictures of herself online informed me that if I visited her land and wished to meet her to share a meal that she would bring friends along to even the most public of places. She said that was not for fear of her safety, but because it was the “proper” thing to do.

      Sorry for the rambling and nature of my comments, Anna, but I thought you and others might find them interesting.

      • Anna M. on 06/13/2012 at 12:09 pm

        Oh, no, Sam! I’m sorry you lost your friends. I hope they will see you meant no harm! I know women can be very sensitive about these things. I do think there is a difference between being friendly and flirting, and it sounds like you were just being friendly! In my mind, I have no problem with a man noticing other women’s positive qualities as long as he is not trying to start a relationship with her while being in a relationship with me!

        About the difference of dress you’ve observed, I agree! I’ve noticed that also, and it is a bit of a shock as you have said to my American mind. I’m quite sure that if I wore most of the outfits the girls on this site wear, I would not be perceived as a good girl here in the states.
        Generally, the more skin on display, the more you are considered a “bad girl” in the U.S. and frankly, that is usually correct! But from everything I’ve heard about Russian/FSU women, what one wears does not indicate her personal character.

        Anyway, as a Christian woman, I personally believe in a more modest form of dress when out in public–elegant and feminine, but definitely modest. I will leave the sexier dress for home with my husband!

        –Love–
        Anna M.

      • Lisa on 06/14/2012 at 12:30 pm

        sam, this girl – she s just a very stupid person.

        now about these half nude pictures of russian women in vkontakte …. the women who post them are usually prostitues or its just a banner for porno websites or dating groups or they sell something on their profiles

        however, often even absolutely normal, decent girls post pictures of themselves in very sexy poses and short skirts

        this is unfortunately typical for russian women. you want to know why? because the society expects them to do it.

        to present themselves in the most sexy way whenever they go. if you point a camera on a wetsern girl, she ll just smile or wave. if you point a camera on a russina girl, she ll automatically take a pose as if its a modelling contest. and while some (and very few) worthy russian men, especially older men consider this practice absolutely ridiculous, and prefer more modest girls, the majority of the russian men – especially the younger generation – just love it. they love to see a woman dressed her best, allways with perfect make up, so naturally they expext the same sexyness to radiate from her pictures. Im not blaming them. all men love sexy women

        many girls have to present themselves this way in order to be noticed. thats why they often post pics of them in bathing suits, in different poses, etc.

        I myself never would do such a thing. but maybe thats why i never had luck with russian men.

        western women in comparison, do not have this urgent need to be sexy and attract guys. maybe because they have more choices in men, maybe because they are not constantly forscd by the society – catch a man before you turn 25 or it will be too late. most of their pics on facebook are less provocative, however that changes too.

        what i want to say, is that you should not automatically think that all russian girls who post sexy pictures in vkontakte are slutty. these girls just lack mens attenmtion thats all.

        my best friend actually used vkontakte to find a husband. a 22 y.o. girl from volgograd, she quickly realised that in her hometown decent men were scarce. so she decided to expand her horizons. she posted very provocative pictures of her in bathing suite in vkontakte, and men started writing to her.

        now keep in mind that she s been a virgin till 21 till she met her future husband. they started chatting on vkontakte and met a couple of moths later, he proposed to her. she is not a slut, a normal woman, doesnt smoke, works as an accountant and does everything in order to make her marriage work. she lives with her husband in krasnoyarsk and has been married for 3 years allready, has supported her hubby all along even when he had a very nasty car accident 2 years ago

        and yet she, being as modest and decent as she is, posted such pictures and keeps posting them now

        she even writes very provocative comments together with her hubby

        u might ask why it is so. i can only think of one answer – common decline in ethics of the modern young people and also this is the downside of the internet. people have lost their privacy and their lives are much more exposed to the others due to such websites as facebook, my space etc

        by the way many of the german students i know, and also americans have this practice of posting very frank pictures of themselves too. unfortunately it is no longer a suprise for me to visit a facebook page of a irish friend of mine and see very candid comments on his message wall, where he is openly discussing sex with his girlfriend

        honestly i blame internet on this. remeber how great it was when we only shared private fotographs by visiting friends houses and looking at albums?

        • Lisa on 06/14/2012 at 12:41 pm

          sorry i made a typing mistake – she s 25 now (was 22 when she got married)
          I remeber telling her back then – why do u post such frank pictures? are u not afraid? and what if your employer sees those pictures? btw many men are probably using your pictures (not nude just very sexy) the same way they use playboy magazines

          and what she said to me was: well at least i have a fiancee now. it helped me to get a man.

          since i had been single myself back then i could say nothing. but im still sure that while it is cute for a girl to behave naturally in front of the camera and look attractive, she should not post provocative pics on the social websites where they would be available for everybody

          certain things should only be shared with your husband, not with the rest of the world

          • Anna M. on 06/14/2012 at 1:18 pm

            Hello, Lisa! :) It is nice to meet you! Yes, I can be very stupid sometimes, you are right! In no way was my comment intended to insult and I apologize if that was the case.

            But I think I did not make myself clear. What I meant was in the U.S. it is different. Women cannot wear more skimpy dress without being judged as bad girls (and sometimes they might be) whereas in Russian, it seems that a very good girl can wear more skimpy dress and she is still considered a good girl (and probably is). It is just a cultural difference.

            Also, when I note my choice of dress, I pointed out that I am a conservative Christian and as such it dictates my fashion choice over culture and as such I have to dress modestly (which I’m sure my conservative Christian husband will appreciate). I certainly do not judge other women for what they wear and I realize that people have different standards of dress. I do not believe in referring to women as sluts and I appreciate all forms of beauty. I have been a part of this site for almost five years now because I admire the beauty and femininity of Russian women and they inspire me to be the best woman I can be!

            –Love–
            Anna M.

          • Richard on 06/14/2012 at 1:26 pm

            Lisa,

            I sure agree with you on all of this posting nonsense. And I also blame the internet for it’s unchecked disregard for privacy. Unfortunately it is the overall moral decline which makes so many people misuse the medium in this way.

            Some friends and I had a very long discussion recently about how many young women are unaware of the long term affect of being naked, or nearly naked, for the whole world to see. There are literally millions of very attractive young women posting fully nude images of themselves on the internet. I can’t imagine a man of quality searching for a future bride by these means. Why would a guy want everyone on Earth to have seen his future wife naked? It makes no sense to me.

            You are also right that men generally like seeing sexy, young women. But there are still a large number of men that would not consider dating or marrying a woman who has shown all to the world.

            As a professional photographer of many years, I can tell you that it has definitely not always been this way. One of the biggest challenges to my trade in the past was the number of young models who were worried that their face would be “pasted” onto the naked body pictures of other women. They did not want people to think that they were “that kind” of model. (by the way, in all of my years on the job, I never heard of even one photographer who actually did that)

            What really surprises me is that most of these women posting erotic images are already stunningly beautiful and have no need to go to that length to be noticed.

            I’m sure that you are also right about it being a cultural thing in Russia and the FSU. All that we hear on this site and from other sources would support that belief.

            As far as the difference between those women and western women who don’t show nearly as much of their sexuality is more likely the overall bad attitude which so many NA women have with regards to the entire dating scenario.

            If you look at regular dating site pictures of women over there it is immediately understood that only professional quality images are accepted. The images are very well done and are not usually too sexy but are easily in the category I refer to as “glamor shots”. However, the women’s pictures on single sites here are almost always pure crap. The are usually poorly taken, outdated, snap shots which barely identify the person. Often in the pictures which are better technically, the woman is frowning, sneering, sticking out her tongue or making an obscene hand gesture. (how attractive) It is really sickening to even look through most of those profiles because the first impression is a key to the kind of woman they are: disgusting.

            The self centered and arrogant NA single women post horrible pictures and then proceed to tell how much they want without ever mentioning what they have to offer. That’s why I am confident when I say it is all about their bad attitude, most of all.

            May I echo your closing remark; “certain things should only be shared with your husband, not with the rest of the world”.

        • steve on 06/22/2014 at 11:02 pm

          lisa, how often do you stand up to help men in the usa get free from the 95% job death rate that happens to them “because society expects it from them” ?

    • Richard on 06/13/2012 at 10:56 am

      Anna,

      I also keep a sharp eye out for the sort of books you collect regarding proper Christian morals and standards for young women. I’ve found 2 or 3 from the 40s and 50s that are specifically about dating appearance and propriety. Most of today’s women are appalled by the suggestions in the books I’ve found, including some very committed Christian women. It’s amazing how often the reaction begins with a laugh, followed by a statement of how outdated it all is, but then is generally closed with a limited show of respect for the concepts. Deep down inside, I think we all know what is morally correct even if we usually ignore those convictions in exchange for some more immediate gratification.

      I also agree that the ‘flirting’ and ‘pick a fight’ ideas are a bit off since those two things lead to more relationship breakups than they will ever protect. And if someone doesn’t drink, I’m sure the dating tips are not to say you should. The point seems clear to me that it is the number of drinks (one) that a woman has with her man, to show a willingness to engage in the activity with him but also to show restraint and not inflame any situation by becoming drunk.

      As far as that ‘pick a fight’ idea goes, two weeks ago I spent much of my Saturday with a completely charming, old world, Irish couple in their 80s who’ve been married for 64 years. One of several things that they agreed has helped them sustain a marriage for so long is an occasional “cleaning of the shelves” as the husband called it. The man is barely over 5 feet tall (and the wife a bit smaller) and he smiles so much I don’t imagine he has any other expression. Try to add a strong Irish accent as he tells me, “Ya’ know, if a couple don’t have a darn good shelf cleaning every few months, they can’t stay together”. “She tells me to do something now and I wish to do it a wee bit later, then before ya’ know it the dust is flyin’ and the neighbors are complaining”. “But the next thing ya’ know she’s all over me try ta’ kiss on me and such, then everything is fine”. And then to cap the story with a taste of his sense of humor, he adds, “And it’s no wonder she loves me so, since I’m as ruggedly handsome as I am, and charming as the day is long”.

      In the modern dating arena, I don’t think that picking any sort of fight is appropriate or healthy. Flirting with a guy’s friends is just plain rude and completely uncalled for. Having a drink while out on a date is just a personal choice but getting loaded on a date is in bad taste for anyone.

      • Anna M. on 06/13/2012 at 12:19 pm

        Yes, Richard. Good point! I’m sure many people would be appalled to see that I have a book called, “Always Ask a Man”. Ha! But in my mind, if you really love and care for someone, why wouldn’t you try to find out his likes and dislikes and do everything in your power to do them for him and to make his life easier and better in every way?! Afterall, that is what love is about: sacrifice, care, and respect. And the rewards are completely worth it!

        What a great story about that Irish couple! They sound adorable. Yes, I think there is a kind of fighting that is completely normal and healthy, such as a kind of “teasing fight” where it is more light and silly and also a serious discussion of things is often necessary, but there is no reason to name-call or to raise ones voice.

        –Love–
        Anna M.

    • Renee on 09/27/2012 at 5:43 pm

      Dear Anna, please share this wardrobe advice! I am a fan of classic Hollywood and fashionwise, I don’t think women really need go further than 1964!

  4. Lisa on 06/14/2012 at 1:31 pm

    guys i did not mean to call anna stupid!
    i mean the girl that sam was talking about
    who deleted him from her friends list because he added another girl)

    • Anna M. on 06/14/2012 at 1:38 pm

      Well, Lisa, see! There I go being stupid again! Thank you for clarifying and have a nice day!

      –Anna M.–

  5. Lisa on 06/14/2012 at 1:36 pm

    anna, i do agree with your post for the most part.
    just trying to explain to sam that he should not judge russian women by the pictures they pose

    but also western men who are thinking of dating russian women – if your woman posts such naked pics, think twice about getting serious woth her
    maybe she s just spoiled by the modern notion of presenting herself like this
    or maybe there are other worse reasons

    i would recommend to choose a modest girl, no matter what country you live in

  6. Lisa on 06/14/2012 at 1:37 pm

    _____

    anna, i do agree with your post for the most part.
    just trying to explain to sam that he should not allways judge russian women by the pictures they pose

  7. Sam R. Ogilvie on 06/16/2012 at 6:27 am

    Thanks, Lisa, and Anna, for your input. Actually, I think my lack of understanding of cultural differences and my failure to communicate adequately explain the unfortunate misunderstanding with the two girls at Vkontakte. A never-ending source of frustration and embarrassment for me in daily life revolves around the belief that a man’s interest in any female’s life is motivated by romantic intent. Innocent questions about a person’s family, hobbies, vocation, etc. are constantly misinterpreted. Though amusing or funny now, my genuine interest in people has gotten me into some seriously bad situations on several occasions. It would be rude, arrogant and awkward to do so, but at times I feel like prefacing any question posed to anyone with this disclaimer: “I have no romantic interest in you at all. Haha!”.

    Misunderstandings are more numerous in online conversations with females in Eastern Europe and Western Asia because, in my personal experience, I have found that many, many girls would not exclude a potential suitor over significant age differences. I had read about that cultural anomaly many times, but assumed it was just part of a well-crafted sales and marketing plan. Believe me, it is not. The girl from Velicky Novgorod that I mistakenly misled is just one of at least twelve very attractive, very well-educated 20-somethings that made that very clear to me and in very strong terms.

    To close, for a person striving to acknowledge and confirm the talent and exceptionalism of folks around the globe and to treat them all with the dignity and respect they deserve, misunderstandings are particularly disturbing. I have lost sleep over the hurt caused by innocent remarks that were misinterpreted, but the rewards of communicating and forming friendships with Eastern Europeans of all ages have exceeded my expectations beyond imagination.

    • Richard on 06/16/2012 at 12:10 pm

      Sam,

      In the way of misunderstandings, it is also sometimes the foolish arrogance of some of us in determining for ourselves what might be funny in our culture but not so in another.

      I don’t recall if I’ve shared this story here before, but it fits the situation.

      On my trip to Hong Kong with a radio station many years ago, our tour guide asked if there were any phrases we’d like to learn in Chinese. Being a single guy and a comic, I asked, “Could you tell me how to say, Would you like to get married and move to Seattle?” After we all had a quick laugh, the guide helped me to learn the phrase and I wrote it out phonetically for quick reference.

      When you ride the Kowloon Ferries across Hong Kong’s harbor bay, college girls offer to translate your name and astrological sign to earn some extra money for school. While I was having this done, and getting along very well with the girl, our tour guide (also a young woman) suggested that I try my newly learned phrase. Pulling my cheat card from my pocket, I asked the girl if she wanted to get married and move to Seattle. She was stunned, burst into tears and had to be comforted by our tour guide for several minutes.

      I didn’t realize that during the time when I traveled to Hong Kong, it was the dream of many young women to meet and marry western men in order to have a better opportunity in life. The young girl doing translations on the ferry was no exception. But the week before our chance meeting, this girl’s boyfriend, who she dearly loved, had asked her to be his wife, despite knowing that they were both working class kids with many hurdles facing them. Her immediate response to my completely inappropriate and insensitive teasing, was to try making a snap decision on who she should marry. My crass arrogance and selfish “humor” shocked and hurt a very beautiful and innocent girl.

      After all was sorted out and many apologies had been made by me, I asked if I might do something to try making up for my terrible error in judgement. No offer was accepted and it was all done.

      The very next morning at my hotel, I received a small package and a note. The package contained a beautifully hand painted silk and rice paper scroll with my name and birth sign in Chinese and the note was a request to meet for lunch with the girl from the ferry and her boyfriend. I was emotionally shaken and quickly called to accept, planning to treat them to the best mid day meal in history. We met in the hotel lobby and I was taken to a wonderful dim sung luncheonette where we all became very close friends. They were charming and understanding and they wouldn’t allow me even to cover the gratuity. (Danny said, “When we visit your city, you can buy the lunch”) They tried to apologized to me for the whole misunderstanding, proving once again to me that where dignity is concerned, the NA culture is rarely on par with most others.

      These two in their early 20s had so much class and the whole incident taught me a strong lesson in being aware of the culture you are in, not just the location.

      • Kitty on 12/30/2012 at 11:35 am

        What a touching story! I am so sorry that the young lady was so upset, but honestly….it’s better than if she were single and accepted your offer, no?

        They handled it with such class and dignity; I am so very impressed. And I am proud of you for acting with class in return.

        Your last words are very wise, and should be echoed: Be aware of the culture you are in, not just the location.

  8. Sam R. Ogilvie on 06/16/2012 at 7:27 am

    Excuse me, but I can’t post a comment without a story. This story is about how even the most well-intentioned people can suffer at the hands of miscommunication.

    Yesterday, a highly-successful man in my industry shared an event from his youth. Ken was an orphan, who, thanks to his talent and hard work and the benefits of living in a land of opportunity, is now a multi-millionaire. In his teens, he attended high school, drove a school bus and worked as a manager of a large and very busy convenience store each evening. While working as a manager of that retail store, he was blessed to hire a peach of a young man who quickly became his most valuable employee. The boy was a devout Christian whom he could trust with the cash register and deposits and who never failed to provide the finest of service to customers. One evening over the din of music and the voices of a store slammed full of people, a lady asked Ken and his valued employee behind the counter if they had any Tampax. The boy thought she said thumbtacks and responded, “Ma’am, would you like the kind you push in with your fingers or the kind that you drive in with a hammer?” Well, we’re talking about a small town in the American South in the late 60s, so, as you can imagine, the lady stormed out in a huff. A few minutes later, a call came in from the regional manager and after lambasting the boy for five minutes, he declared he was going to fire him. Ken was able to quickly rectify the situation, but, at age 58, he has never ceased to chuckle when recalling that busy night.

    • Anna M. on 06/16/2012 at 10:28 am

      Sam,
      Very good comments on miscommunication, and that has to be one of the funniest stories of communication gone wrong that I have heard! The poor guy! He must have felt so embarrassed!

      Yes, I do think it is very easy for miscommunication to happen in general (especially in written forums!) and when different cultures and languages are involved it can become catastrophically worse! I can think of a few of my own stories.

      One of my most cringe-worthy examples of miscommunication happened when I was working as a Spanish language customer service representative for a Christian company. Most of my studies were done in Spain and as such I am much more familiar with Castilian Spanish. There is one particular word often used in Spain that is completely benign and means “to get, to fetch” which in Mexican Spanish means quite something else. I knew this, but somehow I forgot in the moment and managed to say to a customer, “One moment, I am going to go *four-letter-word* your paperwork.” Oops.

      –Love–
      Anna M.

  9. Andy G on 06/26/2012 at 12:11 am

    For me personally, I would prefer my lady to be herself, share her opinions, dress as she feels comfortable, look how she wants to, share in all decisions, men should share in all duties around the home not leave it all to the ladies expecting them to be the home keeper, then they say stop whining, well I’m a male, but I want to know why my partner is whining, surely if both parties compromise, there won’t be any whining? Perhaps that’s why I’m still single……Then there’s the comment, show him respect, when I was bought up, I was told that respect has to be earned, if a man doesn’t show his lady respect why is she going to respect him? These comments are all working one way, relationships, so I’m told are give & take, compromise, according to the above statements, it’s for the woman to give her all to the man.

    This must be why I’m still single at 45, not because I’m a baby boomer as I initially thought ;-p

    • steve on 06/22/2014 at 11:12 pm

      andy, simple answer. she should show him respect because he is her HUSBAND ! It seems like everyone wants to make excuses for women’s bad behavior.

  10. greg on 06/26/2012 at 4:37 pm

    Andy, in my experience you don’t share the jobs but rather the workload.

    I do all the lifting, heavy cleaning, power tools, smelly jobs. My wife folds the washing, bathes the children, organises the kitchen.

    Most important of all she always has a to do list and I get 1 to 3 of those little tasks done every day. For her this means more than flowers on March 8th (though I still buy them).

    • Andy G on 06/26/2012 at 6:17 pm

      I tend to agree with you, but a man should also contribute to cooking, cleaning, putting out the waste, bathing the kids, not leaving all of that to the good lady, the same when it comes to decisions that need to be made, however minor or trivial they may seem, as a couple, any decision affects both parties, so both parties should make a joint decision.

      I know I’m single, but I wouldn’t expect my partner to do the painting, tile the bathroom or anything of that nature either, I fully agree with you there, again, there are jobs not that are best left to us, but better suited for us to do.

      • Richard on 06/26/2012 at 7:49 pm

        Just curious Andy, if every decision should be jointly made, “however minor”, what do you suggest if both are standing their ground? Do nothing at all?

        Some people say this is silly, but I’ve sat in on numerous divorce hearings and such an attitude will destroy a marriage.

        Of course the simple reality is that people should know and trust each other fully (which they almost never do these days) before ever becoming husband and wife.

        When I was pulling down a serious income and my wife was not working outside of the home, I asked her input on all major concerns which effected all of us. However, I didn’t stop my every thought and action to find out if she approved of whatever I was working on at the moment, especially in areas such as investments, work situations, vehicle purchases, etc.

        By knowing your spouse and them knowing you, it is reasonably simple to talk about things in general but not rely on debate over each detail. That sort of “sharing” is laborious and inefficient, and rarely simplifies the inherent challenges of a marriage.

        • Richard on 06/26/2012 at 7:58 pm

          By the way, when we purchased the house in BC, I told my wife the few basic parameters that fit my needs and then left her to find what she wanted. She did most of the searching and meeting with realtors (which only took a couple of weeks) and then picked the house. I stepped in and worked the offer and handled the decision to cash out rather than take a mortgage. It was the smoothest home purchase I’ve ever been around for the simple reason that we each used our strengths and stayed out of each others way when needed. I trusted her and she trusted me.

          • Andy G on 06/27/2012 at 12:18 am

            That’s exactly what I am on about when I mentioned joint decisions, I respect that to some it may be trivial, but you both knew what you wanted, your wife looked, she saw, you both went for it, it meant that your wife wasn’t left out, you both ended up with what you needed. Other things such as a job that requires you to move, changing mortgage companies, bank account, job, children’s school, or even where you choose to go out, what colour to paint the bedroom, in my past experience, I have seen relationships, including my own parents which fell apart because they lived totally seperate lives, one did something, the other moaned deciding they didn’t like it. Communication, along with trust go to form a big part of a relationship.

  11. A. on 06/30/2012 at 5:54 pm

    Good article, I say! I saw it on the original site but it still merits reading again.

    (I have no idea how I’d go about #1 or #12. I bow to those who succeed at all of them.)

  12. Hero on 07/16/2012 at 4:29 pm

    I agree with everything except the vodka drinking and flirting with her husband’s friends.

  13. Christopher on 09/30/2012 at 12:49 pm

    “You can BE the person in control without acting tough and cold. Be soft and sexy AND in control.”

    Am I the only one who starts to see red when I hear or read comments like this? I’ve seen this said by women in other cultures as well, and it always seems rather manipulative to me. More pleasant than the constant nagging, to be sure, but coming from the same goal – to dominate the relationship. Maybe I’m missing something, but how a woman could respect me and at the same time seek to be in control of my life seems paradoxical.

    • Adrexus on 10/03/2012 at 11:03 pm

      I’m thinking this might be a more tongue in cheek remark. I don’t think it has to do with manipulation so much as it has to do with maintaining stability within a relationship. Someone who gets flustered very easily and wants things to be done their way or the highway has a tougher time commanding respect and generally makes the other person reluctant to cooperate. Power is not limited to aggression. Being able to affect the emotional life of a relationship is a very real power. I would say that women who have a need for dominating are really not in control. As a man, I have much more respect for a woman who is reserved in her demeanor and not quick to speak brashly. Every so often I see a loudmouthed girl spewing profanity, blustering and whatnot. I cannot think of anything more unattractive. I do wonder if women understand the power they have just in terms of shaping the emotional atmosphere?

      Also, it seems kind of funny how some women want to do a man’s work. Wouldn’t you all agree that the world of men is an ugly place? Is it really liberating having to do the awful, grinding work that men have to put up with every day? A woman can have far more influence on society just by the way she raises her children. In this age it is true that men have a lot more time to spend and bond with their kids. But it is still the mother that has more influence on the children. Being able to shape the values of your children who will one day go on to be members of society wields much more influence and power than simply grinding away at work. However, I understand it is very hard to have solely a bread winning father. With cost of living, a bad economy and whatnot, I don’t think we’ll see that type of household again soon.

      I think we are in desperate need of feminine energy in western society.

      • rw_man on 10/03/2012 at 11:41 pm

        You nailed it.. and the funny thing is that modern women don’t recognize that they are allowing themselves to be screwed over the most when they decide to ditch their traditional femininity.. We men have a responsibility to let women know this. All women..

  14. Lee on 10/05/2012 at 7:19 am

    The interesting irony of feminism is that is mostly middle class, female academics telling women not to be ordered about whilst at the same time telling them what to do.

    • Renee on 10/07/2012 at 8:37 am

      And don’t forget the high-powered, high-profile women in the media. Of course, they are the products of these elite academics, as far as philosophy goes, and they get the marching orders out to a wider public.

  15. Kitty on 12/30/2012 at 11:44 am

    I agree with all of them except the vodka drinking (I don’t drink) and flirting with friends and picking fights.

    Also, about the way women dress….America was settled by Puritans, wasn’t it? (I’m not being sarcastic, I’m actually asking.) So maybe, the ideals of the Puritans with regard to women’s dress has filtered down, which is why we are so shocked to see nudity. Some cultures don’t see the human body as something to be ashamed of, and actually think of nudity and sexuality as separate.

    HOwever, I understand that in North America how you dress makes a very bold statement

    I personally dress up, but my husband prefers me to keep the sexy stuff for at home or maybe parties (depending on the party). So I dress fairly modestly.

  16. Nuts About My Wife on 10/02/2013 at 5:09 am

    I met my lovely Russian wife 13 years ago and have never looked back since. Russian women (most of them) know how to look after their men and go out of their way to show it. My wife is everything I ever desired and then some more. We have a beautiful 7year old daughter who has all her mothers loving qualities. I feel sorry for all those unmarried and ‘still looking’ Russian girls looking for love and a happy life. The town where my wife’s parents live is full of unmarried single and divorced girls (5/1 ratio women to men) desperate to settle down and have a family. Guys, leave your towns now head off to Russia, find your self a dream and marry her and you’ll never be disappointed.

    • rw_man on 10/02/2013 at 10:36 am

      Great how that feels isn’t it? Congratulations brother on making the right choice.

  17. James Porter on 01/20/2014 at 4:35 pm

    Thank you for all the points about how Russian women relate to their men. Most American women do not understand these points at all, and do not live by them. Everything a man could possibly dream of in a relationship is spelt out here. Thank you for posting these points. Now if we could only get women around the world to see it that way! Maybe all the men who see these points should have good reason to learn the Russian language, and head off to Russia to find their life’s dream lady!

  18. A Pele on 01/29/2014 at 1:00 pm

    Can you tell me where I can get this book in any language available? I mean the actual book. Let me guess…big secret. My friend met and married a “lovely” Russian girl who is now putting him through the coals. I would like to know the real scoup here. How is she manipulating him ang going aroind behind his back. There is more going on here than you seem to think. In defense of my sisters, we’re not all feminists. I would do anything to make my husband happy and unlike her I don’t fool around with other men. I’m afraid she is minipulating him in ways we couldn’t imagine. A modern day female Rasputan perhaps?

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