I have a very positive view about Men building relationships with Russian Women who have children.
I’ve known quite a few fantastic and beautiful Russian Ladies with children who were excellent candidates for starting a serious relationship with.
Throughout my numerous travels I have to say that I’ve never seen more loving, calm, patient and devoted mothers in my life. I know this is a pretty big statement to make but I think there are more then a few of you readers out there who can concur with what I’ve personally witnessed here on a regular basis.
Now because of this I can honestly tell you that seeing a woman who takes care of her children to this degree is nothing short of a warm and fuzzy emotional turn on for me.
These Russian and FSU Ladies simply excel at being who they were always supposed to be as women. And as a Man you just can’t help but marvel at the level of motherly love they project and be in awe over it.
So if you as a Man are looking at this option for a future relationship then I highly encourage it.
Now saying that I also must warn you of one significant pitfall that I’ve seen happen numerous times here.
If the father of the child is still alive then very often I’ve seen cases where he will easily get court papers to prevent the child from leaving the country. The following article is an example of what could go wrong.
‘Our family is broken apart’: Stepdad’s plea as court bans British girl from leaving Russia for 7 YEARS
By DAILY MAIL REPORTER
A British girl of 11 has been told she may not be able to leave Russia for seven years after she went to visit relatives there.
Victoria Osborne, step-daughter of a British university lecturer, was stopped by border guards as she was about to board a flight home.
The youngster, who was due to start a new school back home in Hampshire, was returning from a family visit with her mother, Tatiana.
They were told that the girl’s biological father, Colonel Yuri Gladkikh, from whom Tatiana has been separated for eight years, had imposed the order.
Although they are British citizens the pair traveled on Russian passports, making them subject to the country’s law – under which divorced parents are allowed to block the movements of their children out of the country until they are 18.
Mrs Osborne, 34, was told she was free to leave but she refused to go without her daughter, who is known as Vicka.
Victoria’s stepfather, Dr Patrick Osborne, is now fighting to bring his family back to their home in Winchester.
‘ This order came totally out of the blue,’ he said. ‘Mr Gladkikh has never tried to play any part in Vicka’s life in the last eight years except for one phone call a year. Sometimes he doesn’t even call her on her birthday.’
Dr Osborne, 52, who married Tatiana six years ago after meeting her while working in Russia, added: ‘We know it is not going to be easy, but we are determined to get our family back together.
‘Both Tatiana and Vicka are desperate to come back to this country. When we go over there to see Tatiana’s family Mr Gladkikh knows exactly where we are because his mother lives in the same village – but he never tries to see Vicka.
‘The first I heard about this was when Tatiana left a message on my answerphone.
‘She is getting increasingly distressed and it’s going to get harder and harder the longer it goes on for her.’
Mrs Osborne has been locked in negotiations with lawyers 1,500 miles away in Saratov, a city in southern Russia, where she and her daughter have been since Victoria was stopped last Thursday.
Mrs Osborne said from Saratov: ‘ We are devastated. Had we known about this restriction we would never have gone to Russia this summer.
‘Our family is broken apart and Vicka is not at school. She was so much looking forward to it.
‘I will never leave her on her own. She needs to be with her mum and feel she’s loved and wanted. This is a betrayal by her biological father.’
The family could face a lengthy court battle if the order is not withdrawn by Colonel Gladkikh.
They have sought help from the British Embassy in Russia but have been told there is little they can do because they were travelling on Russian passports.
Dr Osborne, who lectures in civil engineering at the University of Southampton, said he was trying to get her new school, the Westgate School, in Winchester, to send work for her by email.
‘It is unbelievable that any parent, however far-removed from daily upbringing, would deny his child the right to a good education, access to her home and friends,’ he said.
Dr Osborne said the family were in talks with Colonel Gladkikh over the ownership of a flat in Saratov.
(click here for original article)
Keep in mind that this sad story is NOT an isolated incident and I would consider the Colonel’s tragic attitude to be the unfortunate norm amongst divorced Russian Men with children.
Events like this goes way beyond sour grapes and into the outright vindictive sabotage of a family’s future safety and happiness. Unfortunately as Russia faces a disastrous demographic crisis there is tremendous political and nationalistic pressure to prevent children from leaving the country to have a better life elsewhere.
(This is even the case for orphans too.)
The State Controlled Russian media has been blatantly gearing up the news to only portray Russian spousal and child abuse stories in the US and the West. This action alone should tell all of you a great deal.
This does not bode well for the long term and as I’ve mentioned in an earlier post if you are going to find yourself a real woman to have a serious relationship with then for heaven’s sake don’t wait. For at least in Russia, time may not be on your side as I’m sure the government and media will continue to further ratchet up their campaign to discourage women from emigrating to the West.
If you are considering a relationship with a Russian Woman with a child then you must find out what the status is on this child’s father and if he’s initiated any court hearing to prevent the child’s exit from Russia.
I’ve heard of Western Men going as far as to bribe these fathers into releasing their children from their legal grasp. Obviously any step like this is filled with significant pitfalls and I hope that no-one out there finds themselves having to contemplate this option.
Let’s just hope that Dr. Osborne and his beautiful family can be quickly re-united back in the UK.
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With the maniacs in Washington working to provoke a war with Russia with putting missiles and bases in her borders, I agree time may be very short indeed. I can’t say I blame the Russians for doing what they’re doing. They are well aware of how dire the condition of their society is in. Given the disastrous course the U.S. is taking, it may be better for an American man emigrate and raise a family there than bring them here.
Taras
This note is not an angry return volley over the slight reference to a sad political event, but merely a heartfelt sentiment.
I really hope that this site will continue to focus on the personal side of our objective which I see as the sharing of thoughts and information pertaining to the personal connections between NA men and FSU women. To that end my wish is that this remains less of a political forum as many of us might easily slip off into verbal warfare regarding deep, hard held beliefs about international disputes and “how best” to resolve them.
The recent affairs between Russia and Georgia will undoubtedly have an effect on many of us either directly or indirectly, but they are not the primary focus of our time here. The social, economic, political and emotional factors of life in that region are impossible for most of us to imagine. Those of us who live, or have lived there know all too well how these things alter lives on a daily basis but everyone else only has the western media and the countless opinions of politically inept, apathetic friends and relatives as a source to draw on.
Every time a country states a new position or returns to an old one that has been long forgotten by the masses, we respond with a tiny bit of valid information and a truck load of emotion. That, my friends is the recipe for our current messed up situation. Thomas Jefferson said that any country needs a good revolution about every twenty years. For some governments twenty years has been considered a very long time. We North Americans and members of the region of the FSU have had governments in place for centuries. The constant rehashing and trying to meld and reform the basic ideologies of those nations has led to chaotic results. Dilution of the ideas that those governments were founded upon over the course of several generations have brought us to the near collapse or even the literal collapse of these governments. History has shown that order falls to chaos but from chaos comes order. Only our diligent support of those few who stand for the basic principles we hold true will bring back an order to life that we can continue to follow proudly.
It should be noted that the process of immigration is considerably different from one country to another. Being raised in America I have seen such an influx of immigrants as to have nearly lost any perception of what an “American” is. Without diverting to the socio-political ramifications of this I can truly say that even US/Canada and Canada/US immigration is challenging at the best of times. Bringing a spouse to NA from anywhere outside of NA is difficult when you have plenty of help from a church, business or some other organization, and near to impossible without such help. Not to mention extremely expensive. As far as an individual just packing up and moving to someplace like the FSU without similar assistance will probably be amazingly difficult as well.
Most countries have the strange feeling that you need somewhat of a “reason” to move there. As a rule, “looking for chicks” wouldn’t be on ‘the list’ of government approved reasons for immigrating. Also, most countries accepting immigration for career reasons will require that an existing company intending to employ you shows documentation that they have exhausted all local possibilities before even accepting your application for employment. If you are an independent contractor of any sort, your work visa will place many of the same stipulations on any companies you bill out your hours to. A high school friend of mine who travels to the FSU frequently for sales support needs a particular waiver to his visa or he can not conduct any business what-so-ever while he is there. What’s more, if you travel for no other reason than general tourism and decide to actively seek any other opportunities you could be deported and have the possibility of any future travel to that country permanently revoked.
Also consider the possibility that you have done all of your research and preliminary legwork, are beginning your paper work and then some law or statute is changed in the country you are immigrating to. Are you automatically ‘grandfathered’ in because your paperwork was already started? Probably not. Other than the US and Canada very few countries on the planet are as liberal (stupid) in such matters. Even the British held independent territory of The Cayman Islands has a blanket policy regarding changes that take place during the process which states that ‘any and all requests, applications and documentation must be resubmitted, post haste’ in such cases.
I have had international relationships before and they are not easy. I already know that it is a totally unique situation. For everyone else, the more you see, hear and read on this site and from other sources, the clearer it will become that this is no ‘walk in the park’. Finding some legitimate way to meet and proceed with any relationship from afar, then making arrangements to meet face to face will not happen in a few months. It is a process that will more likely take years. That is not really a bad thing to my way of thinking but for the younger NA men who are considering this route, be forewarned that you embark on a very different form of courting than anything you have seen here at home. This is not the modern ‘television show’ or ‘microwave’ version of romance. It won’t be done in 30 minutes or during commercials. It seems to be a serious commitment which, sadly, many will not endure even though the prize at the end could very well be a lifetime of happiness.
For the people here who are following world economics and socio-political happenings closely, you might want to click on the link above titled, The Market Will Punish Putinism. I think this is a poignant piece that has hit the nail on the head in many ways. As we watch economic trends in the FSU and wonder how it will affect the people there who we care about, it might be helpful to hear a variety of perspectives. Judy Shelton has gone beyond the typical journalistic mud slinging and has instead offered some relevant history and even a logical possible direction by which the rest of the world could help all concerned. The article may not have a great deal to do with the reason we are here but it does offer up some food for thought regarding the financial plight of our friends and colleagues in that region.
Richard,
Thanks for re-focusing this discussion on why we are all here.
GL
At this time I had hoped we would be talking about how the U.S. and Russia could collaborate more effectively on research and development, and cultural exchange. Sadly, and perhaps for good reason, the world is calculating how it can best make a stand against Soviet aggression and its totalitarian tendencies. Politics aside, the U.S. is not blameless. I hope all is not lost, because, heaven knows, the world needs the good things Russia can bring to the table.
Thanks to GL’s efforts, many of us have emotional ties to Russia. In recounting his personal experiences and posting articles of interest he’s enabled us to learn about some fine people, and a rich culture. Such efforts can only help.
The plane ride from Moscow to LAX is 12 hours long, 12 long, boring, hours. I happened to sit on the window and there were probably 8-10 kids from babies to about 4 around that area. I did not hear more than an occasional baby fussing for a moment from any of the Russian children. They were all completely behaved the entire 12 hour trip. If they got restless they were attended to and with the exception of occasionally seeing the kids go up and down the aisles, with a polite Is-vi-neet-ya if someone was blocking them, I would have never known they were there. The children from other countries however…
It’s funny but many people in the states literally don’t believe me when I tell them about how well behaved Russian children are in the presence of their mothers.
Nice to have another eyewitness and personal testimony to this.
GL
Australia is a paradox. On the one hand it has plenty of everything – lots of space, pleasant weather, plenty of precious metals still to be dug up, and no ancient enemies. So the people here should be happy, right? No, not right. Australian men are more likely than just about any group of people on earth to want to kill themselves. It’s not because of the kangaroos, it because of the women. Australian women.
What are Australian women doing that drives the men here to such depths of despair? There may be a hundred reasons, but I’ll provide you with maybe the top ten.
Each entry suggests a typical attitude of Australian women, and the subsequent text contrasts this attitude with some better behavior.
Note that older Australian women (50+) have told me that the following comments do not pertain to them – just to their daughters – whom they hardly understand.
Aussie women: “I have certain expectations”
Better: “I am happy to lower my expectations as required”
An excellent runner might be disappointed to only come second in a running race. An average runner might be delighted to come third.
An important part of being a good wife is constantly managing your expectations so that they are below what your husband is likely to deliver. Then you can be happy that your husband is always “Above expectations.”
“Family and friends are everything to me”
Better: “My husband is number one”
It seems to me that, other than to herself, an Australian woman’s loyalty is ordered as follows:
Her children (if she has any)
Her parents
Her friends
Her husband
A good wife would keep her husband to the top of the list, knowing that loyal support of a good man will confirm his loyalty to her (as well as being a reward in itself).
(Of course people down the order shouldn’t always have their wishes overridden by those higher up.)
“The relationship between a husband and wife should be equal”
Better: “The relationship between a husband and wife should be balanced”
Equality means “the same”, and no two people are the same. No-one would think it was right to treat a dog and a donkey equally.
Balance means ensuring that individuals are given privileges in accordance with their responsibilities, abilities and past contributions.
“It’s not polite to make fun”
Better: “Gentle ridicule clears the air”
Once there was an Australian man who brought a Russian woman to Australia to see whether she’d like to be his wife. She had high expectations of Western opulence and was shocked to find that the house in which he lived had bugs crawling around the cupboards. She was also amazed to discover that when she opened a bottle of after-shave from his bathroom that the smell was worse than Russian after-shave.
Afterwards she told him, “You know your after-shave is terrible! It doesn’t attract women, only bugs!”
The Russian expressed her disappointment in a way that made her feel better, and made him smile too. Her statement enhanced their relationship.
An Australian woman in the same situation probably wouldn’t have said anything (maybe just looked disdainful), and the disappointment would have stayed with her only to fester in her mind.
“There are some things no woman should put up with”
Better: “Take the bad with the good”
No woman likes to be smacked, yelled at, cheated on, or neglected. How many women want to be married to a man who doesn’t make much money or drinks too much?
But a marriage of any length is going to involve both parties getting some of what they don’t want, so what to do?
Australian women seem to have found two answers:
Marry a man you find yourself attracted to and hope for the best. If at any stage you get something you don’t like: tell the world, divorce the man and sue him for child support.
Marry a perfect man and remind him every now and then that he will lose his wife, his house and his kids if he ever makes a mistake.
I saw a movie where a boy was growing up in Ireland in the early 1900′s had a father who was always drunk and out of work. But the boy found great value in his father’s unique and charming insights into how the world worked. The boy felt he owed some of his later creative output to his father.
Any person who believes that their spouse is worthless as a parent is kidding themselves.
A good wife will:
Remember the good times in her marriage before complaining about the bad times.
Remember her husband’s strengths not just stare at his weaknesses.
Celebrate his masculinity, not criticize his lack of feminine virtues.
Ask herself, “Is this weakness so important? Can I shrug it off?”
Ask herself whether there is anything nice she can do for her husband that could alter his behavior.
Be more concerned with improving herself than with improving him.
A good wife would only threaten to walk out as a last resort – knowing that a man with a lot to give will stop contributing to something that is likely to disintegrate.
“I like to watch”
Better: “I like to think”
When Australian woman are asked about their interests they often respond with, “I like to go out to the movies or I like to stay home in front of the TV.” Never do they say, “I like to think.”
There are several reasons why “thinkers” make better wives than “watchers”:
TV shows and popular movies are very similar to one another, the jokes and situations don’t change much, only the actors and settings do. Watchers usually end up being as boring as the shows they watch.
TV tries to keep you engaged and to buy merchandise, it doesn’t try to show you how to live a good life. That means that the values TV imparts are useless, or worse.
If you don’t spend time thinking, how will understand what life must be like for other people?
If you don’t spend time thinking, how will you generate the fresh insights that will make you interesting to listen to?
“Compromise”
Better: “Design”
What if you want to go shopping with your husband and he wants to take you to see a game of football?
A compromise would be to do half the shopping and then see half the game of football.
A designed solution would be one that considered the various factors and came up with a solution that provided the best outcome for both parties. Factors might include:
What did they like and not like about shopping and sport?
How much time did they have? What alternative times were possible?
What other activities could substitute?
Who else might be interested in going shopping or to the football?
Key to getting a designed solution is a willingness to allow some time for discussion before a decision is made.
“Husbands shouldn’t tell wives what to do”
Better: “Sometimes we all need guidance”
A group of Australian women were discussing a certain TV show, which happens to be not worth watching. I said to them, “Now ladies, do your husbands really let you watch that show?”
They turned to me in amazement, and one of them said, “Why would we consult our husbands on what we watch — do you think that we’re children who need to be supervised?”
I did not answer that woman, as clearly we were from two different planets.
The proper way to think about it was explained by the famous golfer, Greg Norman, when he was asked why he appreciated his wife. He said, “My wife is the only person on Earth who is on my side, and yet who isn’t me. I can ask myself for advice, but I usually get the answers I expect. When my wife gives me advice, it is something new and challenging, but still aimed at my best interest. Everyone else gives me advice that serves their own interests.”
People should use those close to them as helpers in guiding them through life, which includes listening to your loved ones when they tell you what’s good for you to watch.
I saw an Australian man plead with his wife to arrange things so that he and she and their little girl could all have dinner together as a family in the evenings, rather than separately in front of the TV. Of course she ignored his request.
Australian women listen carefully to TV’s advice on how they should deal with their husbands, and yet ignore their husband’s advice on what should be done with the TV.
“I know what I like”
Better: “I want to learn to appreciate something new”
A small child looks at a piece of broccoli on his plate at the dinner table and shouts, “I don’t like this!” His mother wishes just once he would say, “Last time I had this – I didn’t like it. But today I will try harder!”
Probably the reason there are so few children who act in the second way is that they learn how to behave from their parents.
If you say to an Australian woman, “I can help you learn to appreciate things you never knew existed!”, she will become resentful and tell you that you are being “patronizing”.
A good wife, by contrast, is always looking for new things to admire.
“I don’t want to be a good little wife”
Better: “I want to be a good wife”
The main reason Australian women make bad wives is because they’re not even trying to be good wives. Instead many see marriage as a prison that stops them from having a successful career and an exciting love life.
What they fail to appreciate is that everyone has to work within limitations. As a man I have limitations, but you don’t see me losing sleep over the fact that I will never be able to bear a child, or enliven a room full of men just by moving my bottom.
A much better attitude was shown by Marie Curie, who had as a young woman decided to marry someone smart. Her husband then helped her learn what she needed to in order to become one of the world’s leading scientists.
Shelby,
Your post is delightful and also insightful. I had not heard that Aussie women were in such a state.
It seems a bit funny and a whole lot sad that there are so many women in this world who apparently do NOT want happiness in the traditional sense.
You make some very fine points about how a marriage could be and if I understand any of the complaints that women have, they are wishing for the same things. So why the heck is it so hard for us all to get on the same page with our wants, needs and desires?
Here in NA the women claim to want men who won’t drink and drug too much, run around on them and abuse them. However the increasing numbers of drug addicts and alcoholics, unfaithful partners and physically abusive spouses is the women themselves. Go figure.
So many women in the world have traded their femininity and dignity for corporate trappings and dangerously stressful lifestyles that the actual number of “good” women left could almost be counted on your fingers.
Best of luck to ya’
After reading thw above I would like to point out that it isn’t just about America with Russian women. I’m from the UK and I’m married to a Russian woman and I’m still waiting for the visas to be accepted.
It seems the UK have tightened up their borders after years of letting all and sundry in but I have done the right thing, got married and been to Saint Petersburg a few times this year and we got married for the right reasons. It has cost me thousands £ssssss and if they don’t accept the visa applications then there just isn’t justice.
I would also like to point out that Russian kids seem well behaved from what I’ve seen and they want to learn much more than kids over here. I can see the kids of my wife getting very bored with short schooldays if they are accepted of course.
Hello,
I got married with a Russian lady who has 9 years old daughter from her previous marriage.
In the beginning, everything was all right –like a fairytale. She was nice, romantic, passioned and sincere with me.
Wheneever we started living together, this child became a real problem between us. In general, I am well-educated, calm and nice person. I am so carefull in human relations and I don’t do anything on purpose to hurt anyone.
However, since this child doesn’t want to accept me, we have started argueing about everything. My wife is super-nationalist and she strongly believes that Russia will give her child a better future and education. Because this little lady doesn’t want to live in my homeland, she also effects my wife, we have lots of difficulties.
My wife’s first and only priority is her child. Because of her, she doesn’t want to give me a baby, we couldn’t have private and romantic moments.
Because my wife spends all her energy and time with her, she has nothing left to me. With me, she is always sleepy or nerveous. She always tries to defend this girl against me. For example, telling this girl to wash her hands after dinner/lunch –of course, in kind way– may initiate an argument. Sometimes, they can team up against me.
So, nowadays, I feel that I am lonely between them. My wife doesn’t love me, any more, and she wants to get back to Russia.
Well, I think I will finish up this marriage. My advise to other people regarding Russian ladies with child(ren) is that no need to get married. Go and find a local lady who really can love you.
Your experience with women who already have children is not unique to Russian women, it is no different here with American women. I’ve been in the same situation as you are in now, and to say that my ex-wife’s kids didn’t contribute to my decision to divorce her is stretching the truth. They had a major hand in my leaving my wife. I will never marry a woman who already has children again, no matter where she comes from. I will never tolerate outside interference in my marriage ever again.
Taras
This is another of the critical shortfalls of life in the post-feminist ear. We have allowed our women to be subverted by the propaganda and lies of the women’s movement and then when they find themselves divorced with children, the instinctive actions of protecting the offspring kick in.
While these women have wanted to act like men, compete with men and for all intent and purpose ‘become’ men, they were denying their basic instincts. Once they are ‘free’ from the confines of a marriage which apparently didn’t elevate them to some sort of ‘all about me’ god-like status, they are left with only children to share their innermost thoughts and feelings with. Lacking the normal sounding board for sharing life plans and goals, they become highly over protective and allow their young children to become barometers for subsequent adult relationships.
All of the lines have become blurred and the whole “my children are everything to me” mindset ensues. Now to be honest, I can entirely understand the process. It is a daily fight for me to meet, get to know and consider an ongoing relationship with any woman now because she would have to be totally accepting of my daughter and our existing family unit. However, and this is very important, we are to view our mate ahead of our children in a normal, healthy relationship. Realistically or spiritually speaking, our personal alignment in a family should be spouse first, then children. But with over 60% of NA marriages lasting between 5 and 8 years, we make those babies then dump those spouses and somehow expect that we can just waltz back into a new relationship without baggage or additional problems. It defies common sense.
At this point, my daughter’s needs are paramount in my life. If the situation arises that I might again be looking at a long term relationship, that child (or any children) will have to be the most flexible of the group. Seems terribly unfair to lay that burden at their tiny feet but it is what must happen to some extent or there will never be the hope of the adults staying together for any significant length of time. People are people. It just doesn’t work. The evidence is all around us.
While I can sympathize with all of the other single parents out there, we really only have ourselves to blame (to some degree) for letting modern morals direct our destiny in this way. All the more reason for you younger people out there to see what clearly does NOT work and avoid it at all cost. Feminism removes the ability for couples to feed each other and grow together in a family environment. There must be a man and a woman and they must define and adhere to their respective roles in the family if they wish to escape the pitfalls of modern, temporary marriages. If you care about children, please do not walk this path nonchalantly. This is serious stuff. Your future, and all of our futures, lie before you. Decide wisely.
Excuse my typo; “era” rather than ear in the first line.
Guys.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1174210/30-stone-mother-feeds-baby-triplets-junk-food-diet–admits-McDonalds-just-months.html
Bella,
Thank you for that link. What a powerful statement on humanity.
Isn’t it amazing that this woman is “too busy” to cook or do household chores, but she only leaves the house once a week to pick up her social welfare money.
This may seem like quite an exception to many people, but this sort of story is far from rare, especially in NA. While this particular woman is British, the mentality of ‘get laid, spit out some babies, then live on welfare’ is a massively popular life choice in the US and Canada. What’s worse in this case and so many others is that these people defend their actions as if they are either entitled to such a costly and self destructive life style and that the rest of us should pay their way, or that they have no choice in the matter and are actually the victim in the story. Her thyroid is likely no more active or inactive than yours or mine. How easily someone like this dismisses their grotesque behavior while laughing at all of the suckers who keep them going. Did you also notice in the story that she now wants even more? In her mind council should provide her with her own house, to boot.
I find this woman personally offensive as a human being. Not even her weight is as disgusting as her attitude. If you take a personality and attitude of pure entitlement like hers and then put it in a normal looking body and add a highly over rated sense of self worth, sadly, you would have most NA women today.
Men like to pull their punches on this topic. This is the depiction of the Western women “entitlement to be supported” as a consequence of what gets yanked from their crotch mentality. Or simply the the entitlement to be supported mentality. Period.