Olga again - Oh by the way.. she's single if you can believe it.
I never quite understood the macho attitude that many guys have when it comes to being single as if it were a badge of honor.
Do they really believe that they can somehow imitate Hugh Hefner and sleep with any number of beautiful women they encounter?
Or deep down inside..
Are they just in denial about the relationship difficulties they are facing and simply want to protect themselves by “embracing” the idea of being single first?
Well I can certainly understand this all too common anxiety.
Because before I went to Russia (and found my lovely 2nd half) I was completely disenchanted with the types of women that were available on the American dating scene.
I mean lets face it Gentlemen.
Dating can royally suck.
It can be a huge expenditure of time, energy and resources and in the wrong environment all of this can seem like an exercise in self flagellation.
But then again the same thing can be said about getting an education.
Of course the flip side of this is easy enough to see.
Because dating in the right environment can be an incredible adventure filled with romance, longing and passion.
And in my experience any FSU country like Russia is a fantastic place to start.
So while you guys are pondering this.. Please click the following image and have yourselves a good laugh.
Because the one thing it so accurately points out..
Is that being a single guy can suck way way more.
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I would love to meat this girl. How is her english??
Come on now wolverine, are you sure you really care how good her English is? hmmmm . . . . . I think I could learn to communicate with such a beautiful young woman if the opportunity presented itself.
Haven’t you heard of the ideals of the gisha?? Not only to stimulate the body, but also the mind and the soul…
I like girls I can have intelligent conversations with… Conversations on the intellectual level are harder with point and draw….
I’m with you there. All of the beauty in world won’t make up for a total lack on those other levels.
I don’t know if you’ve read it, but I highly recommend reading the book “The Science of Getting Rich”. In it, he talks about how all the levels of a person must be stimulated, and to overstimulate one area, say one’s body leaves the mind (intellect) and soul to whither from lack of stimulation. He also outlines the consequences of neglect of the other areas of a person. It basically comes down to becoming unhappy, dissatisfied with life, trying to live out of balance.
His main talk was about money, but one could read any other area of human endeavor into the word money, and it still all is relevant.
The other things I said are not saying that I wouldn’t try to communicate with her if she and I were in the same room. I’m just wondering about the level of communication….
Just so you know, I was being kind of light hearted with regards to “communicating” based on stunning good looks. I’m not the kind of guy who only values any woman as a pretty face, a hot body, or any other single point. People are sort of complex, at best, and I try to respect that.
(Sorry if some of my past comments have left me looking as though I have no sense of humor.)
Actually, I have read “The Science of Getting Rich” and agree with you that good principles produce good results in all areas of our life. In fact it might be a good time for me to dust off a copy of that book. It’s been a while.
Yes, I understood the humor bit. Thought I’d explain though….
Her English is good.
She checks in on this site too.
Well, I hope she’ll check in, and maybe visit with us….
rw_man,
I hope you realize how important your site and work are. No it won’t change the world, but for a sizable number of men (like myself) that had given up hope in the USA, you really have lit a beacon. I was married 13 years, and single the last 14. I love women, marriage and family, but I can’t accept the delusional, bizarre, hideously unfeminine women that stomp around Atlanta. I’ve dated dozens, showing nothing less than respect, decency and appropriate, confident masculinity, great shape, no addictions, well educated… What an exercise in futility! I literally heard, “Man must cook”, I don’t need a man…I want one”, “My career is established (45yr old lady) so now I want a family”, “Sleep with me or I’m gone” (1st and 2nd dates. I don’t whore around. I said no thanks), “I need three hours a day of MY TIME”. These women were not evil, just delusional. Most really THOUGHT they were doing right.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I see HOPE!!
I WILL be a great husband to a lady from the Ukraine or the FSU. It’s my dream, and what a cool dream it is!
Olga, by the way, really is a doll. Her eyes radiate warmth.
God bless ya rw_man,
-Ken
Ken i’m very happy you feel the way you do.
One of my initial goals in starting this blog way back when was to spread the word and to reach gentlemen like yourself. Looks like it’s working
Please help me out by taking the great enthusiasm that you have and spreading the word with your other male friends (and females if you are so inclined) to let them know what the truth is regarding this miserable battle between the sexes and the stunning beauty of what real femininity is all about.
I know I’m blessed because I get to wake up to this everyday and my most sincere hope is for all of you worthy Gentlemen do the same.
I think she is single because most men probably think they wouldn’t stand a chance with her.
I have noticed that recently most beauty contest winners in Russia come from Siberia are they even better looking in Siberia or is it just coincidence.
You have probably covered this before but why are there so many Russian women compared to men?
Just a possibility, John, but I think that the “westernized” philosophy on beautiful, young women is exactly what you are saying; “most men probably think they wouldn’t stand a chance with her”. Is that the way of thinking in the UK, the rest of Europe, other countries? That I don’t know. Could it be the same for Russian men that if they are the average, working class, 25-40 year old, they believe that they probably wouldn’t have a chance with such a lovely girl so they just walk away?
Hi Richard not sure if you use this site anymore. But I just saw your comments and quesiton and thought that I would answer you. I am a 25 year old English guy. The answer to your question is yes, many guys like myself would not only think that we stand no chance with a girl who we feel is above us, we know for a fact we would not stand a chance with any girl, who is above us. There is simply too much competition for her. So she can afford to pick any man she wants and that generally does not include people like myself.
BUT then I wnet to Odessa for a ten 10 holiday, I had more dates in 10 days in Ukraine with stunning Ukrainian girls than I have had 10 years here in the UK with English girls. (not kidding!)
Now I am learning to speak fluent Russian. Coincidence? I think not!
Hope this helpful to you
Take Care
Jay
Anymore questions you have about the UK and our woman then just ask.
Hi Jay,
Yes, I still watch and contribute to this site. It is one of the very few blogs out there that tries to maintain a positive outlook on a particularly controversial subject.
In reply to your comments, there are a few things to note which I have found to be true from the time I was first entering the dating world right up until today.
The first of those is that NO woman is “above” you. There may have been some point in history that such a thought was justified, but not within the last 200 or 300 years, at least. Even more so today than ever before, we know with great certainty that the women we meet are every bit as down in the trenches of life as any guy either of us may know. That is mostly because the feminists “demanded” the right to be as instinctive, lustful and degenerate as any man they ever condemned along the way.
Second is that men have become more aware of “the game” than ever before, as evidenced by the fact that a best selling book from a few years ago was all about ‘how to sleep with any woman you want’ no matter who you are or what you are like. The game of recreational sex has never been played on a more evenly set field. And even though real men are not focused on such a low level of relationship manipulation, the simple truth is that much of the rest of the world is.
The third point is (and always has been) that very often, the most beautiful woman in any group gets the least serious attention. Believe me, this is a fact. Most guys are making the same mistake in assuming she is “out of reach” so they buddy up to the pretty girl’s friends as a first move. (big mistake)
For many years in my profession, I have walked up to beautiful women and asked to photograph them. Quite often the most stunning women have been confused on why I would want to take their picture. Generally because they feel that they are just normal, when in fact they are clearly the cream of the crop. Getting to know these women has often led to dates for the simple reason that hardly anyone ever asks them out and they usually say that they don’t know why.
Another consideration is this; what do you have to lose by asking? It’s not like we get shot for asking, right? At 25 you should be aware that the rejection of a total stranger for simply asking them to dance or have a drink is NOT a big deal.
One sunny, summer day in Seattle, right after I’d moved there, I saw a guy standing on the street asking passing women to have a cup of coffee. Some just passed him by, some stopped to find out what he was up to and a few had full conversations with him. After watching him for about 15 minutes, one woman said, “Sure” and they walked into a coffee shop together. So let’s guess that 20 women passed by or barely gave him the time of day and 5 more stopped but then went on their way; but one decided to see what he was all about. Was it worth his time? I’d say a resounding “Yes”.
Ultimately, my advice is this; let a few of those very beautiful women actually say “No” before assuming that they all will.
Beautiful Olga happens to be looking for someone at this moment. ))
Someone ought to seriously step up to the plate.
She is a really good catch and speaks perfect English I gather.
-M
Manoah,
If I had her contact info, I’d write to her today.
Alright, Richard, I hope I don’t get expelled for this. Kind favors, can be repaid in photography lessons. (Kidding)
One day, I got an email, and Olga’s photos were amazing. Goto Aprettywoman.com and search on 98P3. Can’t be sure that is Olga but sure looks uncannily alike. From same town Omsk. Ok, GL, don’t shoot. I’m innocent.
I also have met some attractive Russian girl in my area. For example, a girl, she is in her 30s but she looks still like in her 20s because she takes such good care of herself. Any one interested, please get in touch. Serious inquiries only!
Good luck,
-M
Manoah, Manoah!
How are you doing? I saw a nattily dressed gentleman slip in a few super smooth dance steps for his bride in the grocery store the other day, and thought of you.
They say curiosity killed the cat, and I understand why. First, I went to that site just to have a glance at Olga and, sure enough, I found her, but the scammers are onto me again, too. I had a couple of tear jerking letters in my box this morning. It seems that a couple more girls that look like Miss Universe are lonely in Ukraine and are looking for an old guy in America to chat with. Second, in an attempt to help Richard out, I searched the social site VK for Olgas in Omsk. Well, I don’t know what the population of Omsk is, but if it’s a million, there must be 900,000 Olgas. My eyes are still burning this morning. Sorry, Richard. I had visions of being a hero and providing a direct link to Miss Olga. Take care.
Thank you Manoah for the info. And Sam, as always, a joy to see your input.
By the way, Manoah, some very good photography tips can be picked up right here from rw_man’s example. He’s shown amazing skill in capturing feeling with uncomplicated settings and casual lighting.
Here’s one of my key bits of photography coaching; since nearly everyone is more computer savvy than I, and considering that modern cameras are not really cameras at all (technically) but actually a small computer with a lens, it’s probably a good idea to find the camera you feel most comfortable with and shoot everything in sight. I think that all competent photographers are those who simply never go anywhere without a camera in their hand or pocket. Since my 10th birthday, I have rarely left my house without at least one camera on my person.
I’ve had some interesting conversations with young people who are looking for knowledge of film photography rather than digital. That is sort of “in my zone” so to speak so it makes me very happy when I can share that knowledge. Currently I am studying digital photography as if I were a raw newbie to the entire idea of taking photos. I feel like a fish on the shore.
Sam, when something was very obvious, I used to have a little comeback sort of like “Is the Pope Catholic” but instead I’d say, “Do Russians name their daughters Olga”. (I apologize if that seems like a disrespectful generalization) In my youth, it just happened that almost every time I met a female of FSU decent, her name would be Olga. My guess it is like one of our Bob or Kathy names would have been in the 50s.
I am becoming more and more interested in communicating with the people of Russia and that whole region, but my experience so far has been primarily the scammers and players. I welcome any opportunity to start up a dialog with someone who is genuinely interested in sharing some cultural conversations with or without any kind of thoughts about more intimate relationships. While we are all (okay, maybe it’s just me) interested in finding that special someone, the fact remains that great relationships nearly always begin as casual friendships.
Sam,
Hello. I tipped myself into exhaustion from over reading. So engrossed, I neglected my sleep. I figure, its time to apply what I’ve been reading. At some point, all that knowledge ought to get utilized, otherwise, its grey matter just sitting there.
Come on Sam, its a lot quicker it would seem to me to go direct, we got GL here haven’t we?
At any rate, if you gents want to bypass the scammers, try Aunt Natalie’s intro site – 1russianmodels. It would seem to me that she’s screened them fairly well. You all recall Natalie who used to post here many years ago? Well, she finally got her site up and running. So, best to look there first.
And Richard,
Thanks for the photography lessons. And you’re right, GL is tops in this art as well.
The Russian culture truly is much more conducive to family life. I’ve been in touch with many over the years and they really are dedicated to family and to developing relationships that are very close and intimate. Its the type of relation that satisfies one’s soul to the core and where one can derive a lifetime of content and matrimonial felicity. Anyone searching for their ONE from this culture is likely to hit the goldmine when they do end up with one. So, keep digging, the treasure is there for anyone who searches. Good luck to all.
-M
Hi JohnUK,
Welcome aboard.
Read my FAQ page and you will start to understand more about the demographic issues in the FSU that make the dating environment so unforgiving for women there.
Siberia is certainly filled with a significant percentage of stunning women but that is also true for the Urals, Far North, Ukraine, Baltics, Belarus and Central Asia.
Richard, many younger Russian Men typically are much more bold about approaching girls but will do so in such a way that often will turn girls off.
There are certainly shy Russian guys out there but their culture encourages them to be very forward and bold about their intentions and actions. This can be good or bad depending on how it’s done but the way I look at it is that at least it is done in the first place.
I”m single, but don’t fit into the chart… might fit into one of them… But it’s grandma asking me to find a girl…. haha
It may seem strange to the FSU women to read comments from NA men (like myself), where we expound upon their beauty, femininity and even their expressions. They really are different from NA women. I have been sending guys and women to this site for 2 years so that they can see what God had in mind when he created women. I really do (not being corny) see them as works of art. I just convinced my friends teen daughters to look at this site, because they want to learn to be feminine. They were thrilled.
Thank you FSU ladies, you make life a lot more enjoyable,
Ken
PS: Olga? Breathtakingly beautiful. Lovely…everything! C:
Ken,
I have been living with Ukranian roommates for the past little while. One of them has become my best friend, and there is something about them that is touching to the heart. She is perhaps the most compassionate, sweet person I have ever met. Much of it is due to the life of hardship she endured and blossomed from.
These are people who have undergone hardships unimaginable by those of us living in the West-accustomed to gentle, peaceful lifestyles. And many have come out graceful, stoic and intact from these hardships. Resilient, indeed.
Too many (women and men alike) here are spoiled, not understanding the uniqueness in terms of life comforts they enjoy. A rose to them will appear as a withered flower. I feel that this attitude contributes to a lot of the spiritual withering occurring in the West, and which those in Eastern Europe are more untouched by.
Catherine,
I enjoy reading your comments. I could easily write 50 pages on the subjects touched on here, as I have been engrossed in studying them throughout my 14 years as a single man and a single parent. I study it for many reasons, but the primary one is the “The cost to benefit ratio is too high”, to go through what I have been through with my NA former wife (Custody battles, lawyers, slander, deceit, viciousness, lawyers). I have told my friends I would literally prefer death than to repeat it. And I LOVED marriage, my wife, my children. Go figure.
I’ve talked to hundreds of men about these issues from all over NA (I work at the Atlanta Airport) and I think women would be amazed at what I hear. These random thoughts are way too short and over-generalized to do them justice:
- Men I speak with BRAG about their ability and desire to be incredibly romantic, passionate and loving to their woman, yet they admit they feel foolish and unappreciated trying with their wives, GF’s, etc…
- Men adore women (you were MADE to be adorable), but their “Dream-woman” again and again is described exactly like so many of the FSU women described on this site.
- At the Airport, I ask men to pick out women, among masses of women, that “You find attractive AND you feel that she likely has a beautiful spirit, soul and heart”. What a YouTube THAT would make!! Kind, Feminine, gentle! They ALWAYS have a smile, or a pleasantness that is clearly visible. Massive spikes (supporting massive, diet-created butts), cavernous cleavage, painted make-up, DD boob-jobs, “confident” bulldozing through crowds, “tattoos, facial hardware, flip-flops, mens cothing, slum clothing? The decent men I interview don’t even see them, unless they say with a sneer, “I might “do” her!” Yet these confused women often have a temporary man “on her leash” BECAUSE OF THEIR HORMONAL DRIVE. Then the lad…wakes up. He chews off his arm to escape, she throws out a boob to lure the next fool (and his wallet, ego and esteem). Haha…do I seem a tad bitter? Sorry. I’m saddened as well.
I may continue later. Too much to say.
I know that so many men long for love, adoration and romance more than women can imagine, yet it is so lacking in a Feminist contaminated society. Please, NA women…wake up, take the hardware and hardness out of your face, smile, love, put on a feminine dress and huge throngs of men just may be what you were told they CAN’T ever be- A really great husband. Is “Your way” working? Is it?
Men commit adultery with women that PROVIDE the affection, appreciation and feminine traits, more often than any other reason. Wonder why THAT study is moth-balled? Just look into it.
How I wish that ONLY a truly loving, feminine woman could trigger the intense sexual urges in men. Me? I’ll wait.
A guy can dream…can’t he?
-Ken
Ken have you been out to the FSU yet?
I can’t wait to see what happens when you witty observations get combined with a real dose of the women are like out here.
Not yet rw. I spent another year dating locally, thinking that because I’m armed with the knowledge of “what to look for” in a woman it would allow me to find a gem in the truckload of coal. How I humor myself sometimes:Q I feel so bad for these ladies that really can be such good, caring people, but they’re not fit to marry. They’re aren’t fit to raise children. What makes them unfit, initially, is often so subtle that if you didn’t see the stark contrast, as you do with the FSU women, you might think it is normal. Wow! I know I did! Nevertheless I treat these ladies with complete courtesy and respect, but they couldn’t pay me to marry them.
A couple of my guys friends feel I should date them, get all the sex I want and let them go. I respect women too much to use them, even if they’d love to use me. My future wife won’t wonder if I CAN be faithful because I already am. Hahah I just haven’t met her yet. How wierd is THAT?!
Because of what you taught me rw, I compliment anything I see that is uniquely feminine in my lady friends, and ignore crude jokes, behavior, clothes or mannerisms that are so unattractive. The results are delightful. If only our society reinforced such a beautiful metamorphosis in our women.
Their “girlfriends” usually undo any positive change because the newly Blossomed Butterfly, among corpses stands out. Funny how that works. Some of these ladies are seeking better friends! I send them to your site for reinforcements! Haha. love it!
Where was I…
I do have renewed plans on making visits to the FSU starting early next year and then until I meet/date/marry my mate.
I’m about to focus on studying Russian. I’m structuring my business to allow me plenty of resources and time flexibility.
If she (my wife) would like, I’ll be able to employ her and even her older children in a rather enjoyable business.
Etc, etc..
rw, one of my concerns is that my future wife and her (teens probably) children will be paying such a high price by moving to another country and culture, so I feel compelled to carefully set up the kind of things that will give they as much normalcy as possible, for example, the option of working from home, the option of flying back to see family several times a year etc..
What’s your opinion?
Thanks for any input,
Ken
Ken I don’t think you have to worry too much about that. People coming from the FSU into a semi-normal existence here adjust just fine.
A healthy balance is when there is room for the best of both cultures to thrive in your house hold. Over time when you be able to identify what those characteristics are. Make sure you take notes on them and promote what works.
This is important.. because any potential friction that arises from an international marriage like this will usually happen if the man of the house doesn’t take inventory on what works and what doesn’t.
So, so so true. Unfortunately, I don’t think God put us here on this earth to have happiness handed to us in a silver platter. We were placed in limiting bodies, given free will and told to fight internal battles so that we can learn more and gain more once we’ve made the right choice (spiritual vs. physical).
I’ve made my own mistakes, too, and have paid for them dearly with my last relationship. I was so hungry for marriage, children (focus on the physical) that the man himself and how he connected with me took a distant second place in my list of priorities. What happened was a relationship with a man (from South Asia) so jealous and possessive that after 8 months, my family and friends intervened to get me out.
It is a learning experience, and that is all we can do with our past events- learn and move forward. Sometimes I wonder what God is thinking when he watches us struggle and stumble. But then again, without a battle there can be no victory.
Paradoxical isn’t it?
Thank you for the way you’ve described the spiritual battle. Our human limitations are a key in the big picture of struggling between physical desires and eternal peace and rewards.
Despite all of our abilities we continue to strive for what generally seems just beyond our grasp. It is so easy for us all to build up images of what we want most without giving a thought to all of the bits and pieces of other things which must transpire in order to reach the prize.
I too saw only the dream family and all of the joys that came with it in choosing a wife just to find out later that the person I was with saw family as little more than an inconvenient side effect of marriage.
It sometimes amazes me how easily we can look past someone’s obvious faults and shortcomings in order to achieve some personal desire.
I really enjoy your perspective and look forward to hearing your take on other topics that come up here.
Catherine,
Now I have a fuller understanding as to the contrast that you are aware of regarding NA and FSU women.
Amazing how strong yet gentle they are isn’t it?
As I’ve always said.. we have A LOT to learn from them. And I hope this site is a good place to start.
RW, the stories she and her mother have told me are incredible! I have been trying to convince her to document them for future generations.
The funny thing is… I think it startles them a bit that someone would take such an interest because in their country atrocities and hardships were commonplace, and the people accepted it as a fact of life rather than be paralyzed by it. I am sure there are those who couldn’t, and who were broken by their experiences…but it seems that they were genetically weeded out. Regardless, the world needs to learn about what these nations went through.
It is inspiring to meet people filled with love when they have every reason in the world to be bitter and spiritually damaged.
Catherine,
I am one of many, I’m sure, who would love to read or hear about the sort of life that your Ukrainian room mates and their families endured. You can let them know that others really need the knowledge that they have, even if it all seems common and uninteresting to them.
For most of my life I have encouraged people to write about their life, at every stage or juncture in their life if possible. There is at least one good book in everyone.
We are truly spoiled in the West to such a degree that some here view their entire existence as one giant entitlement program.
Your friends have a perspective which is uniquely their own and what they have to offer could represent turning points in the lives of others.
Catherine, I think you may have found something that really inspires you (as it has for me as well) and I would recommend that you follow it through and start writing about it.
If you’d like you can write up what you are learning and email it to me at galacticlove at gmail.com and I might want to post it on your behalf.
I wholeheartedly agree with you.. These women have been through a lot more hardships then what we typically have in the US or the West.. Yet their traditional feminine identities filled with grace and gratitude.
Makes you wonder doesn’t it?
Richard and RW, thanks very much for your posts and sharing your feedback and perspectives. I am sorry it has taken awhile for me to get back, life has become rather busy lately. I have been toying with the idea of creating a documentary somehow of these stories for months. It is taking the first step off the precipice that is always the most difficult one.
Richard, you are absolutely correct. Everyone has their own stories to share. I hope you continue sharing yours about your daughter. I was raised by a single father, and it certainly was not an easy undertaking for him. I do not know how you do it, but there is a lot to be said for that.
Thank you Catherine. Your supportive words really mean a lot.
There was a time when I wondered about single parents struggling on alone. Now I have to say that we all seem able to do whatever is needed for our children, pretty much as it comes along. I sure don’t advise it as a choice because of the personal difficulty, but more from seeing the needs of a child to know both parents despite whatever pitfalls led to the situation.
The strange thing is how we sometimes ‘speak’ things into existence. I used to joke that “all I wanted in life was a wife and kids, but the wife was optional”. Wow, how that line haunts me these days.
I hope you can create the documentary you’re thinking of. RW has done something important here and I think that we are seeing enough diversity to recognize how valuable this information can be to a much larger group of people.
It is very interesting to see the contrast in opinions of this blog and the PUA ones. The latter argue that female beauty is completely based off genetics and looks. The former that a feminine spirit enhance and may even trump genetics. The ones who wear singledom like a badge of honor are typically the ones (in my observation) that have grown up in a culture where the cost to benefit ratio of being in a relationship is too high. Those involved in the PUA community, for example, are more likely to have had lack of a father figure in their lives to emulate.
RW, how likely do you believe it to be for the men who are proud and stubborn about being single to come from a broken background?
Please excuse my ignorance of modern abbreviations but what is PUA?
PUA = Pick Up Artist
It seems to be a movement here in the United States that is picking up- even leading to coined terms such as “seduction community”.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mystery_(pickup_artist)
Thank you. You are sure right about that mindset being a big movement here these days. That is one of the biggest reasons for intelligent men, as well as intelligent women, to be avoiding any of the usual dating environments. No one with a brain wants to be part of someone’s ‘hit list’.
Catherine I think that guys from the PUA community have a number of motivations for doing what they do.
Keep in mind that I used to engage in this type of activity a long time ago so I have some decent perspective on it which you can read about in some early posts that I put out here.
http://russianwomentruth.com/double-your-dating-speed-seduction/
http://russianwomentruth.com/double-your-dating-and-speed-seduction-part-2/
Basically my take on it is simple.
Men who are PUA’s are emotionally, spiritually and physically STARVING for love and affection.. (And this is in no ways meant to be an insult towards them. Just an acknowledgement of the truth)
If they can’t get EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY, AND PHYSICALLY fulfilled with the women they are dating then they will simply settle on going for sex in order to give them a short term fix.
Doing this is like trying to stay healthy on a strict diet of Doritos and Coke. Sure it will fill your stomach but it will basically eat it away too. Unfortunately that’s what being a PUA is all about with its “how fast can I stick my d*** into her” mentality.
All the elements for disaster are there..
Short Term Ego? Check..
Long Term Alienation? Check Check..
Really Long Term Bitterness or Indifference towards members of the opposite sex? Check Check Check…
Your probably going to find this amusing but I actually “trained” as a PUA with one of the most famous PUA’s out there named JDog who was co-host of the very popular VH1 show called “The Pickup Artist”. We both got into it roughly at the same time about 9 years ago because we were both part of the same early PUA group in the SF Bay Area. I think it was called the East Bay Speed Seduction Group.
Thankfully we went into very different directions. JDog continued to refine his “skills” and has certainly developed his fame and niche in the world.
I decided to see what the real deal was concerning femininity and womanhood, and traveled to Russia and now we have this blog and an incredible community as a result.
I like JDog and I find him to be a smart, charismatic guy.. but we certainly have 2 very different visions on what it means to help people (especially Men) to find their confidence and place in the world.
By nature a PUA is all about scoring sex and trying to quickly develop what they believe are “deep connections” while they are on their way to the bedroom. But if you’ve had the chance to play this for awhile you get to understand that this is mostly about the “hunt” and the quick thrill that comes with it. Sooner or later you also begin to understand that what is quickly gained is very quickly lost because there are no real anchors (only simulated ones) for trust and respect. Once the manufactured illusion dissolves there is nothing left and all that energy, time, and money which went into this hunt ended up being for nothing.
Now all of this is not good.. but here is the bottom line as to why being a PUA is completely a dead end.
“Pick Up Artist”.. let those words hang in the air for a second as you absorb the full meaning of it..
I say this because the laws of Karma instantly applies to everyone irregardless of their cleverness in quickly bedding members of the opposite sex or not.
The more a PUA treats women like sexual commodities to be “conquered”.. the more they become cheap commodities themselves. Men and Women need to cherish each other and build long lasting intimate relationships in order to advance to the higher levels of maturity and consciousness in their lives.
Could you imagine a guy in his 40′s or 50′s playing this game when he should be well established with a loving family by this time?
Can you say “No Dignity?”
On some level I’m sure that deep down inside PUA’s feel that something is not right even-though they may not consciously be aware of it.
Some years ago I wrote JDog an email explaining my thoughts about the downside of being a PUA and perhaps why it might be a good thing to change his position.
Unfortunately I’ve never heard back from him.
I guess we all have our images to uphold.
All we can hope for is that it’s the right one.
Sorry to reply so late to this. I must have read it at least three times to let its meaning sink. First of all, who would have guessed you were a part of that group? It must have given you a pretty unique perspective and understanding once you found yourself in Russian.
The truly tragic part about such spiritual degrading is that the further down the rabbit hole you go, the more difficult it is to be compatible with the kind of woman who you could live a happy life with. I know PUA’s say their techniques work on every woman, including the good ones, but I often wonder…
If quality women are repelled by them (whether in the short term or long term), thus only leaving behind those “average” ones, we automatically have sample bias in the observed dataset. Even PUAs themselves admit that the success rate to approaching a given, random women is relatively low (let’s say 20% of all those approached will respond to techniques).
The most ironic thing about the movement for me is that they place such a strong emphasis on genetics-that the sexual dynamics are built into us and thus should be allowed to happen. Yet, the need for spiritual development (which is proven to have a genetic basis) and loving companionship (which a lack of has destructive consequences on the neurophysiological system)is completely ignored.
Human beings are very complex and fascinating creatures. And yes, all we can hope for is that our interpretation of humanity is the right one.
Catherine,
Are you familiar with the Myers Brigg Personality Type Indicator? I’ve studied and applied the teachings for 20 years with incredible results. If you’re not familiar with it, this is what it has done for me and many others I’ve encouraged to learn about it. Basically, people become transparent enough that it would be very difficult to be one of the millions that later in life say, “I no longer know my Husband/wife, they changed so much. They lied. They mislead me. They have two lives. They “became” this or that. They became lazy, or non-talkative”. I have absolutely no worries that this will happen to me. People are remarkably predictable in enough ways that you can know with a healthy degree of certainty that they will be basically the same (In terms of key personality traits) for the balance of their lives.
Interesting this has allowed me to become very, very patient with people whereby I let them be themselves (Particularly ladies I date) and then decide if we’re a match. Usually I don’t discuss the issues that prevent a relationship because I don’t WANT her to change for me. Besides, the change won’t last anyways. Psyops teams use this system extensively, because it works. Good guys use it for good.
Though my life has many “normal” challenges, it is virtually impossible for me to be fooled my a multi-personality, manipulative perhaps dishonest person, male or female. People can and should become very transparent, otherwise we make important evaluations based on bad information. Spiritual discernment and intuition really compliment this personality typing system and add to the check and balance of it all.
None of this is for being sneaky, or judging or criticizing. It’s just to clearly see people AS THEY ARE, instead of how they want you to see them. A lot of people honestly don’t know who they are…but you can know volumes about them in a few days. I love how people “discover themselves” as they learn about their own personalities. My 70yr old Mother was astonished at what I “taught” her about every member of our large family. She agreed with everything I said, even the ugly stuff.
I think you can find enough info by Googling “Myers Brigg Personality Type Indicator” and scanning through the links. Some sites sell a long test and evaluation service. May be good to do at some point, but enough reading will be enough for now.
“Human beings are very complex and fascinating creatures. And yes, all we can hope for is that our interpretation of humanity is the right one.”
My search for a mate is frustrating, but this makes it kinda scary. I hope my comments are of some use.
If a woman, “Throws a boob” at me, I throw it back. She’s told me volumes about her personality and Spirituality. The PUA is transparent too.
Any comments from those that have used this system?
-Ken
PS: I am an ENTJ/ENTP. Extreme E.
Ken,
I just wanted to thank you for your comment. I’d heard of the Myers-Briggs tesst before bud hadn’t really looked into it. I just took a couple of tests on different websites. They all came out INFJ and I actually found reading the descriptions of my personality very comforting. It is very spot on (only exception is that I don’t believe I have “psychic” gifts). But it actually made me feel not quite the hopeless case I sometimes feel
Do you know if some types are more typical among women and men respectively? It would make sense if that was the case.
Also, you say you’ve applied the teachings in your own life. Does that mean that you are looking for a specific type or types on your search for a wife, and if so what type/s?
Hi Hazel,
My computer got zapped by lightening on Friday and I just replaced the modem. I’ll reply in more detail later.
Here is your report: Also follow the links that further explain this type.
http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html
As is my type, this is a difficult personality to be. You are 1% of the population and you have some characteristics that my type (ENTJ, as an example) would struggle with. Others will love them.
If your date and prospective mate doesn’t really understand these character/personality traits he may be really offended to see how hard you push for excellence in everything you do as well as everything HE does. He may not agree with you as much as you’d like. His masculinity may be threatened if you stubbornly refuse to compromise.
Paradoxically, he might fall in love with you because you are caring, nurturing, sensitive and concerned for others. Well, if he doesn’t understand the harsher characteristics that you would rather not advertise are ALSO you? Later he may say, “YOU CHANGED!!!” Did you? Perhaps not at all. He didn’t know what to look for so he made a very big decision without enough information.
These profiles obviously will have “gray areas”, not being accurate in every detail, which is why I READ THEM WITH MY DATE as soon as possible. We can really let the other person know things about us that traditional dating may NEVER reveal. I WANT her to know what to expect from me! I want to date people that are compatible with me, as a MINIMUM.
I’d encourage you to look at the resources on the website I linked above. There are books on the subject on the site.
Arrggg! I have to stop commenting when sleep-deprived.
My bad, I should have at least explained what the MBPTI is.
Ahem…What the Myers Brigg Profiler is is a massive questionnaire that is answered very quickly. There are 8 primary “traits, or preferences:
(E)Extrovert,(I) Introvert
(N)Intuitive,(S) Sensing
(T)Thinking, (F) Feeling
(J)Judgmental,(P)Perceptive
The definitions may be different than you would expect in this system.
Based on your answers, you show which 4 of the 8 primary traits you favor, and to what degree. We are all blends, of course, but you reveal enough info so that you can be shown to PREFER 4 out of the 8, which gives you a designation such as ENTJ, ISFP, ENSP etc. There are 16 types.
Each of the 16 designation have massive “reports” that describe remarkably specific, predictable traits of this person even when taking into account background, gender, age, career and so on because, it seems, God hardwired them into our minds prior to birth. Imagine if people really did “change” every year or two. I contend that they don’t change these core, identifiable traits very much at all, it just appears they do because the “Clothing” on our core personalities is very changeable. The “Clothing” is impossible to predict, thus the dilemma. They were the same all along, we just didn’t know what to look for.
At this point, my friends throw out 500 “Exceptions”. Just check into it. Be open minded. It’s a great study.
The military, corporate world and Government have use this system since the 50′S I believe. I took it 25 years ago in the military and it became a student of it ever since.
Last thought: Prozac, Lithium, Alzheimer, strokes, vaccinations, lobotomies and other things that cause brain damage do alter behavior screwing up the hardwired program. I will NEVER date a Prozac or Zoloft user for this reason.
Case in point of “Predictable”? I an an extreme Extravert, which is why I can’t, for the life of me, write a short comment. Haha, you should hear me TALK!! I don’t fight it, I just seek out those that like it.
I suspect that Richard will concur.
-Ken
You are dead on, brother.
Hi Hazel,
My comment at 3:18pm was sent before reading your entry.
Excellent questions. I only have a second right now but I’ll come back to answer in more detail soon. There doesn’t seem to be any gender difference I’ve read about, just the “Clothing” I mentioned in the other comment. What “Type” am I looking for! Hahaha I have NO IDEA!!!! The blends are way too complex, so I really put this in Gods hands AND use a great deal of discernment. I only date really wonderful ladies, but politely part ways when I see characteristics that make up an impossible couple. The characteristics, by the way, often times are mine. But she may not see that I cannot be what I know she needs, though she may really like me. This is a tough one, but in her best interest. Our personalities very often DO NOT compliment our choices in life, so we fight to “Change”. Sound familiar? C:
Some personality traits do make us less attractive to the opposite sex, but we can redirect to be an asset. Not really change, just redirect. But first you need to recognize what they are. Soul searching time!
Oops, gotta go . I’ll be back perhaps this evening (EST)
-Ken
Something VERY important in your last post, Ken. Many people may have missed it but it is an imperative for the modern male to understand.
Be enough of a man to know yourself, but more over, know when YOU are the the part that doesn’t belong.
Meeting and dating people is tough enough, and we are all prone to fixate on “their” shortcomings. As the old saying goes, “It takes two to tango”.
Know when you don’t fit and find an appropriate way out.
At a point of less maturity in my life, I was really put off by people who broke up with their partners saying, “Its not you. Its me.” Looking back, I know that most of the time, then and now, that old line is pure b.s. However, there are times when we must look at a dating situation and admit, “I’m not right for that person”. Really, you never need to explain that in much detail, but make sure you move on before more feelings are allowed to develop which will only make things more difficult and painful later on.
Thanks for mentioning that one, Ken.
Catherine,
You are quite right when you say perspective.. Actually a better word would be contrast.
Here’s the deal regarding PUA techniques.
If Russian women never existed or for that matter if the FSU never existed and I was somehow stuck in North America with no chance of travelling then I would no doubt do everything to master PUA games. Because quite frankly it’s the only set of tools a Western Man has left in order to “simulate” a relationship through the methodical acquisition of physical sex.
Now before I went to Russia I was already on this trajectory for a short time. I had mild success but something always felt very wrong.
I’m sure it had a lot to do with the fact that the girls I was meeting usually had tattoos, piercings and large boob jobs. (And seeing this in a woman always means that she had no real identity of her own and there is no way you can build a stable relationship off of that.)
Red flags were going off in my head because my previous long term relationships were part of this club.
PUA techniques allowed me to create a short term “warp” in how a girl immediately perceived me but again it was all staged on my part.
This just didn’t feel right at all.
I felt like I was a salesman selling products that I didn’t believe in myself. And believe me this is not a good feeling.
As you so correctly put it I was digging myself deeper into an emotional hole.
From my perspective society was becoming increasingly dysfunctional and being a PUA was clearly part of the problem and not the solution for my intense desire to have a family.
So going to Russia was simply like being pulled out of the matrix for the first time.
A little traumatic in that I had to relearn what being a Real Man was all about. But the ladies were flesh and blood authentic with their identities as women and I knew I would thrive and not just survive in this environment.
The emphasis now was not on “speed seduction”.. quite the opposite it was now all about a “slow building romance”.
And guess which one I enjoyed and cherished more?
Ken,
When I was growing up, a story like yours or mine or so many others would have sounded like a movie plot or some fantasy dreamed up over too many beers. Today, like you, I speak to many, many people about relationships and what we are all truly looking for in life and the bottom line is that our stories are so common as to not even raise an eyebrow. It is a real downer to understand the value of a meaningful relationship at a point in our history where such relationships are so terribly rare.
By the way, “yes”, a man can dream, even if that is all we have left.
Hey Richard,
By the way I really enjoy your writing.
You know, the articles on the home page and video clips about feminism REALLY do make this whole thing into a Hollywood move script. I’ve known about this for years and became hopeless until I found this site. As I started dating again in 2004, before knowing this stuff, I couldn’t understand what felt so horribly wrong. The NA/Atlanta ladies were good people, just very unappealing on any (non-sexual)level. STD’s, Bling, Multi-daddies, boob-jobs galore, addictions, perversions, laziness, huge tattoos, very unfeminine, genital piercings…
Man I thought I got off on the wrong spaceship!
Ok I’ll admit…the piercing was kinda cool.
Well, I feel confident that I will meet a wonderful FSU lady and enjoy a very good life together, but I also feel compelled to encourage the ladies that may read these blogs to really understand just how important they are. Aren’t these ladies (whole package) delightful?
-Ken
Men conquer nations for women. They forgot to explain what TYPE of women. Bet we can guess.
Ken thanks for that comment.
I’m always happy to hear it when men like you understand how precious a gift femininity truly is.
Thankfully.. this country has it in spades and I hope you get a chance to experience it.
Thanks Ken. I like the way you write, too.
You have me picturing that “wrong spaceship stop” in my mind.
Just so you know, my return to the dating experience in the Pacific NW within the last decade has looked very similar to what you’ve seen. A clearly feminine woman up here has become so rare that looking for one is almost hopeless. The most disturbing part is that their ‘game’ is on 24/7 so you have to ‘sign in’ just to find out who is who. By the time reality shows it’s face you’ve wasted more time and money and then you are right back where you started.
Like you, I am hopeful that the women who come across this site wake up the other ones and let them know that solid men who believe in real romance and loving relationships, still exist, and that these men are not interested in competitors or multiple personalities.
Cheers!
I really wish I could recall the outcome of my MBP test back in the day. It was suggested to me by an English teacher from my high school. He would often pose these deep philosophical problems to me and then get way into my responses as if I was a lab rat being studied. The thing is, we had a great friendship beyond the classroom and after I was done with school.
While I can’t remember the letters designating my “type” most of what I remember was that my results showed a deeply reflective thinker who had sharp extrovert tendencies, and while I was very caring for the mistreated or the underdog I was generally quick to act in crisis situations, often without thought of the possible outcomes. There was also something about being very instinctive or intuitive to the point of precognition or something like that.
Now I am psyched to try to find my MBPTI results or to take it again. These things can be great tools for us all, as long as we don’t over emphasize their value. Anything that makes us better at understanding ourselves and those around us is just a tool in the box, or an arrow in the quiver, but (in my opinion) should never replace faith, core values or concentrated effort at being honest with everyone we meet.
Lots of good info, Ken.
Richard,
Hahah we extroverts do think alike. Silence was put here for us to interrupt. My introvert friends shake their heads in pity.
To Whom,
(In the MBPTI an Extrovert if not necessarily outgoing, but described as someone that talk a lot about one word or idea. An Introvert needs a lot of words to offer one comment back. They listen and carefully chose what to say. Extroverts blurt it all out and clean it up later. It’s a way of processing thoughts)
I agree that the MBPTI is one of many arrows in the quiver, but for many years it has been my favorite. I also recommend a book that has a much simpler personality typing system which I found to be a good “introduction” to the whole concept. It is Personality Plus, by Florence Littauer (spelling?) I am a “Choleric/Melancholy”.
Again, the “Sort-by-self”/”Sort-by others” thing is too important to overlook. It is so easy to see this preference, and the ones the Bible tells us to avoid are primarily the “sort-by-self”. (Usually selfish, often mean, quick to anger, willing to lie, cheat, steal, injure, manipulate, deceive, control, threaten….) Saul of Tarsus would be a “self sort”, but was redirected to be a “self-sort” for a better purpose. They have a purpose, just not in MY life.
An extreme “sort-by-others” is the nauseating variety of a martyr. They act like a doormat and want sympathy when treated like one. In my opinion, Yashua (Jesus) was the perfect balance.
Richard about the “Its not you. Its me.” I agree it’s usually BS, but I found that simply saying that we’re not a match is accepted without any hurt feelings. I ALWAYS discuss personality traits early on. I’ve found it to be incredibly fun and interesting conversation. Never any “lab rat” treatment, because I offer up my “report” first and let my date “figure me out”. I enjoy seeing the reaction to someone that is intentionally transparent. We “figure out” our kids, neighbors, co workers etc. By the time “we’re not a match” comes up, she knows I’ve REALLY considered it, and we will have discussed the major, troublesome differences. This way I can honestly tell her she’s perfect as she is, but we can’t expect a really good relationship. I’m still friends with some of these ladies. This may sound contradictory if I don’t say this: I DO NOT date blatantly unfeminine women. With them there is nothing useful to discuss. Sadly, many don’t know they are.
By the way, I’m not trying tell people things they already know. I sound too “preachy” but I’m just having fun. C:
I sure don’t think you’re sounding ‘preachy’ but that may be because I agree so much with what you have said. Especially the part about discussing personality traits right from the start. That usually leaves things friendly throughout a relationship (less surprises) and allows everyone to leave as friends if things don’t work out. (I am still in regular communication with women I’ve had romantic relationships with as far back as high school.)
It’s also great to hear that it is our ‘job’ to interrupt silence. What a calling in life!
I love this site. I’m so glad I found it. It’s not about Russian women- it’s about real, feminine women. It’s positive and optimistic. Thank you so much. As a young girl in a Western country it helps me keep my head above water. I hope to have some great friends from these countries very soon, to ground me further.
Bella I’m very happy to hear you love this site.
A lot of us I’m sure love very feminine women too!
Hello Bella,
Wouldn’t this site make great material for a “Young Ladies” class? I bet it would be a riot. Older ladies would just shoot the teacher.
Maybe you could encourage some girls your age (Assuming you’re teen age?) to talk about what is discussed here. Start a private “Club” where you can share what you’ve learned. I’ll bet you’ll end up attracting males and females to you (for differing reasons) because you’ll stand out in any group of “modern” females.
Here’s a suggestion (Not that you asked). When you smile at someone, smile with your eyes also and while you have eye contact say to yourself,”I like you”. This makes you keep eye contact just a little longer, and the smile is much warmer. When you see the images of the ladies on this site, doesn’t that seem to describe the warmth you see in their smiles that guys constantly compliment. If you want to attract a particular guy, say,”I love you”, to yourself as you smile. It shows up in your eyes. Obviously slipping up and saying it out loud might be a bit awkward.
OMG, I’m sounding like the LOOOOOOOVE Doctor. I hope you’re 18+.
I hope you influence your friends. It’ll save someone looking for a feminine lady money on air travel! Good luck!
Hi Ken. I’m 24!
A rant:
I just feel so fatigued by how women today are going. I was brought up in a ery rural, poor place in the UK and I think it has installed in me the traditional, feminine values of women from other countries (indeed, my partner is Colombian, and everyone new I meet assumes I am from Poland or somesuch place).
I dislike hearing the terms ‘Anglo women’ or ‘Western women’ because for me this comes from a self-centered, materialistic, spiritually void life, and you can see this affect with ‘modern’ girls and women in every country including the Far East and I’m sure Russia.
What I would love to see in girls my age is a sense of humility, compassion, elegance and inner happiness and beauty back. I hear men moaning about women today- but how about the good women left, how are they to find decent girl friends, or convince a man they are good girls despite their country of birth being Anglo or Western?
Bella,
Your concern is very clear and justified, and it is not going unnoticed by those of us in the west. Much of the population is as dismayed by current trends as you are.
Please don’t take anything I’m about to say as a shot back at you. That is NOT my intent. I just want to explain what it looks like from this side of the fence.
I was at the point of yelling at a home study group over the weekend when the topic of dating or not dating came up. As one of the only 2 singles there, I was listening to the ‘marrieds’ talking about how much “work” it was trying to have children and keeping romance in what seemed like “mechanical” sex on a nightly basis. (imagine how sad I was for them after being single for a decade) They also went on about how difficult it is having any personal freedom or time alone when there is “so much family stuff to do”. I just yelled, “What the ffff . . “.
(I did a big backslide.)
I couldn’t believe that Christian couples are so concerned about their own satisfaction, and only one of the people there (a guy) talked about how hard he fought to keep his first marriage alive by doing things that the rest of us considered insane in order to please a woman who was destined to leave.
A modern woman of any age, in my opinion, can start by showing a little self respect in her daily life. Going to a store dressed like a street walker is not self respect. And believe me, I do not mean just sharp, sexy, summer clothes. I’m talking about grocery shopping in shorts that are SO short and tight that you can see the thickness and area of her pubic hair. And tops SO small and tight that you can not only clearly see nipples, but areolas as well. There is NO WAY anyone can convince me that that is for “comfort”. It is trashy, cheap, and more distasteful than I can describe, but what’s more, it is a way of telling the world, “Don’t you wish you were in my pants right now?” Nothing more, nothing less.
Then you have the women who call “independence” the right and ability to talk like a bunch of soldiers or truckers or whatever. If “F this and F that” are parts of a woman’s normal public persona, then she has NO right to demand respect from men. Respect is EARNED and ‘most’ of today’s NA women do not even try to earn the respect of others.
I’m sorry if that all sounds too generalized or if you disagree with my terminology, but this is based on personal, daily observations over the course of about 40 years.
I have known, befriended, dated, lived with, been married to and generally been around enough women in my life to know when the b.s. is running deep. There is a very large and ever increasing number of NA women who believe they have a right to act this way and still expect men to somehow be impressed.
In MY opinion, women who act like this in public are pigs; no matter their level of knowledge or security or anything else.
They do not automatically deserve my attention or my respect.
I am one that is tired of that trend too. To be honest I have for some reason sworn off shorts in my teen years. I would rather wear and do feel better wearing skirts, dresses, or capris pants. And I do not think I am the only woman starting to think that way. When I was a teen they were starting to cut shorts in a certain way. I think it has got to a piont if a woman who is skinny or normal weight could never find shorts that are not short cut, or be stuck with only bikins as swimwear.
Bella,
I’ll continue later, but a couple of quick thoughts,
Ask each of your friends to join you in a really cool experiment: To help each other become as feminine as the FSU and similar ladies. Let them see how men talk about them, and how men talk about “Western” women. The girls that join you ARE your new friends. Why would you hang with the women that will scare off good men or jab at your efforts?
When you do meet a good man, will the feminist leaning ladies support you, and ENCOURAGE you to become more and more feminine around your man? Will they smile when you talk about how you love his thick arms and masculine ways, or will they put two fingers in their throats. Make sense?
Find neutral, safe men to show off your clothes to for their input. Make it a fun time. (Safe as in brother, Uncle, Dad, Old guys). It would be a compliment to anyone with the maturity worthy of the task. Ask them to point out what looks feminine or appropriate. You may learn a lot. Between several girlfriends you should find a few mature “safe” men.
Gotta run!
Anything useful?
Hello again Bella,
Hmmm where was I?
After rereading my last post I feel even stronger that a group of ladies with the same vision in mind can really buffer each other from the pressure from the unfeminine relationship-wreckers.
Hears a random thought that keeps coming to my mind. Women are much more difficult to approach when they roam in packs. (Humor intended). A guy stands a 90% chance of NOT meeting the approval of one of them, and being dismantled once he turns his back for a moment. (Generalizations intended). So if you and your delightfully feminine friends descend upon a social gathering, you may feel a lot of eyes following you around. What does this mean?
My opinion: A few guys can only see you as a sex object. And? Is this new? Some ladies (Your age and older than you, will see you as a threat. Umm, you ARE! Congratulations!) Young girls may want to emulate you because you ARE getting attention. Old ladies man “Thank God that feminine ladies still exist”.
Old guys never get tired of seeing beauty. Guys you may WANT to attract are terrified…because you are in a pack, or they may just be hesitant to risk humiliation. Silly men. Haha we also cringe when about to be kicked squarely in the groin.
Smile, smile, smile with your eyes. Smile at ALL women, smile at ALL men, smile at children. When you see a guy you want to talk to- wink at him while smiling. No really. It’s legal. I promise you it will get you a conversation if he’s interested. Don’t wink and walk away. Walk towards him. If he snubs you you have your girlfriends to buy you a drink and tell you he’s gay.
I’m reasonably confident when I say that VERY few men would ever consider snubbing, or sneering at a feminine, smiling outgoing lady. Oh, and I’ve never seen a “pack” of decent men engage in the ruthless cruelty that is the norm for their gender opposites.
That petty crap doesn’t seem to be necessary to men, in my experience. You have so little to risk.
Back to your desire to see change? YOU can create change more than you realize, if only for your entourage and the lucky men in your life. Not a bad goal.
If this seems overly-simplistic and idealistic then complicate it as you see fit. C:
There are a couple of points I’d like to make with regards to Ken’s comments about personality tests and other great tools for better understanding who we really are.
The tools he’s mentioned are generally very effective for those who read them with an open mind and try to apply them in their daily life. As with any generalized application of principle however, there is a tendency by many people to over emphasize the portions of the information they agree with and play down the parts they don’t. Also, that pattern will often be expressed to those around the person who has ‘discovered’ this new information, but they leave themselves somewhat exempt from the whole picture.
For several years now, I have been a big promoter of self help and personal awareness books. Since I personally have strong spiritual beliefs, I filter my reading through that screen and most (but not all) of the books that I would recommend are slanted towards traditional, Judeo-Christian values.
Personality testing and self awareness books are ways to assist us in a better understanding of who we are and how we act. As yet, I have found no current or even fairly recent product that hits the nail completely on the head. From what I’ve found, each of these books and tests are a ‘work in progress’ or a continuation of some previously published concept. (there’s nothing new under the sun or stars) I’m not saying that there’s anything particularly wrong with that, either. I merely wish to point out that each is just another ‘opinion’ by some person or group which has been revisited and restated in order to weigh in on the topic.
In our journey to know ourselves and to be more compatible to the world around us, we should seek out any resource which we feel is helpful in that quest. But use the old ‘supermarket’ mindset. Take what you can use and don’t worry about the rest.
It is easy to think that everything presented in one of these books or studies is meant for everyone. Simply put, that would be impossible. Find the parts that you fully understand and agree are key to your personality, set goals for being the best you can be with that new information, and apply it as fully as you are able. Use the rest as an education into what others ‘might’ be like based on what you see around you every day.
We can’t do too much to build and better ourselves. I think the more we understand ourselves, the more we will appreciate the intricacies of everyone else.
Catherine,
I must disagree with you regarding men who actively and deliberately maintain a solitary life. I do not believe that it all comes from being hurt or lacking a father figure. Most, if not all of us have been hurt from within the dynamics of love; it is the price we pay for seeking it out.
Over time, I have come to realize that there are more satisfying endeavors than building relationships. For example, I spend a lot of time building guitars and amplifiers, and concentrating on my own music. As I get older, and my sex drive diminishes to being non-existent, the need to search out love. A lot of men would be frantic about this turn of events, but I actually embrace it as a blessing. It’s just a natural and common turn of events.
Do I get lonely? Sure I do. But, to be solitary and feel the occasional sting of loneliness stings a lot less than being in a relationship and still feel lonely. This also seems to be the natural course of events.
Not all of us single men are miserable, bitter, and angry. Some of us are just letting it go as priorities shift.
Amen to that. It took a bad marriage to show me that being alone is not a reflection of failure on my part. I’d rather be alone and pursue endeavors that are meaningful than be in a relationship that makes me physically and spiritually miserable. If against all odds at my age I do meet a special someone, I can still build a relationship with her. That is something men cannot do while they’re married to the wrong women. I have no regrets, no bitterness, only relief that age and life experience gives me the ability to look at things with a new sense of purpose and clarity.
Taras
Second paragraph of my previous post:
I meant to complete the thought expressed that the need to seek out love becomes equally diminished as I lose my sex drive.